This has been on my mind for a while now - the whole wedding/getting married thing.
It's pretty confusing because growing up, all I did was plan for the perfect wedding.
Like the typical girl, I had themes, locations, colors, dresses, flowers, songs, who my bridesmaids and maid of honor would be... I even had a guest list written out which I saved in as a draft in gmail that I updated periodically.
That was me all the way up till the last break up. My boyfriend of eight years finally mentioned to me that he never thought of us getting married.
Spending a lifetime together, yes. Married, no.
Being the traditional girly kind of girl, I thought that was absurd. I mean, why would any one spend SO much time together and not want to be together?
Yes I know, we should've discussed stuff like this earlier but it just seemed that it would be the next natural step for us. I mean at one point when he was moving around for work, he bought a house which he said it's for us. Pointed out where I can plant strawberries and raspberries. Remodeled the kitchen so that I'll have a joyful place to cook meals for our little family. Showed me this horse breeder dude who lived down the road and always had a horse or two in the yard (this was just in case I got bored while he was at work).
As I entered my next relationship, I was still that traditional girly kind of girl who wanted to walk down the aisle in a gorgeous white gown. I still wanted the whole dream. But I was scared. So I took things really slowly.
I mean really slowly.
I used to freak out at everything. The little gestures he would make. Or the little gestures he wouldn't make.
But as the years rolled by (we're coming to our sixth year now) I finally realized why the ex didn't want to get married and I agree with him now. Because marriage is just not a priority.
The pup and I have been living together for so long that we're pretty much like your average married couple - minus the signed paper, fancy rings and expensive celebration.
Maybe I've grown up. Maybe this relationship has opened my eyes. Whatever it is, while I am still a romantic inside, I've decided that I'm not going to give in to society pressure. Yes you heard me. I'm not conforming!!!
1. Engagement ring - we all now know it's a scheme created by De Beers back in the late 30s. The whole point of getting one these days, is just to show off to your friends and family how "much" this guy loves you and how much he makes. Why not get a car? Or a house instead? You know what I mean? Plus, diamonds are pretty much worthless and they're a lot more common than you think. Don't believe me? Try reselling your engagement ring and see what you get.
Alternatively, you could just get one of those that look really real but are priced at only a fraction of the cost. Seriously, who's going to know? They just want to see that rock on your finger!
Alternatively, you could just get one of those that look really real but are priced at only a fraction of the cost. Seriously, who's going to know? They just want to see that rock on your finger!
2. Getting legally married - this is what I call, signing the papers. I kinda don't really get the point now, especially for couples like the pup and myself. We live together. We do grocery shopping together. We cook and eat dinner together. We wake up on Saturdays and head out to our usual haunt for breakfast together. Apart from work and toilet time, we pretty much do everything together - like a married couple. So what difference does that piece of paper make? Does it mean that I love him more/less with that? The only reason I can agree with about signing the papers, are spousal benefits.
3. Getting married - this is the annoying part for me. The ceremony. Seriously, why would anyone spend so much money on such an elaborate party, only to later look back at photos and reminisce about how skinny or young we used to look. Don't we all do that with our photos now? Plus - being Asian, there's a whole lot more to do culturally which can seriously make you want to kill yourself, I kid you not.
4. Having kids - another thing I really don't understand. Why would anyone really want to give up their sleep? I assure you, I'm saying this from a neutral point of view. I love kids. I just don't want them for myself. I love playing with them, reading books to them and generally hanging around with them because I'm a big kid myself! I really just don't see why people want to get pregnant (fat and cranky, I might add), push something out of their vagina or have a hole cut in you to remove a baby, and then spend the rest of your life sleep deprived, constantly worried that something will happen to your child or fighting with an angsty kid... all for what? Because everyone's doing it? Because society says it's the right thing to do? Pah! There are plenty of kids out there who have no mommies and daddies - if you're so righteous, why don't you adopt them instead?
If doing all that really makes you happy, by all means go ahead. But please think about it and do it because you really want to, and not because it's the "next natural" thing to do.
With that said, I open the floor for discussion.
