effing pissed

Before I actually go on with the story... these are some random thoughts going on in my mind. Granted that it's mainly about him. Yes, YOU.

Andy and I, finito. I give up. With the whole "I wanna work things out," and all that effing nonsense, I have had enough of it. I've had it for eight bloody years and you know what, if it didn't work out then it's not going to work out now and frankly, I can't take it any more. Who am I trying to kid?

Then when a door closes, another opens. I know it's corny but it does happen.

I am now in a very new relationship and I am utterly happy being with him. He is one of the most wonderful people I have ever met on earth and being with him is just.... makes me speechless. We've been together for almost a month now and I'm telling you, time flies when you're having fun.

He's currently back in university studying sound and music production.

Unfortunately for him, I am effing pissed at him right now. Why you ask? Because of something he did which was incredibly disrespectful.

Call me sensitive or whatever it is... read on and tell me if I'm being unreasonable.

So this is what happened.

Last Sunday before he left for KL, he told me that he would drive me for my interview on Thursday and that we'll meet up at Maria's for lunch. After that we could go traipsing around at the mall.

Then on Monday when he's back in KL... all of a sudden he goes berserk because he JUST got a reminder that he has to pick up a friend from the airport who by the way will be flying in from overseas ON Thursday itself. Coincidence. Oh well, so I graciously told him to go ahead with his plans since he had committed to it much earlier anyways. Besides, I totally understand. Also I wouldn't want him to interfere with my life with my friends anyways.

Halfway thru our conversation, he tells me that she's a producer of a show on a music channel... then the green eyed monster hit me saying "Oooh his friend is a she..."

Few weeks before, he had mentioned that he has a friend who is producer and that the friend was interested in using one of his compositions for the music in one of the many programs. So I thought, okay.... shouldn't be anything to worry about.

After that he kept going ON and on about how sorry he is and how sad he is that I'll be doing this by myself and all that nonsense. Then he's all like "Oh I shouldn't have committed to my friend, oh I wish I didn't..." and I wasn't in the mood to bother. I had a job interview to prep for. So I told him it's fine, don't worry about it and that I'll give him a call after and we'll catch up if he's free.

So my interview ended at 6.30pm and I had already called Mary because I really wanted to meet up with her for dinner. We made plans to meet up at 1U at 7.30pm if there's no jam because it was after office hours and if there was one, most likely I'll be stuck in it. If there was a jam, I was to call her and cancel our dinner plans because I didn't want to get home too late at night.

Then I texted him telling him that I'm done and I'm on my way to meet up with Mary if there's no jam. He replies "Sorry sweetheart but I'm a bit tied up here... I guess I'll just have to catch you when I get home tomorrow :("

Eff that.... heck I wanted to meet Mary more than I wanted to meet up with him anyways.

Surprisingly there was NO jam at all and I reached 1U at 7pm, so I did a spot of shopping while waiting for Mary.

When she turned up, the teasing started. He had good timing, because the moment Mary got into teasing, he chose that moment to call me.

So Mary and I got to talking about why he wasn't around and she asked "So? She's a producer big deal... can't we all meet her and have dinner together? What's the big deal?"

That thought had been running through my mind the entire day. What was the big deal? Why couldn't we all hang out.

And I'm like "Yeah, I don't get him. I don't mind that he's made earlier plans with his friends but my point is that, I'm effing here and I deliberately chose the day where he has no classes AND I'm literally 15 mins away. Why can't he just bloody come out to have dinner?"

The conversation went on and on. I rationnalize and gave him the benefit of the doubt - she IS his college friend and they're both in the same industry, they probably wanna catch up and have a good laugh. That and I should learn to trust people and have some faith in humanity

Because NOT everyone is a cheating scumbag.

So after dinner, Mary walked me to my car and I hit the highway. I texted him along the way to tlet him know that I was on my way home. Then after a couple of texts, he tells me that she's bunking over tonight "friend is bunking over and busy playing games on desktop, I'm using the notebook,"

Bloody heck. Here I am, driving at 75mph on the effing highway at 10.30pm and he chooses THEN to tell me that she is bunking over????

He effing had the entire day to bloody tell me over the bajillion texts and during the phone calls but he chooses the time when I'm on my way home in the midst of darkness and the bright lights of on coming cars shining in my eyes to tell me. Bloody hell.

I couldn't reply his text. But after mulling on the drive AGAIN I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He has always been a gentleman, a respectful guy. He'll probably bunk on the couch or she'll bunk on his couch...

I was pretty pissed that the moment I got home, I didn't want to tell him that I was home. But then I didn't want him to worry, I mean I know I'm effing pissed BUT doesn't mean that I should let him worry about my safety.

Yes, I know I put myself in his shoes a shit load more than I put myself in shoes... or his in my shoes.

So I IMed him. He was on "Away" and there was no answer on his private IM account (I'm the only one on it) so I thought "Fuck that... I'm gonna go shower,"

Turns out he had texted me but I didn't hear it and only saw the text after I got out of the shower. "Bunny, are you home yet? I'm out eating btw,"

Being the pissed off girlfriend. I replied "Bunny has collapsed," (Yes that's me throwing a fit, I never make a scene because it's degrading and if he doesn't get that I'm pissed after a few times, fuck that... he can take a hike)

He replied me saying that he's very tired himself and that he's on his way home now and he'll probably collapse too.

Then he got home and IMed me

He says:
me tooo
He says:
*muah
He says:
i'm gonna collapse as well
He says:
gnite sweetie
He says:
sweet dreams

I was TOO worked up to sleep. I was wide awake but bloody tired. I kept tossing and turning. Then when I finally got to sleeping, I was woken up by the sound of a million IM alerts pinging at 5am.

He says:
hi baby bunny..
He says:
i had another weird dream
He says:
my poor friend became a victim though
He says:
haha
He says:
i got so annoyed in the dream that i made a punch, and it manifested in real life. i punched my friend in the back of the head.
He says:
i had to get up.. in fear i'll doze back off into the same dream...

He had punched her in his sleep.... HE PUNCHED HER IN HIS SLEEP. That bloody means they were fucking sleeping in the same bed! Can you even imagine how pissed I am. It was bad enough that I was bloody tired and worked up and he wakes me up at 5am to tell me that?!

He says:
anyway, will see you later this evening. yay.
He says:
take care. *muah
I say:
you woke me up
He says:
*snuggles*
He says:
sorry to have waken you
I say:
you punched her in the head?
He says:
yeah
I say:
didn't she wake up?
He says:
she did
He says:
haha
I say:
Goodness
He says:
she was like WTF?!
I say:
did you punch her hard?
He says:
yeah. stupid annoying little girls were annoying me and mocking me in my dream and i got so angry i lashed out
He says:
and i swung in real life
He says:
and whacked my friend
He says:
i think it was quite hard...
I say:
good lord.......
I say:
you're a dangerous person to sleep with
He says:
:(
He says:
i got issues.
I say:
lucky you didn't kick her off the bed or something
He says:
haha
He says:
yeah
He says:
imagine if i had that horse dream
He says:
haha

He kept going on and on about how he cocked his fist back and took a hard swing at her as if it was really funny. I mean come on... it was 5am for crying out loud. (Btw the horse dream was where he shoved a black stallion that was sleeping on his bed)

Then after he was done talking about it, he asked me how my trip was.

I say:
the moment my head touched the pillow my eyes closed
He says:
i did the same after i came home from food
He says:
plonked and zonked
I say:
what did you eat
He says:
then 3 hours later I punched my friend
He says:
haha
He says:
*doosh*
I say:
You didn't let the food digest properly
He says:
yeah
I say:
see what happens when you don’t?
He says:
thats what she said
I say:
you're not sleeping next to me
He says:
"who asked you sleep so fast after eating?!"

I had to keep my cool. Either that or I'd lash out at him like some crazed emotionally unstable woman. Which is why I never make a scene. It's not worth it. But I also think that I was partly numb from the exhaustion and lack of sleep that I couldn't be bothered to lash out at him or be taht all pissed that he was sleeping in the same bed with another woman.

He kept rambling, and I couldn't take it any more...

I say:
hun...go back to sleep
I say:
you're rambling....
He says:
yeh
He says:
*muah
He says:
sorry sweets
I say:
it's okay
He says:
I'm off then.
I say:
:)
He says:
*muah
He says:
sorry
He says:
But I miss you :(
I say:
it's okay
I say:
you can go on rambling if you want
He says:
We didn’t talk the whole day
He says:
:(
I say:
what do you mean we didn’t talk the whole day
I say:
We texted
He says:
haha
I say:
then you called during dinner time
He says:
ok ok
I say:
just probably not enough :P
I say:
Hahahaha
He says:
not enough
He says:
yeah
He says:
:P
He says:
ok
He says:
lets get back to sleep before the sun rises

So, I asked him to get back into bed with the girl. I couldn't care too much. What was done is done. If they were doing it then fine... they can just bloody do it again.

I know it's crazy but I know him. He wouldn't do it. But thoughts like these are the first ones that run thru your mind when a situation like that happens. I am female after all.

I didn't come this far and stick my neck out so much in this much disapproved relationship to be taken down by one setback like this.

Thing is, knowing the person that he is, he doesn't realize that what he did wasn't right. To him it was just his old friend bunking over. I mean how would he feel if I had done the same thing?

Granted that she is a very close friend and all, how would he feel if my old friend came over and bunked on the same bed as me? I know I trust him but just the thought of it is... bloody annoying.

I mean, seriously......

I sometimes seriously dislike being in a relationship because of all these stuff that I need to go through. The green eyed monster in me makes me an insanely jealous and intensely possesive person.

I am in a frame of mind where I want to scream and yell at him for being so bloody disrepectful, especially since he's the one who started telling people that we are dating.

I mean, at least have the bloody effing courtesy or decency to tell me that your friend is gonna be coming over and you guys wanna hang out and catch up and that she'll be bunking over. I don't mind. I seriously don't. Either that or just keep your bloody trap shut and never let me find out.

And throughout the entire day he kept texting me to tell me to be careful and that he misses me. Fuck. If you really did miss me, you would at least make the bloody effort to come out and see me even for a little bit.

Fuck it all, I'm ranting because I'm bloody effing pissed.