Do I or don't I?

This has been on my mind for a while now - the whole wedding/getting married thing.

It's pretty confusing because growing up, all I did was plan for the perfect wedding. 

Like the typical girl, I had themes, locations, colors, dresses, flowers, songs, who my bridesmaids and maid of honor would be... I even had a guest list written out which I saved in as a draft in gmail that I updated periodically.

That was me all the way up till the last break up. My boyfriend of eight years finally mentioned to me that he never thought of us getting married. 

Spending a lifetime together, yes. Married, no.

Being the traditional girly kind of girl, I thought that was absurd. I mean, why would any one spend SO much time together and not want to be together?

Yes I know, we should've discussed stuff like this earlier but it just seemed that it would be the next natural step for us. I mean at one point when he was moving around for work, he bought a house which he said it's for us. Pointed out where I can plant strawberries and raspberries. Remodeled the kitchen so that I'll have a joyful place to cook meals for our little family. Showed me this horse breeder dude who lived down the road and always had a horse or two in the yard (this was just in case I got bored while he was at work).

As I entered my next relationship, I was still that traditional girly kind of girl who wanted to walk down the aisle in a gorgeous white gown. I still wanted the whole dream. But I was scared. So I took things really slowly. 

I mean really slowly.

I used to freak out at everything. The little gestures he would make. Or the little gestures he wouldn't make. 

But as the years rolled by (we're coming to our sixth year now) I finally realized why the ex didn't want to get married and I agree with him now. Because marriage is just not  a priority. 

The pup and I have been living together for so long that we're pretty much like your average married couple - minus the signed paper, fancy rings and expensive celebration.

Maybe I've grown up. Maybe this relationship has opened my eyes. Whatever it is, while I am still a romantic inside, I've decided that I'm not going to give in to society pressure.  Yes you heard me. I'm not conforming!!!

1. Engagement ring - we all now know it's a scheme created by De Beers back in the late 30s. The whole point of getting one these days, is just to show off to your friends and family how "much" this guy loves you and how much he makes. Why not get a car? Or a house instead? You know what I mean? Plus, diamonds are pretty much worthless and they're a lot more common than you think. Don't believe me? Try reselling your engagement ring and see what you get.

Alternatively, you could just get one of those that look really real but are priced at only a fraction of the cost. Seriously, who's going to know? They just want to see that rock on your finger!

2. Getting legally married - this is what I call, signing the papers. I kinda don't really get the point now, especially for couples like the pup and myself. We live together. We do grocery shopping together. We cook and eat dinner together. We wake up on Saturdays and head out to our usual haunt for breakfast together. Apart from work and toilet time, we pretty much do everything together - like a married couple. So what difference does that piece of paper make? Does it mean that I love him more/less with that? The only reason I can agree with about signing the papers, are spousal benefits.

3. Getting married - this is the annoying part for me. The ceremony. Seriously, why would anyone spend so much money on such an elaborate party, only to later look back at photos and reminisce about how skinny or young we used to look. Don't we all do that with our photos now? Plus - being Asian, there's a whole lot more to do culturally which can seriously make you want to kill yourself, I kid you not.

4. Having kids - another thing I really don't understand. Why would anyone really want to give up their sleep? I assure you, I'm saying this from a neutral point of view. I love kids. I just don't want them for myself. I love playing with them, reading books to them and generally hanging around with them because I'm a big kid myself! I really just don't see why people want to get pregnant (fat and cranky, I might add), push something out of their vagina or have a hole cut in you to remove a baby, and then spend the rest of your life sleep deprived, constantly worried that something will happen to your child or fighting with an angsty kid... all for what? Because everyone's doing it? Because society says it's the right thing to do? Pah! There are plenty of kids out there who have no mommies and daddies - if you're so righteous, why don't you adopt them instead?

If doing all that really makes you happy, by all means go ahead. But please think about it and do it because you really want to, and not because it's the "next natural" thing to do.

With that said, I open the floor for discussion.

Sizzling hot Kylie!

I can't tell which is more sizzling... Kylie or that intricate lace dress!

Image taken from Vogue.

Forever love

Another one I cannot stop listening to... is RAM & Susanna's RAMelia.

This track was written as a tribute to his wife who suddenly passed away. Susanna's vocals are hauntingly moving, making the song emotionally charged.

Here's the original video... fast forward to 2:20 for the emo part... seriously... every time I hear it, hot tears sting my eyes and I get major goosebumps because it brings back so many memories of people I have loved and lost




RAMelia
With a simple smile,
A gentle touch,
You gave us everything,
The warmth of your heart resounding from within…
It’s so hard to let go,
When you mean the world to me…
Yet the twinkles in your eyes keep shooting stars across the skies,
I’ll miss you, love,
And all your colors keep shining through the darkest day,
You’ll never fade away,
Never fade away…
Forever love…

How I know I've met my soulmate

Okay I know, it's a little cheesy but hey Valentine's Day is around the corner. Then I was reading this about how do you know if you've met your soulmate and I thought I could share a couple points of my own.

1. He puts my needs in front of his... and so do I

No it's not done in obligatory  reciprocation... or well it is, kind of. But after being together for over five years, putting one another in front just comes naturally.

2. Same goals/visions in life

I'm pretty sure when we first got together, it wasn't really the same. After all we were in love and everything was covered by smoke screens. But as the weeks and months go by, we slowly gravitate towards the same ideas of life. 

For example - marriage and children. Something that A LOT of people have been asking us about. Somehow or rather we've gotten to a place where we both agree that the only difference between a married couple and us now... is a piece of paper. 

3. Best friends and lovers

This is so true. While we are wildly attracted to each other, we are also best friends. We are together pretty much all the time (except when we are at work) but we still have plenty to talk, laugh and dance around about. 

It gets painful for me (more me than him, I suppose) when we have to separate even for a couple of days. I confess, every time he leaves - I cry. I cry like he's just broken up with me. I cry like some one close to me has just died. He on the other hand, isn't that all visibly upset, that's all.

4. The little things

• So he's got a bad back, so I give him as many massages as he needs (and that I can). 
• He tells me all these funny (albeit sometimes facepalm inducing) jokes and riddles that keep me laughing. 
• Every once in a while we'll publicly show off some cheesy PDA. 
• We also mind our Ps & Qs (even to this day)

5. He can tell...

Whether I'm having a bad day.... if my period is about to come... or if I'm stressed. He's that intuitive. Instead of leaving me alone to deal with it... he comes up with ways to help me deal.

So yeah that's my list of how I know. What about you?

Elie Saab SS14

Ok. I'm a sucker for romantic girly dresses. If you've been following my blog, you would've seen romantic wedding gowns, mermaid/fishtail dresses and Marchesa.

Anyways Elie Saab has just released his Spring/Summer 2014 Couture collection (which you can view here) and HOMAIGAWDDD... it's an ethereal fairytale garden with splashes of romance and happily ever after.

Here are some of my favorites :)

 Pockets in dresses! Brilliant!

 

 Can someone spell ethereal goddess? 

Can't say the same for her expression though.

Ahhhh so pretty

I love how this is so girly elegant

Greek goddesses aren't afraid to show off a little leg

Love the juxtaposition of dark and girly florals

OMG SUPER LOVE!!! I think she looks like a deadly nightshade about to bloom. 

Delicate yet dangerous. 

But you can't help but want to get closer to it.

Black's always a timeless color. 

I love the hemline embellishment. 

Gorgeous. Simply gorgeous.

 

The man himself, Elie Saab. Thank you so much for this gorgeous collection!!!

Dreamy wedding dresses

Okay, I confess... I didn't go scouring the internet for these gorgeous dresses... rather I was inspired by this Buzzfeed post so much so that I thought that I'd repost it with my favourite ones :)

A intricately gorgeous back
From onetowed

Super dainty low-backed dress with an oh-so-soft layered dress
From Wanda Borges

I super love how delicate the straps are and how layered the dress is. Love love love.
From jlmcouture

This is definitely my favorite of the bunch. I love the Grecian
goddess look and it looks airy enough for tropical weathers!
From Shareen Vintage

In case you haven't noticed, I have this thing for dresses that
are delicate and have a lot of layers. But look! Oh so pretty!
Also from jlmcouture

Ok nothing is sexier than a lace-up back, now is there?
From weddbook

Ok not too crazy about the bolero but I do love how
the hemline reaches slightly around the ankles.
From Stephanie Allin

Classic heart shaped top, full skirt and pockets? SOLD!!!
From La Sposa

Butterflies!!! 'Nuff sed :)
From Elizabeth Fillmore Bridal

I love the sequins! The sparkliness it adds just gives it a
more magical kind of feel. Oh and it has pockets!
From the one and only Vera Wang

Love that China (the ceramics, not the country)
peeking out from the bottom of the hemlines
From jasminestar

I love how showing of some leg makes this
dress look even more elegant
From Paolo Sebastian

So what do you think?

The Best Kind of Love

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And that's what you've given me. That's what I'd hoped to give you forever."

~Excerpt from a letter from Noah to Allie, The Notebook (2004)

Walking After You

I had to drive back to Ipoh alone today for Mother's Day weekend... so I left the house about 9-ish after dinner with Colin. It felt rather odd driving home alone. I didn't really want to come home in a way because I've been having quite a few hectic months at work, been traveling quite a bit.

At 9.45pm, Colin texts me "Tune in to Fly FM now please..." so when I did, I heard Basil on, so my first instinct was that he was finally getting airtime! After a few texts back and forth, turns out he requested for a song and he said it's not something that's normally played on radio. Silly me expected a dance song.

That went on ALL the way until I reached home (at 11pm) the radio station didn't play his song. So I called "Hun... I'm already home........ what did you ask for?!?" and he said that the DJ will play it at 11.17pm and that he complained to the DJ asking wtf was taking so long because I had already reached home.

He dedicated this... on national radio to me... <3

I've embedded it on the right panel. If you're not into the mushy type of stuff or you're just plain cynical, don't bother :P I'm just so flustered and speechless right now

Foo Fighters - Walking After You
Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud
Things just wont do without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

If you'd accept surrender, I'll give up some more
Weren't you adored I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I'm on your back, I'm on your back, I'm on your back

If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you
If you walk out on me, I'm walking after you

Another heart is cracked in two, I'm on your back

Who am I most compatible with you say?

Saw a couple of friends taking this quiz... curiosity got the best out of me... so I decided to do it too...

My results :

Your Result

So a Scorpio seems to fit you. They are mysterious, and love to be in charge. However, they tend to be complicated and mask their emotions. You never know what they are thinking.

Hmm... I have to agree to a certain extent on this. I'm a Pisces and both me and Scorpios are water signs hence the fact that we can "flow" together easily.

I've read in many astrological reports on how a Pisces and a Scorpio is a celestial bond and will definitely work... one report even said that this will be a match made in heaven which will give you a warm fuzzy feeling.

This could be love at first sight. Many relationships and marriages take place when these two fall in love. Both will remain loyal, committed and be highly understanding of each other. This could be the one you have been waiting for, Pisces! Pisces and Scorpio are very mesmerizing water signs and capable of captivating each other.

So guess what ? Puppy's a Scorpio ;) *eeee*

lazy days

Am in KL for Jane (my old roomie from Perth)'s wedding... went to her church wedding on Saturday... and the dinner party on Sunday night...

I can't believe it... but Janey's hitched!!! I am unbelievably estatic and happy for her... and I can tell you one thing, I rarely genuinely feel things like this strongly... and when I actually do, that shows how big a deal it actually is.

I can still remember the days when I was sitting in my room working on my assignments... and then this figure walks by my room... and goes "helloooooo...." and doesn't stop.....

OR

the time where she excitedly ran into my room, grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me ALL the way to the bathroom... just to point to our toothbrushes by the sink. All because they were 'kissing'

hahahaha

Have been in KL for the past three days and I'm telling you... I am slowly morphing into

a) a sloth

b) one with the bed (think That 70s Show when Eric overeats and Fez is scared to go near Fat Eric only to find out that Kelso was buried under Fat Eric)

Well, not THAT fat... but I have been so lazy to even get out of bed.... today... it took us HOURS to actually get out of bed (and no.... not because of that!).

I woke up at about 1-ish in the afternoon.... then he woke up.... then instead of getting up... he turned on Top Gear... so we spent hours watching Top Gear... and it was only until we realized that it was already evening... *ooerr*

So we went out for food... dropped by the Digital Mall for a bit.... and then came home...

Now he's gaming... and I'm... well... blogging... hahaha

Tomorrow it's IKEA shopping day!!!! *w00t*

I need to buy

a) 2 chairs (for the dining hall)

b) extra 3-way pin adapters

c) timer (for the hall light)

d) I can't remember...

BUT I did bring my reusable IKEA bag... so... let's just hope I don't load too much stuff in there!

i love you

Yes I finally said it.

It feels like this weight has been lifted off my shoulders.... like the suns rays poking through a cloud of mist showing me the way... I actually feel liberated.

We were hanging out in the hall as usual watching a movie. It's his birthday weekend and I had a menu planned out but unfortunately he had to eat with his grandparents, so our dinner plans got canceled.

We were lying on the couch... snuggling and talking about random stuff as usual... then I looked at him

"I love you..." I said softly. He sat up and smiled at me. I think I caught him off guard. In a way, I felt that he was waiting for me to say it back to him.
"Really?"
"Yes.... I do..."
"I love you too,"

Now I know why they call it those magic three words. Because right now I feel like the world is really all rainbows and sunshine and butterflies and flowers in bloom everywhere.

It really does feel magical to say those three words and really mean it to the person you love in his face. I've never done that before....

I'm on a high...

I Stay In Love

I've always been a fan of MC. I think she rocks and I'm pretty sure a lot of people say this but I really mean it when I say I relate to the lyrics.

This song in particular from her recent album really reaches out to me. I'm in denial about a relationship I'm in. Not that it's that much of a relationship anymore. We were together for 7 years, May this year would have marked the 8th year but we ended it last year, anyhoo we're still very much in contact and we're friends.

He was my best friend, my confidante and the love of my life. And you never throw away something like that easily.

Only my really close friends know about him because others think that this isn't real and that long distance relationships over continents with only technology to keep us together will never work. In fact only a handful of people even know about his existence and what he means to me because it's just too much to explain.

He recently came over for a visit and I had a wonderful three days with him. Things were rather awkward but at the same time everything felt so natural. Our relationship has gone to the level where we can just sit in the same room and we can be doing our own thing or just staring off into space and it feels natural. We don't need to speak to convey anything (which sometimes gets rather creepy)

I would love to try and keep this relationship going. Unfortunately the years and distance has taken a toll on the both of us and we know this is the best thing to do. We're both reluctant to move over and living 14hrs apart is not easy.

I don't know about him but I know I really am still hanging on, hoping that it will one day happen again for the both of us.

I've lived 8 years of my life with him in it.... I really can't imagine my life without my best friend, my confidante and the love of my life.... I can't imagine going through the rest of my life without my Andy.

But deep down, I know that it's never going to happen and it really sucks....

I've been crying since I left him at the airport gates.

He hugged me, kissed me on the forehead and tears just flowed. Then I pushed him away, looked down so that he wouldn't see my tears and said "Just go..." but my voice gave me away. I was quivering.

He didn't let go of me but tilted my chin up and I saw him smiling at me and then he asked "Are you crying?" Then he held me in his arms again and kissed me on the forehead. Then I looked up at him and he said "You were worth the wait," and then he kissed me on the lips and bear hugged me again.

Tears flowed like an open faucet. I couldn't take it. I pushed him away, wiped the tears away and looked at him and said "Just go... please...." and I walked away. I couldn't watch him go past the gates. I couldn't turn back to look at him because I know if I did, I would run after him and ask him not to leave me. I would cry. I would make a huge scene.

I had just said my final good bye to the love of my life. I know I'll probably never see him in real life again.

If holding on is hard, letting go is even harder. But I will always love him.... and nothing will ever change that.

the babygirl and Mr Weldon
August 11, 2008 @ KLIA, Malaysia


Mariah Carey - I Stay In Love
I Stay In Love
Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make up break up can't take this madness
We don't even really know why all I know is baby I
Try and try so hard to keep our love alive
If you don't' know me at this point then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me that unconditional love I used to feel
It's a mistake if we just erase it
From our hearts and minds I know

We said let it go but I kept on hangin' on
Inside I know it's over you're really gone
It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try to front like 'Oh well' each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now, no matter what I do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep it hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall how
we gon' act like what we had
Ain't nothing at all now
Hey, what I wanna do is ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block proud in the SU
We both know our heart is breakin'
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone, although I know

We said let go but I kept on hangin' on
Inside I know it's over you're really gone
It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now no matter what I do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you

We said let go but I kept on hangin' on
Inside I know it's over you're really gone
It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now no matter what I do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you

We said let go but I kept on hangin' on
Inside I know it's over you're really gone
It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now no matter what I do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you

reinjecting romance

with all the shit that goes on in my life... I felt that I had to re-inject some romance back into my life. I went to the local bookstore and zoomed straight in the best-sellers rack. I picked up Cecilia Ahern's ps I Love You.

I have heard SO much about the book. Just the other day Len was telling me that she cried her eyes out watching the movie. Angela bought the book 4 years ago and cried reading it. And since usually the book is always better than the movie, I thought why not. So then I bought my first romance/love novel. (Prior to this was mostly fiction - Anne Rice, James Clavell, John Grisham, you get my drift)

I have only reached 2++ pages in the book and so far, it's alright. Not a tear jerker yet... but let's see how it goes. The first few chapters up to the point she receives the 2nd letter from her dead husband was pretty good... after that, now everything seems pretty predictable...

Maybe I've been a skeptic for way too long.......