Brings back memories

I have this massive emotional attachments to songs that I hear... sometimes for the first time... sometimes after something's happened...

I can get very overwhelmed up to the point where I can break down and cry just listening to the lyrics because I can SO relate to it.

A fine example is this song. I've heard it a couple of times on the radio but never bothered too much about it. Then about 2 months ago, I was in the car with my colleagues when this song came on the radio. The car fell silent because they too were listening to it (I hope), and that's when I heard the lyrics for the first time. The lyrics "I have died everyday waiting for you, darlin' don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years... I'll love you for a Thousand more"

 

It pinched my heart. 

 

It made me think of my first love... but then the chatter in the car came back when the song ended - bursting my dream bubble, so I never gave it any more thought.

 

Two nights ago, Andy IMed me on gmail. We IM about once in a while. I try to keep the conversations short because it's not fair for Colin.

 

We talked about work - how I've moved on to another job because my previous one was suffocating me financially. He was telling me how proud he is of me because I've grown up so much in the years that we've been apart. Then it got to a point where I was telling him that people say that I'm a very patient person and he said 

 

"Yeah I know that. You put up with me for so many years..."

"Yeah that's because I was in love with you... I thought this was for the long run... I wanted this for the long run so if it doesn't kill me... why not?"

"I hate it when you say it in past tense..."

"Andy... I still love you... but it's a different kind of love now... I will always love you - because you were a big part of my life..."

"I still love you too... and will always... and you're one of the few people left who call me 'Andy'."

"Oh? I thought everyone called you Andy..."
"Back then yes, now it's just my mom, my dad, my sister.... and you. It's like... you're family..."

Then we moved on to continue talking about work... and I had to go to sleep.

When I woke up, Colin played this song on youtube and as I listened to the lyrics, I couldn't help but feel.

I know I'm still in love with him. But I hate having that feeling especially when I'm with someone else. I hate it because it makes me doubt - am I doing the right thing?

 

Christina Perri - A Thousand Years

Heart beats fast
Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid to fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still
Beauty in all she is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away
What's standing in front of me
Every breath
Every hour has come to this

One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer
One step closer

[Chorus:]
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darling don't be afraid I have loved you
For a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more