Monday, February 16, 2009

my inner demons

I woke up 3am this morning cuz of the first dream... it was rather annoying because I woke up three times before my alarm rang and all because of bad dreams...

The first one was rather silly... just that I dreamt that some weird ass looking dude had broken into the house despite me trying to fend him off... and Colin couldn't do much either... it was scary cuz the weird ass dude looked like a cross between that thing from 300 and Gollum and had brute strength... and it was one of those dreams where no matter how hard I hit, there's no strength... you know like the whole trying to run but can't run in a dream? I woke up shortly after being startled out of my life in that dream... glanced at my watch... dammit it was only 0300hrs...

Then I went back to sleep... and it was like a continuation of that earlier dream... Colin and I were on our bed discussing about what happened and I was telling him how freaked and unsafe I feel now... and that I'm glad he's here with me... then he decided to do some disappearing trick... literally one minute I saw him, the other minute I didn't. Apparently he says he can use it for some defense kinda thing... like disappear and sneak up on the intruder and I don't know punch him or something... but seeing him disappear like that freaked me out even more and I ended up crying... then I woke up... it was 0500hrs...

Went back to sleep for the umpteenth time... then this time, he was back in college for classes... and he asked me to wait in the car for a bit cuz he has to go pick something up. Then one car wanted to move and I was in the way, so I got in the driver's seat and drove further up... then I realized there's an empty parking spot... so I parked... and got down. I saw Mary Ann there so we went yum cha for a bit since I'm waiting for Colin... waited waited waited... didn't show up...

Then after a bit I saw him... with another college friend... and they were walking to where he left the car. So I ran up to him to tell him that I've parked and that we're having drinks... so he and his friends came to join us... and there was this girl who tagged along. Fair, long haired, typical chinese girl with the whole cute-sy look... then she sat between him and his friend... she was pissing me off cuz she was flirting and playing the damsel in distress card on Colin. Then the waiter came to take our drinks order... and Colin ordered... and asked her what she wants... and she's like "Oh I don't know, I can't seem to decide," with the damn pouty lips and the helpless look... so Colin ordered for her... and then he BLOODY PLACED HIS ARM ON THE BACK OF HER CHAIR AND GAVE HER A PECK ON THE CHEEK!

Bloody heck I was so pissed and infuriated... and apparently everyone else at the table knew that something was going on and kept quiet... and he looked at me with the "What's up babe?" look... I poured my entire drink all over him and stormed off... and he didn't even bother to chase after me or call me back...

I woke up at 0700hrs with tears on my pillow....

My inner demon (insecurity) is really showing up now in my dreams... I need to do something about it

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