Regret is a big fat bitch kicking you in the arse

There are many things I regret not doing when he was around.

1) I regret not jumping into the pool at the hotel with him even though I didn't bring a suit. I could have just worn one of my strappy tops and my low rise undies (which btw does look very bikini bottom like)
2) I regret not asking if I'll ever see him again
3) I regret not snuggling up to him when I woke up in the middle of the night and realizing that I had moved over to my side.
4) I regret not taking enough photographs of us
5) I regret not kissing him at the train station
6) I regret not asking him to stay earlier
7) I regret not asking him to take him with me
8) I regret not telling him that I love him
9) I regret not asking him about the past or the future

I think I never did all these things because I was afraid. I knew that if I told him that I loved him, I would expect him to say it in return and I didn't want him to say it because I said it.

I was afraid that if he said it because I said it, it wouldn't be real.

I was afraid that if I said it and he didn't say it in return I would be heartbroken.

I was afraid that if I took a million pictures of us together I would have a hell of a time trying to get over this.

I was afraid that if I asked him about the past of the future, I would be disappointed.

I was afraid of so many things. I was so afraid that I didn't do anything. I never jumped at the opportunity to do so many things with him around.

Now I have to live with regret, not knowing what would happen if I did tell him I loved him. I will never know how he really feels.