Do I or don't I?

This has been on my mind for a while now - the whole wedding/getting married thing.

It's pretty confusing because growing up, all I did was plan for the perfect wedding. 

Like the typical girl, I had themes, locations, colors, dresses, flowers, songs, who my bridesmaids and maid of honor would be... I even had a guest list written out which I saved in as a draft in gmail that I updated periodically.

That was me all the way up till the last break up. My boyfriend of eight years finally mentioned to me that he never thought of us getting married. 

Spending a lifetime together, yes. Married, no.

Being the traditional girly kind of girl, I thought that was absurd. I mean, why would any one spend SO much time together and not want to be together?

Yes I know, we should've discussed stuff like this earlier but it just seemed that it would be the next natural step for us. I mean at one point when he was moving around for work, he bought a house which he said it's for us. Pointed out where I can plant strawberries and raspberries. Remodeled the kitchen so that I'll have a joyful place to cook meals for our little family. Showed me this horse breeder dude who lived down the road and always had a horse or two in the yard (this was just in case I got bored while he was at work).

As I entered my next relationship, I was still that traditional girly kind of girl who wanted to walk down the aisle in a gorgeous white gown. I still wanted the whole dream. But I was scared. So I took things really slowly. 

I mean really slowly.

I used to freak out at everything. The little gestures he would make. Or the little gestures he wouldn't make. 

But as the years rolled by (we're coming to our sixth year now) I finally realized why the ex didn't want to get married and I agree with him now. Because marriage is just not  a priority. 

The pup and I have been living together for so long that we're pretty much like your average married couple - minus the signed paper, fancy rings and expensive celebration.

Maybe I've grown up. Maybe this relationship has opened my eyes. Whatever it is, while I am still a romantic inside, I've decided that I'm not going to give in to society pressure.  Yes you heard me. I'm not conforming!!!

1. Engagement ring - we all now know it's a scheme created by De Beers back in the late 30s. The whole point of getting one these days, is just to show off to your friends and family how "much" this guy loves you and how much he makes. Why not get a car? Or a house instead? You know what I mean? Plus, diamonds are pretty much worthless and they're a lot more common than you think. Don't believe me? Try reselling your engagement ring and see what you get.

Alternatively, you could just get one of those that look really real but are priced at only a fraction of the cost. Seriously, who's going to know? They just want to see that rock on your finger!

2. Getting legally married - this is what I call, signing the papers. I kinda don't really get the point now, especially for couples like the pup and myself. We live together. We do grocery shopping together. We cook and eat dinner together. We wake up on Saturdays and head out to our usual haunt for breakfast together. Apart from work and toilet time, we pretty much do everything together - like a married couple. So what difference does that piece of paper make? Does it mean that I love him more/less with that? The only reason I can agree with about signing the papers, are spousal benefits.

3. Getting married - this is the annoying part for me. The ceremony. Seriously, why would anyone spend so much money on such an elaborate party, only to later look back at photos and reminisce about how skinny or young we used to look. Don't we all do that with our photos now? Plus - being Asian, there's a whole lot more to do culturally which can seriously make you want to kill yourself, I kid you not.

4. Having kids - another thing I really don't understand. Why would anyone really want to give up their sleep? I assure you, I'm saying this from a neutral point of view. I love kids. I just don't want them for myself. I love playing with them, reading books to them and generally hanging around with them because I'm a big kid myself! I really just don't see why people want to get pregnant (fat and cranky, I might add), push something out of their vagina or have a hole cut in you to remove a baby, and then spend the rest of your life sleep deprived, constantly worried that something will happen to your child or fighting with an angsty kid... all for what? Because everyone's doing it? Because society says it's the right thing to do? Pah! There are plenty of kids out there who have no mommies and daddies - if you're so righteous, why don't you adopt them instead?

If doing all that really makes you happy, by all means go ahead. But please think about it and do it because you really want to, and not because it's the "next natural" thing to do.

With that said, I open the floor for discussion.

May

may the sun
bring you new energy by day

may the moon
softly restore you by night

may the rain
wash away your worries

may the breeze
blow new strength into your being

may you walk
gently through the world and know its beauty all the days of your life

~ Apache blessing

歌舞伎 の着物

The pup and I went to a Kabuki Kimono exhibition at Isetan, KLCC today.

Kabuki stands for sing (歌), dance (舞), and skill (伎) which features the art of singing and dancing is known for its avant garde-ness and elaborate make up.

They featured 22 great authentic costumes worn by some of the greatest actors from the Meiji era (明治時代) to the Showa era (昭和時代).

Some names of these grand kimonos will be romanized as I have no frickin' idea on how to type it out.... I've done as much as I can so, if there's anyone who can help me, お願いしますよ!

助六由縁江戸桜 (Sukeroku yukari no Edo zakura) or Sukeroku: The Flower of Edo.

Look how elaborate they are!

Also from Sukeroku, this is Ukonsyusu botankujakusoshisyu keiseikake.

Worn by a lady in the role of 白玉 (shiratama)
Murasakihonjusu kusudamachirashishisyu keiseisake
紫本珠子 薬玉散し刺。。。 (this is as far as I can go :P)

Worn in the role of 意休 (Ikyu) by 7世松本幸四郎 (Matsumoto Koshiro the 7th)
Kurojusuji ryusyokkososhisyu kitsukehaori
黒珠子地龍。。。

Worn in the female role of 花子 (Hanako) in 京鹿子娘道成寺 (Kyokanoko Musume Dojoji)
Kurorinzuji shidarezakura ni odamakinui furisodekitsuke
I'm not even going to attempt this

Another one from 京鹿子娘道成寺 for 花子 's character worn by 6世尾上菊五郎 (Onoye Kikugoro the 6th)

This has got to be my favorite. I just love black kimonos because it makes all the details really "POP" out.

Worn for the character 岩藤 (Iwafuji) in 加賀見山旧錦絵 (Kagamiyama kokyono nishikie) by 5世中村歌右衛門 (Nakamura Utaemon the 5th)
Kuromonrinzu fujishisyu uchikake
黒紋綸子藤刺裲襠

Last but not least - I call this Tiger Stripes :P

Worn in 天竺徳兵衛韓噺 (Tenjikutokubei ikoku banashi) for the character 天竺徳兵衛韓of (Tenjikutokubei)
Kinshikumotatewakunamishishyu yoten
金糸雲立涌。。。

English?

The debate on whether Science and Mathematics should be taught in English has been at the tips of every one's tongues, yet again. After having implementing this system for about 10 years already, the debate is still going on.

Why?

Because they're afraid of losing out. They're afraid that they will lose their culture. Lose their language. Lose their roots. Lose who they really are.

Being Asian, I truly understand the concern. I too believe that you should be true to your roots. Most people would call me a 'banana' - yellow on the outside, white on the inside. That is partially true. But I beg to differ. I grew up speaking English as my first language because my parents didn't speak the same Asian language or dialect. Unlike most others, I speak Mandarin, English, Japanese, Malay and several local dialects fluently.

But what I don't understand is if you want to retain Bahasa Melayu as a proper language, bloody use it as a proper language.

Pick up any Malay newspaper these days and you will notice how many words they borrow from the English language. Countless.

Unfortunately, the Malay language will look sooner or later look like misspelt English.

Realism becomes Realisme. Definition becomes Definisi. Artist becomes Artis. Zoom becomes Zum. Guitarist becomes gitaris. Activity becomes aktiviti. Dance becomes Dansa. Gangsterism becomes Gangsterisme. Revolution becomes revolusi. You get my drift... and the embarrassing list goes on.

So if you're worried about losing out on a language because of these two subjects in school, you people are barking up the wrong tree. You should be more worried about building and preserving the language itself. You should be more worried for the originality of the words chosen for the language. You should be more worried about strengthening the language. You should be more proud of being a speaker of the language and not wanting to sound more foreign.

I'm proud to speak the Malay language. And I'm proud to say I speak it fluently too. Are you?

(Note : The Malay language is relatively a new language as compared to most languages in the world. A number of words were derived from olden languages like Sanskrit, Portuguese and Dutch - since Malaysia was once under their rule.)

changing names

Very often people don't like the names they were given. In fact I know some people who detest their own names.

When I was younger, I didn't like my name... mainly because 8 out of 10 people I meet will never know how to pronounce my name. I mean, if I write it down on a piece of paper and thrust it in your hands and force you to pronounce my name, fine. Earlier this month, I met this girl... who had difficulty pronouncing my name even after I repeated myself three times.... THREE effing TIMES!!!

How hard is it to pronounce Claire? It rhymes with bleh.... or care... or blare.... or where... or chocolate e-clair (okay e-clair a little far fetched but you know what I mean)!

I disliked my name so much, that I contemplated changing it to something... more common when I finally turn 18... like... Elizabeth... or Amy.... or Christine... or maybe even Anne.

Anyways, people have found difficulty in pronouncing my name in the Eastern world not the Western, which reminds me of an article I read in the newsies some time ago about locals who had difficulties with immigrants who had cultural names.

Cultural names are beautiful. Especially when it is painstakingly researched by various members of the family who only wants the best for the newborn child. One of my youngest cousin sister's name was partly chosen by my mother, because she was born on a Wednesday and her Chinese name meant "Coloring of the Dawning Clouds"... so mom named her Wendy.... which of course she doesn't really it but unfortunately has to live with it :P

Unfortunately, when these names come across to the Western world.... they are often misconstrued... mispronounced... misunderstood...

So because of that, the world is slowly ridding itself of meaningful cultural names... and we have more Kevins, Michelles, Jasmines, Andrews, Michaels... you get the picture.

By the way, it's not just non-caucasians who are having this problem. Apparently many Brits who don't like their own names, have switched as well.

Last year, Joel Whittle changed his name. He is now known as Big Crazy Lester (this was taken from Reuters).

You know what? I love my name. I love the fact that my mom took forever to choose which would be the best name for me. I love it that my grandfather painstakingly chose my name over 6-7 choices ever since mom was preggers.

I love it that my name is one of a kind.

I just don't really like sharing it with people because it takes FOREVER to explain my name to them :P