deja vu

Had to go down to KL for work stuff today. I was dreading it the whole time because it was going to be at the Mandarin Oriental KLCC. And of course this is again about Andy.

I'm the kind of person who holds on to every little thing in a relationship that has passed and I will savor it slowly (in a way). I guess to me it's like, if I hold on to it, it will happen again. Somehow I just stop living and pause my world and make it revolve around just that bit.

I had flashbacks on the way there. I remember how I felt as I was feeling as I passed by the trees and the mountain range. I remember when I received his text telling me that he had just boarded his train and he'll see me in a couple of hours time and that he needs to shave, he's tired and he's just had the second worst hotel room. I remember bursting out in laughter and relief about that. I remember showing Len his text and she said "What's wrong with the man?"

When I got to KL, I thought, okay let's just not stop living, let's just go on. I'm only going to the hotel for a forum. I'm not going shopping. I can do this. Or so I told myself.

After the forum, I went over to Starbucks (can't live without my coffee unfortunately), which was pretty much not the best choice I made the entire day.

Up to the point where I reached the hotel all the way till I walked over to Starbucks, I was doing fine...

Until I saw KLCC park and I saw the spot where we sat down to talk and laugh and take photos like amazed tourists.

Then everything came rushing back to me.

What he said. What he wore. What he took pix of. What he wanted to do. What we looked at. What we talked about.

"Here's your mocha, miss" the barrista said which helped snap me out of my day dream. Then I walked back to the hotel because my driver was waiting for me there.

Snap snap snap out of it, I told myself. It's not like he's dead. It's not like we can't work this out, we just need to get the timing right to talk right now. That's all... you're making a mountain out of a molehill, I told myself. Which is true, I always make a mountain out of a molehill.

So I snapped out of it. Or at least I thought I did, until I saw the bus that I took home from the airport. It was right in front of us on the highway on the northbound route like us.

I hate this. I really do. I wanna move on. Unfortunately something somewhere is holding on to it. And if I hold on, I'm never gonna move on.............