growing old sucks

Yeah you heard me right. Growing old sucks, big time.

I just turned 26 a couple of days ago and I'm telling you... the older you get the more you think. I remember turning 16... gosh was I happy. "Yay, I'm older!!!Yay I'm no longer a kid!!! Yay, I have more responsibilities!!!"

Now, it's "Blehhh, I'm older.... I have more responsibilities.... and more crap to deal with..."

So for CNY, I did spend it with McStupid. We had a nice 24hours together. From 8.30am on the 3rd day of CNY all the way till 8-ish in the morning on the 4th day of CNY. Then... lucky for me, as I was lying in bed watching him sleep at about 6 in the morning, I realized three things.

a) He's not as cute as I remembered him to be.... when I saw him that morning, I had lost the whole 'pounding heart, loss of breath, oh my effing lord he's so bloody cute... zilch. It was just 'Hey, it's McStupid... gee that shirt is red...'

b) He's almost 30... well he's turning 30 next year and he doesn't bloody have any ambition let alone a career. All he wants to do is have fun. I mean, yeah I want to have fun too but I'm not going to just work to have fun. Maybe it's the whole pressure from society - get a job, climb the career ladder, be matured kinda shit. Maybe 8 years ago, I would do it... the whole work just for money so that I can go enjoy life and all. I guess I really am getting old.

c) He's not THE ONE. I thought he was. Or at least I was desperate enough to want to believe that he was. He came at the right timing. I had a new job, I had new friends, I had everything new... and he popped into my life. But I finally learnt that he's not. He's nowhere near being THE ONE.

So as I left (yeah I know this sounds drama-mama) but when I said "Anata, sayonara..." I really felt that I was really saying good bye to him, because at that point, I realized that it doesn't matter to me anymore if I see him again or not. I realized that I've had my fun and that it's over.
He was a season. Can't change that fact that he broke my heart. But I thank him for that. In fact, I thank all broken relationships for broken hearts because it is what's broken which I have mended makes me who I am. The person I am now... has been broken, picked up, dusted off and glued back together. Well, replaced, if not glued :P

Winds have changed. Times have changed. He has changed and so have I. It's over... it's soooo over. Thank god for that!

But heck... it was a shit load of fun while it lasted ;)