Same same different

I had lunch with my school mates today and within the first five minutes of the conversation I realized how I didn't share the same thoughts, ideas and character.

For instance, both of them claim to have some sort of female problems where it makes then hormonally imbalanced. Since I'm quite alright when it comes to that time of the month, I asked what happens when they're hormonally imbalanced...

They in turn looked at me seriously and rattled on about the typical hormonal symptoms of a woman going thru her menstrual cycle. But the way they were talking about it, the expressions, the earnesty in their voices... I couldn't tell if they were misinformed or if they really were going through some hormonal trouble.

Then one of them started to tell us about how she met her new boyfriend. She said she was skeptical at first, so we asked her why? Regular question, no?

"Because I didn't want to date a whitey,"

I stared at her.

Our other friend nodded sympathetically.

So I asked gently (seeing that this seemed a bit of a sensitive thing to her) "Why don't you want to date a Caucasian?"

"Oh there are just too many differences. We don't speak the same language, we don't share the same culture... It's just different. It's just a lot of work. You wouldn't know..."

This is a woman who is one day older than me and we've been friends since primary school. Yet she didn't seem to know that I dated an American for seven years.

"Oh.... So you've always wanted to settle down with a nice Chinese man?" I asked.

She nodded. Apparently it took the poor dude about two months of courtship to convince her that it's okay to date a white guy. Hats off to you, mate!

I kept quiet while the two of them rambled on about how cultural differences can create strains on a relationship and a few other trivial things.

I must say I was quite taken back by that two hours I spent with them.

I thought we lived in a glocal (portmanteau: global + local) world that every one of us were educated (one has a Masters Degree, works with a major oil company and earns a five-figure salary while the other has two degrees).

A world where every one of us had access to plenty of information.

A world where every one of us was aware and embraced the many colors of different cultures.

Unfortunately I was proven very wrong by people close to me.

I need to do a re-check.

Let it be, let it be, let it be...

I have this bad habit... of letting things fester... of putting others before myself.

And then I get pissed about it.

But I don't say anything and let the feeling pass.

Why?

Well, sometimes most times I feel that there's no point getting all worked up about stuff like these.

I'll get pissed. I'll say things I don't mean. I'll become this really angry little monster, which I don't enjoy... and for what?

Just to blow off a little steam?

Nah...

Earlier today, everything was pissing me off, up to a point where I just didn't want to look at anything.

So at the dinner table, I took my glasses off and just closed my eyes.

The pup asked "Are you ok?"

I gave the universal answer for 'leave me alone' "Yeah I'm fine, it's nothing."

He pressed on for a bit and it got to a point where I almost screamed at him and then he shut up.

What was I so pissed off about?

Mom - for telling me that same problem she has over and over again. I've offered so many solutions that I want to bang my head on the wall.

Pup - for being so bloody dependant on me. We were hungry. He knew what to order. Instead, he chose to sit there and play some games while I finish my convo with mom on the phone. When I was done, he just smiled at me and I had to walk all the way to the stall to order food.

Then it hit me, why am I constantly putting everyone else before myself?

Why doesn't anyone do it for me?

Not like it matters.

I'll still end up moping and letting it fester until it passes...

Macaroon vs macaron

This has really been bugging me for a super long time and one thing that really annoys me to no end because it's so foreign-posh that everyone assumes that it's the right one when it's not.

It's really simple.

The not so pretty ones - DOUBLE 'O' The pretty ones - ONE 'O'

The ones that don't resemble burgers - DOUBLE 'O' The burger look a likes - ONE 'O'

The one dipped in chocolate - DOUBLE 'O' The one with a creamy ganache filling - ONE 'O'

The cookie looking one - DOUBLE 'O' The smoother looking one - ONE 'O'

To make it easier... here's a visual reference...

These are macaroons....

And these are macarons...

If you're interested in finding out more about the difference between these lovely treats, click here, here, here, here or here.

End rant.

Kthxbai.

And the ugly monster rears its head again

For those who have been reading... you would've noticed that I've got this huge issue about insecurity - especially when it comes to the pup and a particular bitch.

Then I came across Xiaxue's blog about Trust which is something I totally agree with.

This is a confession that I'm not entirely proud of and I will insist that I did it out of necessity.

When we first started our relationship, things were going perfect. I was still in Ipoh and he was studying in PJ. He'd come back EVERY chance he could - even if it was a weekday just to hang out. We would webcam almost 24/7 - except when I was at work or he was in class. Then one day that particular bitch came into our lives.

Since then, I had never been able to trust him fully.

Even today.

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1. Call him to see where he is

Nah, I don't do that. Partly because the pup is a bit of a loner sometimes and seeing that we're both from the same group of friends, we pretty much hangout with the same crowd (unless if I'm having a girly night out). Although there was a time where I had this thing installed on our cell phones so that I could see where he was. It really did come in handy.

2. Keeping tabs

Not the best thing to really be doing, I'll tell you. But I've managed to keep tabs on what he does - I'm not going to tell you what it is but Xiaxue mentioned it a few times. And with him not knowing that I was actually keeping tabs was helpful because I could help prevent shit from happening.

Believe me, this has happened twice okay. And I can't begin to tell you how heart-breaking and distressing it is to know that someone you thought wouldn't break your heart - and he does it. And it wasn't even accidental.

3. Fresh bait

Yeah I'm pretty sure he won't go for fresh bait. This is because, from past experience, he goes for ex-gfs/flings. Why? I guess because it's easier - there's no need for a courtship and the whole get to know each other. You can just hop into bed.

So yes, I'm not worried about new people that he meets. Just his history - that's all.

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In a way I'm not too worried because the pup and I are so connected - I can feel when shit is going to hit the ceiling - so I can always do something to stop it.

So no, even with all that we've been through, I still don't and won't trust him fully because it's true - trust has to be earned over time and unfortunately he knowingly broke it hoping I wouldn't find out.

It's strange isn't it... with all these stuff that's going on I somehow know that it's worth fighting for... :)

Yes I know I'm weird

Oh no... no H2O :(

I've been waking up rather early on weekends for the past month or so. It's either stress or my body clock just got used to it... I'm usually up by about 6.30 >.< which annoys the crap outta me.

Today I woke up because the pup got up to go to the bathroom.... I gazed at the clock 9.30 and snuggled back under the covers.

Then...

"Errrrrrrr.... hunnnneeeeeee!!!!" the pup calls from the bathroom. "The tap's not working...."

*sigh* stupid construction works.... please give us our water supply back!

It's June....

Time really flies.

I've gotta tell you, 2011 has really been a harrowing year for me.

First the puppy fell down; then his mom decided to cut him off completely since Christmas last year, making our financial situation really really rocky; work has begun to pile up and I'm beginning to wonder if I made the right move, so it's been pretty much downhill this whole year.

I've just gotten a tip off that an international hotel resort about 15 mins away from home is looking to hire someone for their PR side. I know I stopped working in the corp world because I couldn't take the mundane-ness of it, but seriously, I think I have to be a bit more practical these days.

I think I made a bad move - career wise. I had always wanted to be a writer - for as long as I can remember. Then when this opportunity came along, I jumped at it. But now I'm thinking that it's not that all worth it.

Why?

a) I'm write and do stuff that I don't like, don't believe in or are against my principles because these people are clients. It really makes me think why am I doing this? I've just begun to realize that, at the end of the day, it's not that much about the writing but about how much money they can get from the writing.

b) It's not a job that pays well. I know I get quite a fair bit of free things, like trips or products but those stuff do not help to pay the bills - especially not with the financial situation I've been in for the past 6 months...

Oh well, I just wanted to rant.... sorry about this!

Double bleh

Remember when I blogged about how much I don't like blogging from the office (but just can't help it at times)?

My first blog post of the week Free Your Mind just makes me even more irked...

I mean, seriously? Why does my alignment run like that??? I don't get it. I really don't. I have no problems with getting it right with my own netbook but it's just the office desktop that messes everything up...

If anyone knows how to troubleshoot this, I would really appreciate some help/advise/suggestions.

Thank you!

Maybank's new security feature

For the past month, every time I log into my Maybank online account, I was prompted with a pop-up saying that they'll be upgrading their security services.

Last week when I logged in, I was greeted with a notification asking if I'd like to upgrade now, so I clicked yes. It brought me to a page with about 25 images or so and asked me to choose one. It was quite weird... so I randomly clicked a white flower.

Then they asked me for a security phrase. So I typed in "Take your pants off and jacket". After that, there were the usual three security questions that only I would know the answer yadda 3x.

After that whole process I was thinking "Wow they really went through quite a bit eh?"

Yeah... right...

Because now EVERY TIME I log in... Maybank displays that for the whole damn world to see.

I mean seriously??? If I were to be prompted "Please choose an image/type in your secret phrase to confirm your identity." I wouldn't be as pissed...

Geez... it's not like it's even a trick question... at least they could show me the wrong image/phrase...

So much for "better security"

Bah!

Earth Hour

You know how the hype about saving Mother Nature has taken over our lives by storm in recent years?

While I think it's a noble effort to TRY to get people to help conserve energy through Earth Hour (held traditionally on the last Saturday of each March from 8.30pm-9.30pm local time), I think it's just a bunch of fluff.

Yes. You. Heard. Me. Right.

FLUFF

Why?

If you really want to help save Mother Nature and conserve energy, ONE hour per person in ONE year isn't making that much of a difference.

This whole Earth Hour thingie, is just so that posers can feel good about themselves.... like they've done something.

Think about it. Most people are doing it to be cool and go around telling others "Hey I turned off all the electrical appliances in my home for one hour during Earth Hour, did you?"

You think I'm being cocky, I know... but seriously... think about it... participating in Earth Hour only is like going on a crash diet. And we all know that's not the best way to lose weight.

If you really want to help save Mother Nature and conserve energy, try reducing your carbon foot print on a daily basis.

Be a localvore!

Try to eat foods that are available locally as much as possible. The more imported your foods are, the higher the carbon foot print. Of course the occassional indulgence is allowed but, really... keep it occassional.

You could also try to grown your own stuff. With living space constraints, it's not really possible to plant enough fruits/veg to sustain you (and your family), but it still helps a bit. Plus, at least you'll know the quality of the fruit/veg that you'll be eating!

Save electricity!

Use energy saving bulbs and remember to turn lights and switches off whenever not in use. This can really make a difference in your electricity bill

You should also check your electrical appliances at home. Some might be old, second-hand or even hand me downs. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but sometimes these older ones tend to lose their efficiency and consume more energy.

Travel more carbon foot print friendly!

Carpool if you can. Most people think it's not cool to carpool any more and that being able to travel by yourself in your own car is some sort of luxury. QUIT that thought!

If you can, try to take public transportation as well. It takes a longer time but hey at least it's cheaper than driving and you'll never have to worry about parking... right?

If it's close enough, walk! A little exercise will help lift your spirits and keep you healthy too :)

Oh and if you really don't need to, don't fly.

Recycle!

This is really simple, but it can get a little time consuming. Separate your trash daily - plastics, paper, glass, aluminium... that sorta thing. And make sure if it was a container, like a juice bottle or a soda can, rinse it out first. If it was a pizza box, throw the inner piece away but recycle the outer box.

Bring your own shopping bags. Now this is not an excuse that Malaysia has just implemented this new "fad" and all that nonsense. I've been personally doing this for six years now and believe me, it was bloody difficult getting the cashiers at the supermarkets to let me use my bags and not plastic bags. Plus, these days, all the shopping bags come foldable/collapsible so they're really compact and will fit in your handbag.

(Personally, I carry two shopping bags with me on a daily basis. This is just in case I need to do some shopping, I'll have no excuse.)

You can also recycle your old bits of fruits and veg into compost. It's really easy to do and it's great for your garden!

Remember, a little goes a long way!

If you want to know what your carbon foot print is here or tips on how to reduce it... click here!

Here's mine. I'll be entirely honest, I wasn't sure how much electricity we use at home because I don't have the bill with me... so it was an estimate.

So at the end of this all... NO I will not be taking part in Earth Hour. I believe in doing things in the long run.

Note: All images taken from Getty except for the print screen of my carbon foot print.

bleh

Sometimes I really hate blogging from the office... well not that I'm supposed to but it's a good outlet for me to express myself....

Why?

I cannot cut/copy and paste ANYTHING here.

So I can't show excerpts, I can't embed videos.... I can only type and attach images... which sometimes just irks me like crazy....

Oh and the alignment stuff here goes nuts too... some days it looks fine... other days, no matter how I format it, it just doesn't want to listen to me.... (this post will likely look like I have no idea where the "Enter" button is)

So yeah... that's the reason why I haven't been posting as often (as I should or as I like).

I did, didn't I?

I got a call today from an agency asking me what time will I be arriving for their event. Which made me uber confuzzled <-- see? I love using this portmanteau!

The dude kept insisting that I RSVPed for the event and it's going to happen tonight at 6.30 and if I'd be there and I'm like "What the hell kind of event is this???"

So after a few more mins of wrestling information out of him, he told me to go check out this website.

*lightbulb* I asked "Would I be able to get a copy of the RSVP that I sent over?" because heck, I wanted to see proof!

THEN he tells me "Oh it was sent by post..."

I'm like "Dude I haven't stepped into a post office in ages... I'm pretty sure I didn't RSVP..."

"Yeah but I have your name in my database... it says you RSVPed 9.03am on February 25th..."

So for a moment, I thought okay... maybe I did RSVP for it... so I said I'll take a look at the website and asked if he could call back in an hour's time.

Looked at it... SO not my thing. He's so gonna get it when he calls back

What ticks you?

1. When people who live or work on the 2nd floor take the damned lift.
Walk dammit, WALK! You're only ONE flight of stairs away... heck, my old work place was three storeys high and I used to walk up and down every day IN MY FRICKIN' HEELS!

Every time I'm in the lift and it hits the 2nd floor, I always feel like saying "Dude, you're one floor away... take the stairs,"

Okay fine, if you've got some health condition or are pregnant... but the other people... geez!!!

2. Female drivers who think they're great drivers
I really do. It's a known fact that generally women have a poorer sense of estimation and accuracy when it comes to driving. There are some women who are good drivers and a handful that are great drivers. Other than that, you other women out there fall under bad drivers who probably don't even realize it.

Why do I say that? I've been in SO many scenarios where either I'm with someone who is like that... or I'm driving behind someone like that.

Eg: I'm in the car with a colleague. She gets in, doesn't put on her seat belt and places her left elbow on the arm rest and speeds off. Alternates stepping on the accelerator/brakes as she pleases (mostly because she's going too fast and ends up tailgating someone for most of the journey). Doesn't use the indicator when she switches lanes or turns at corners. Texts while driving - Okay fine I admit, I do this too, but at least I keep my eyes on the road enough to not sway out to the other lane every 5 seconds.

Yeah so that's what ticked me off today :P

How about you? What ticks you off?

疲れちゃった

I'm tired....

of doing this on my own

of trying to stay calm

of being the stronger one

of rushing from home to work and from work back home

of putting on Mary-Fucking-Sunshine face 24/7

I want my life back... I know it's not fair to be whining at this point in time... and technically it's only been six days...

Six days of living with the puppy but not really having the puppy is torture

Six days of watching him suffer in silence is not my cup of tea

Six days of staying cheerful and supportive even though I'm worried is taking a toll

I know he doesn't want to have to depend on me for a lot of things, but it's just that circumstances won't allow him to do quite a bit of stuff on his own.

But seriously, it's not like you're completely bedridden...

I'm just tired of all this... I want my life back...

I want my puppy back

What's the worst that can happen?

Happy New Year peeps.

Remember when I asked the pup what's the worst that could happen after our neverending fevers?

CAUTION: NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED. IMAGE OF FLESH WOUND AHEAD. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK ONLY

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Don't say I didn't warn you. I know some people who cannot look at wounds... they get all disgusted, nauseated, weak in the knees, feel faint or all of the above.

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I always kinda knew that he had a blood pressure problem, but it was today that I realized how severe it was.

The pup was having a bit of a confrontation with our housemate. Long story cut short - he got drunk on NYE, came home kicking up a fuss while his friend was trying to get him to just go back to the bedroom. Cops came in the end to arrest him for being a public nuisance. Pup wanted to just tell him off - drink all you want, please don't make a mess in my house... and come home drunk stealing my ciggies.

I was napping at that point and I heard a loud crash. Thirty seconds later, I heard a bunch of frantic knocks on my bedroom door and a voice "Can you please come out? He's fainted..."

I was pretty drowsy at that time and just nodded.

I walked into the bathroom to freshen up and I heard the pup's voice in the next room. He was going on about "Yeah I'm alright, just that I've been battling a fever so I'm not feeling very well..."

So I thought he was alright.

Next thing I know, I see him standing at our room door looking very dazed. His hand was cupping his chin slightly and he mumbled "Hun... I fainted and hit the floor..."

I saw blood on his chin and ran to get some tissues to help.

He walked towards the wall and just slowly sank to the floor mumbling "I think I'm feeling faint again."

That's when I got a clear look of his wound - a 2"x1" gash that split his chin.

I flipped out.

Thank goodness my first instinct was to run to the kitchen to get a ziplock bag full of ice for him.

He was unstable and still quite pale. I had no choice, I knew I couldn't handle this on my own. The two guys were there, but I knew it was my responsibility. They've caused enough trouble (on my end, or so I felt) and I really didn't want them involved any more. I called an ambulance.

It was the first time in about 10 years or so that I carried out a full conversation in Malay.

Took them 20 minutes to get here and pick him up.

I told the pup that I'll meet him there and they wheeled him out on a gurney.

I ran downstairs to get into my car and saw the ambulance pulling out from the porch and on its way.

That's when I broke down. I don't think I have ever been this scared in my entire life. I was hyperventilating and tears just kept falling down. It lasted a good half hour for me to compose myself.

I finally got to the hospital (without getting lost, thank goodness) and took me 15 minutes to figure out the car parking system, another 10 minutes to figure out where to go and another 15 minutes to find him.

Maybe I was nervous. Maybe I was just too irrational at that point but seriously... these people need to learn how to lay hospital plans out properly! Geez!!!

Anyways, I finally found him. Sitting forlornly in a wheel chair inside the consultation hall. Sat with him throughout the entire procedure.

I took another pic of his wound while waiting for the stitching doctor. It's so scary.

1. Registration and waiting for his turn - 30mins
2. Doctor to assess what's wrong and to prescribe a medical solution - 20 mins
3. Tetanus jab - 2 mins
4. Nurse to send him to get his stitches - never happened.
5. Me to wheel him to get his stitches - 5 mins (it was a very winding maze inside)
6. Waiting to get his stitches - 10 mins (turns out the doc wasn't in - yet!)
7. Getting his stitches done - 20 mins
8. Getting his antibiotics & pain killers - 20 mins (because after you give the pharmacist the prescription, you have to walk all the way back to the registration area to pay... and then all the way back again to get the meds)

We finally got home at about 9pm.

So yeah, lesson learned today is... to keep my bloody mouth shut!

never let your guard down

I realized that I have this curse of never being able to let my guard down, because the moment that happens... shit hits the ceiling...

I'm not just talking about my personal life but also my professional life... bah...

no kids?

Watching Season 3 of Giuliana & Bill on telly yesterday evening, we saw that trying to conceive was really important for the both of them.

I was thinking to myself that maybe it's just not the right time for them, I mean, God does work in mysterious ways and if it's not happening, don't force it.

Then at one point, Giuliana cries as she speaks with the therapist, "It makes me wonder what did we do wrong? Why are we being punished?"

That's when the puppy (who was playing games on his iPhone) comments out loud "Why do you want babies to begin with?"

I'm speechless... and I don't know what to think now....

catch up

I just had a catch up meeting with my editor... apparently I rock in every department except writing.

Apparently my grammer sucks and my style is too corporate, so I'll need to change that.

Bleh.

Happy Monday everyone.

insecurities

I told you so. In an earlier post I was saying that I just don't get to spend enough time at home now. I really do feel guilty.

As a result... the yearning, and mostly guilt manifested in my dream.

I dreamt that I was away on a weekened assignment (as I do quite often these few months) and it got canceled, so I came home. Only to find my largest insecurity come to life (well just in my dream).

In the dream I asked him why. He told me that since I'm always at work and all, he got bored.

To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem. The dream could also indicate that you are unconsciously picking up hints and cues that your significant other is not being completely truthful or is not fully committed in the relationship.

I'm pretty sure it is just the self esteem and all that, since I'm not spending enough time.

Bleh.

this shouldn't be happening

I'm having paranoid dream attacks. Two nights in a row...

It's very subtle, but it's there.

This shouldn't be happening now... not now... not after all that has happened, not after all that we've worked on, not after what we have been through.

I really pray it's just my conscienceness playing a game with me... I really do

having kids

The puppy and I were discussing this article we read about spirituality and that how this guy theorized that having kids is just this way of the devil suckering us into getting more people into this world where all that happens is suffering, growing old and dying.

I do agree with the article at one point because, let's put it this way, we're not entirely enjoying ourselves in this world - we're always worrying and wondering what will happen, the responsibilities of bringing another life into this world

Then he said "You know, that is kinda true... why do people want kids anyways? To feed their egos! To take care of them! Because our forefathers had already done that and implanted that thought in our minds,"

Which then made me wonder... how much is he agree with the article?

From what he's been telling me, he comes off as completely agreeing with the article and saying that we should just be responsible humans and not bring anymore humans into this world to suffer.......

*sigh*

Happy Friday peeps... I'm working this weekend... bleh!