Was it a dream?

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.

"You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.

"Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true," - Meredith Grey

Much as I don't like to - I'm having some doubts these days. I think back on my days with Andy and I wonder if cutting him off from my life completely was really such a mistake.

Thanks to the puppy with his stupid song note the sarcasm here.

Part of me wants him to finish up the song because this is his break. This song will be his break. But the inspiration behind the song - fucking annoys the life out of me.

Literally.

Now that he's getting to the lyrics, it's dawning on to me - reflections of my life. I know this song is autobiographical about a period of his life about him and his ex girlfriend and the way the lyrics are going makes me think back about my own past wrecked relationship.

We were happy. We were committed. What went wrong? All I have left now are shreds - not of hope but of despair, disappointment and knowing that there's no turning back.

A few weeks ago he got back in touch with me "I want to be with you again, will you let me? I want you to be the mother of my children,"

My heart wanted to run halfway across the world to be in his arms again and scream out 'Yes' from the top of my lungs. My head held me and my heart back - I really cannot do it all over again. Especially not with Andy. Especially not all that heartbreak.

Should I have stayed on?

Is he the one but I let go?

Are we a real life version of Ross & Rachel - that we have to go through a lot in life to only realize we're actually meant for each other?

Did I do the right thing?

Did I throw my dream away?

Has my fairytale really ended?

Was it a dream?

But either way, it was all exhausting. Loving him, hating him, living life with or without him. It's just plain exhausting and I don't know if I want to do it again.

30 Seconds to Mars - Was It A Dream?

Your defenses were on high
Your walls built deep inside
Yeah I'm a selfish bastard
But at least I'm not alone
My intentions never change
What I want still stays the same
And I know what I should do
it's time to set myself on fire
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Your reflection I've erased
Like a thousand burned out yesterdays
Believe me when I say goodbye forever
Is for good
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves
A photograph of you and I
(A photograph of you and I)
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I
IN LOVE...