I heard this song over the radio the other day and the lyrics of the song just reached out and sucked me in... I couldn't imagine loving someone so much as the lyrics say.
I always find some sort of fault with every person I am with.
But after listening to this song, I realize, everyone, when in a relationship will feel that the other person completes the missing piece in their lives - whether you want to admit it or not.
It makes me realize that at the peak of the relationship, this is what I feel all the time.
Love conquers all.
I am a hopeless romantic.
I yearn for the romance spun in love stories, movies, poetry and songs.
I felt this rush of emotions surging through when I think of the most recent relationship. Not that it was really one to even consider a real relationship. But whatever it is, whatever I went through with him for the past 4 days, I felt invincible. I felt that nothing could go bad. I felt that I was on top of the world. It felt perfect.
The chorus touches my heart the most. Generally if it's translated into English and sung, it would be UBER cheesy but here, it is one of most beautiful lines I have ever heard.
I hope one day, someone.... will sing this for me... and not because I like the song.... but because he really feels this way for me....
Andra and The Back Bone - Sempurna
Kau begitu sempurna (You are so perfect)
Dimataku kau begitu indah (In my eyes you are so beautiful)
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu (You make me want to praise you always)
Disetiap langkahku (In every step that I take)
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu (My self will always think of you)
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu (I can't get used to imagining life without your love)
Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku (Don't you leave me please)
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua (I can't face all this)
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa (Only with you, I can)
Kau adalah darahku (You are my blood)
Kau adalah jantungku (You are my heart)
Kau adalah hidupku (You are my life)
Lengkapi diriku (Completes me)
Oh sayangku, kau begitu (Oh my love, you are so)
Sempurna... Sempurna... (Perfect... perfect...)
Kau genggam tanganku (You hold my hand tight)
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh (At moments when I am weak and fallen)
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku (You whisper words and rid all my regrets)
Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku (Don't you leave me please)
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua (I can't face all this)
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa (Only with you, I can)
Kau adalah darahku (You are my blood)
Kau adalah jantungku (You are my heart)
Kau adalah hidupku (You are my life)
Lengkapi diriku (Completes me)
Oh sayangku, kau begitu (Oh my love, you are so)
Sempurna... Sempurna... (Perfect... perfect...)
Kau genggam tanganku (You hold my hand tight)
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh (At moments when I am weak and fallen)
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku (You whisper words and rid all my regrets)
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
i hate relationships
I had just come back from one of the largest IT exhibitions/congress in the world. I've been working my ass off for the past few months preparing for this and we're JUST a state partner, I can't imagine what the organizers had to go through! kudos peeps!
Right before I left for the exhibition/congress, I had an argument with someone really close to me... it was partly my fault... but then again I had to get it off my chest. I knew I had to say something. I could not hold it in anymore. Keeping secrets to yourself only does damage to your soul.
Going off for work, one week away from home - good time to clear head. Or so I thought.
You know how things always happen or pop up when you least expect it? I hate it when that happens, because the optimist in me believes that "Oh my god... could this be it?!?!" and I get all excited for a teeny little thing.
I met a guy while at work. He was nice. Not super good looking but not too bad either. But then again everyone looks good in a suit. First day, things went well... everyone was getting to know each other... and he was charming, very gentlemanly.
Come first day of the exhibition, he was barely around but then again I barely noticed because we were all busy preparing for the Prime Minister's visit and all the delegates who kept asking the same questions again and again and again...
Second day of the exhibition, he started to hang out with me.
Then he asks
"Hey have you had brekkie yet?"
"Yeah, I ate before I came over this morning at the hotel... why? Have you not eaten?"
"Yeah I haven't.... I wonder who can I get to go eat with me," and he smiles at me
"If you want me to go with you to eat, just say so...."
"Hahaha you're good. Come let's go eat," and he pulls me by the arm and leads me towards the cafeteria.
After that we took a long walk back to the exhibition hall. He's a good conversationalist. He's politically active which kind of made me realize why he's such a friendly person but I dismissed it. Slightly before lunch, I was cleaning up and had to tie a ribbon to this gift that we were going to present to the King during his visit when he came up and asked me
"Hey, who are you having lunch with?"
"I don't know... it depends really..."
"Okay set. You're having lunch with me,"
"Umm okay..."
"But we have to go in like 5 mins...."
"Dude... it's like only 12.30 and at least let me finish this ribbon thing,"
"Yeah I kinda have to go back to feed my cats cuz one of them is preggers,"
So he drove back to this mini-mart near his place, bought some cat food, drove back to his place to feed his cats while I waited in the car and we had lunch and then he drove us back.
By then everyone was already questioning where the both of us had gone to and why did we take such a long lunch break. Geez.... can't a girl have a nice lunch date with a guy?
Throughout the rest of the exhibition hours, we were laughing and talking non stop and that got me thinking... could this work out? Not that I wanted him to be the one but I haven't had this kind of feeling in a super long time and I wasn't one to push that away.
All of a sudden, 20 minutes before the exhibition closes, he comes up to me and whispers
"Hey give me your resume,"
"My what?"
"Resume... your CV,"
"I don't have it here with me..."
"I know, email it to me... I found you a job in KL," and he looks at me with a smile lighting up his face.
"Really?"
"Yeah.... oh hey you know what, better yet... come..." and he held his hand out to take mine.
"Come? Where are we going?"
"Don't ask. Just come," and he grabs my hand and pulls me over to him and walked off.
Apparently he's not supposed to be doing this because the guys that he is about to introduce me to are his company's competitors. When we got over there, he was highly recommending me to this Director of Sales and Senior Manager and god knows what on earth he had told them earlier that they wanted me to send in my CV as soon as possible.
Then towards the end of the day, he invited me to go watch him play futsal after the exhibition. If you're not too tired, he added. So I told him that I have to go back to shower and change out of my business suit first and he told me he'd wait for me.
I saw his car waiting at the hotel lobby and I walked right up to it and opened the door. The damn thing was shut! Then he looked up and fumbled with his CD holder and quickly unlocked the door and smiled at me. "Wow, you know I didn't recognize you. I actually saw you walking across the lobby but I didn't know it was you... you look good..."
So we went to his futsal match. Saw his co-worker there as well and we had a quick chat and then we left to go back to his place. He made me sit in the hall because his room was in a real mess and he wanted to clean up first. Apparently he didn't want me to sit in the hall for too long just in case his roomies come home and ask a lot of questions yadda3x
So while he showered I busied myself with his computer and books. Then he came in and said
"So what do you want to eat?"
"Dude, you're the one from around here... you tell me... I'm pretty much up for anything,"
"Okay... are you hungry yet then?"
"Not really.... maybe just a tad, why?"
"Your feet still hurting?" while gesturing to my feet cuz the whole day I was complaining about sore feet and a blister
"Yeah they do..."
"Here... gimme your foot," and he grabs a bottle of baby oil and a chair and starts massaging my feet!
Right foot... left foot.... then moved up to my back because he could see that I had tensed shoulders (don't ask me how he knew) and the great part was that... it was JUST a massage... I kinda expected that he would try something but I wanted to wait and see.... and he didn't do anything. Even though we were alone in his room with the door closed.
So after that we went out for a late dinner, he introduced me to his roomies as we exited his apartment
We sat there chatting the night away during dinner and he sent me back to my hotel. The moment I reached for the door to get out from the car, he says "Hey!" as though I had forgotten something and when I turned around, he pointed to his cheek so I gave him a peck on the cheek and he smiled.
I changed into my jammies and crawled into bed. There I was lying down in the dark - thinking, replaying what happened today. Wondering if he's worth it. Wondering why he was so nice to me. Asking myself if he wanted to, would I date him. Then all of a sudden my cell phone rings *dammit I left it on 'Loud'*
Quickly I grab it and whisper "Hello?" I didn't even look at who was the caller...
"Hey... are you asleep?" it was him
"No.... just lying in bed... why?"
"Why aren't you sleeping yet?"
"Well if I were sleeping, why did you wake me up?"
"Nah, just wanted to tell you that I just got home..."
"Oh... okay,"
"Oh and my roomies did think you were Malay... you were right..." (I had told him earlier on that a lot of people have mistaken me for a Malay before and apparently they had grilled him about who I was)
So we chatted for a little while more and then he told me that I should go to sleep and he'll see me in the morning.
Third and final day of the exhibition. It was an uber busy day. I ran upstairs and downstairs (not to the lady's chamber though hahaha) and had barely time to spare at our booth - hence less time to spend hanging out with him. Fortunately and ironically he was busy too so he TOO barely had time to spend at the booth.
My co-worker approached me and told me bluntly that everyone in our exhibition booth thinks that me and him are dating and asked me if it's true or not. Of course I denied that something was going on between the both of us and said that we were just friends. So I texted him "Hey, everyone thinks that we're dating... hahaha" and he replied "Eh? Really? Hahaha did they know that you were out with me last night?"
Then later towards the evening he was rather busy and I overheard him telling some guy that he has a business meeting to go to after work. Then he walks over to me and tells me that he's got something going on tonight, his boss called and he has to go for a meeting and that we can only hang out later - after he's done with his meeting. So I told him I was fine with it and work is work. Besides, I had JUST gotten to know him, I didn't think that he would be at my every beck and call.
So after the exhibition ended... he walked me to my car, helped me with my bags and all and made sure that I had already sat in the driver's seat when he said "Hey..." again. This time, he kissed me on the lips lightly and gave me a hug and said "Bye sayang..."
Later that night when I was at dinner with my co-worker, he calls.
"Hey, watchu up to?"
"Eating dinner.... aren't you supposed to be at some meeting?"
"Yeah I am but I decided to call it off... wanna hang out?"
"Sure but you have to let me finish my food first..."
"Okay I'll wait for you at the hotel lobby then. Text me when you're done eating alright?"
So after that, we go back to his place... watched a movie... and made out a little... which was fine by me. He's not a bad kisser.
Later in the night he drives me back to the hotel and as I reached out to open the car door, he gestures for me and gives me a look. So I reach over and kissed him on the cheek... and he holds my face with his hands and kisses me slightly on the lips and says "Good night sayang,"
And that is it.... do you see the pattern? The same old pattern I go through every single little relationship in the past few years. And you know what's the worst part? I come home and decide to do a little e-stalking and guess what I find out. He's engaged to his girlfriend of at least 3 years.
Good one babygirl... give yourself another pat on the back because ONCE again, you have failed to see all the signs.
Okay you know what, let's rephrase.
You did not fail to see all the signs, you FAILED to acknowledge the signs leading to the big hole in the ground because of your ignorance. You have no one to blame but yourself....
(p/s : I know I'm being a tad harsh on meself but then again, that's the way it goes for being such an optimist and so trusting....)
Right before I left for the exhibition/congress, I had an argument with someone really close to me... it was partly my fault... but then again I had to get it off my chest. I knew I had to say something. I could not hold it in anymore. Keeping secrets to yourself only does damage to your soul.
Going off for work, one week away from home - good time to clear head. Or so I thought.
You know how things always happen or pop up when you least expect it? I hate it when that happens, because the optimist in me believes that "Oh my god... could this be it?!?!" and I get all excited for a teeny little thing.
I met a guy while at work. He was nice. Not super good looking but not too bad either. But then again everyone looks good in a suit. First day, things went well... everyone was getting to know each other... and he was charming, very gentlemanly.
Come first day of the exhibition, he was barely around but then again I barely noticed because we were all busy preparing for the Prime Minister's visit and all the delegates who kept asking the same questions again and again and again...
Second day of the exhibition, he started to hang out with me.
Then he asks
"Hey have you had brekkie yet?"
"Yeah, I ate before I came over this morning at the hotel... why? Have you not eaten?"
"Yeah I haven't.... I wonder who can I get to go eat with me," and he smiles at me
"If you want me to go with you to eat, just say so...."
"Hahaha you're good. Come let's go eat," and he pulls me by the arm and leads me towards the cafeteria.
After that we took a long walk back to the exhibition hall. He's a good conversationalist. He's politically active which kind of made me realize why he's such a friendly person but I dismissed it. Slightly before lunch, I was cleaning up and had to tie a ribbon to this gift that we were going to present to the King during his visit when he came up and asked me
"Hey, who are you having lunch with?"
"I don't know... it depends really..."
"Okay set. You're having lunch with me,"
"Umm okay..."
"But we have to go in like 5 mins...."
"Dude... it's like only 12.30 and at least let me finish this ribbon thing,"
"Yeah I kinda have to go back to feed my cats cuz one of them is preggers,"
So he drove back to this mini-mart near his place, bought some cat food, drove back to his place to feed his cats while I waited in the car and we had lunch and then he drove us back.
By then everyone was already questioning where the both of us had gone to and why did we take such a long lunch break. Geez.... can't a girl have a nice lunch date with a guy?
Throughout the rest of the exhibition hours, we were laughing and talking non stop and that got me thinking... could this work out? Not that I wanted him to be the one but I haven't had this kind of feeling in a super long time and I wasn't one to push that away.
All of a sudden, 20 minutes before the exhibition closes, he comes up to me and whispers
"Hey give me your resume,"
"My what?"
"Resume... your CV,"
"I don't have it here with me..."
"I know, email it to me... I found you a job in KL," and he looks at me with a smile lighting up his face.
"Really?"
"Yeah.... oh hey you know what, better yet... come..." and he held his hand out to take mine.
"Come? Where are we going?"
"Don't ask. Just come," and he grabs my hand and pulls me over to him and walked off.
Apparently he's not supposed to be doing this because the guys that he is about to introduce me to are his company's competitors. When we got over there, he was highly recommending me to this Director of Sales and Senior Manager and god knows what on earth he had told them earlier that they wanted me to send in my CV as soon as possible.
Then towards the end of the day, he invited me to go watch him play futsal after the exhibition. If you're not too tired, he added. So I told him that I have to go back to shower and change out of my business suit first and he told me he'd wait for me.
I saw his car waiting at the hotel lobby and I walked right up to it and opened the door. The damn thing was shut! Then he looked up and fumbled with his CD holder and quickly unlocked the door and smiled at me. "Wow, you know I didn't recognize you. I actually saw you walking across the lobby but I didn't know it was you... you look good..."
So we went to his futsal match. Saw his co-worker there as well and we had a quick chat and then we left to go back to his place. He made me sit in the hall because his room was in a real mess and he wanted to clean up first. Apparently he didn't want me to sit in the hall for too long just in case his roomies come home and ask a lot of questions yadda3x
So while he showered I busied myself with his computer and books. Then he came in and said
"So what do you want to eat?"
"Dude, you're the one from around here... you tell me... I'm pretty much up for anything,"
"Okay... are you hungry yet then?"
"Not really.... maybe just a tad, why?"
"Your feet still hurting?" while gesturing to my feet cuz the whole day I was complaining about sore feet and a blister
"Yeah they do..."
"Here... gimme your foot," and he grabs a bottle of baby oil and a chair and starts massaging my feet!
Right foot... left foot.... then moved up to my back because he could see that I had tensed shoulders (don't ask me how he knew) and the great part was that... it was JUST a massage... I kinda expected that he would try something but I wanted to wait and see.... and he didn't do anything. Even though we were alone in his room with the door closed.
So after that we went out for a late dinner, he introduced me to his roomies as we exited his apartment
We sat there chatting the night away during dinner and he sent me back to my hotel. The moment I reached for the door to get out from the car, he says "Hey!" as though I had forgotten something and when I turned around, he pointed to his cheek so I gave him a peck on the cheek and he smiled.
I changed into my jammies and crawled into bed. There I was lying down in the dark - thinking, replaying what happened today. Wondering if he's worth it. Wondering why he was so nice to me. Asking myself if he wanted to, would I date him. Then all of a sudden my cell phone rings *dammit I left it on 'Loud'*
Quickly I grab it and whisper "Hello?" I didn't even look at who was the caller...
"Hey... are you asleep?" it was him
"No.... just lying in bed... why?"
"Why aren't you sleeping yet?"
"Well if I were sleeping, why did you wake me up?"
"Nah, just wanted to tell you that I just got home..."
"Oh... okay,"
"Oh and my roomies did think you were Malay... you were right..." (I had told him earlier on that a lot of people have mistaken me for a Malay before and apparently they had grilled him about who I was)
So we chatted for a little while more and then he told me that I should go to sleep and he'll see me in the morning.
Third and final day of the exhibition. It was an uber busy day. I ran upstairs and downstairs (not to the lady's chamber though hahaha) and had barely time to spare at our booth - hence less time to spend hanging out with him. Fortunately and ironically he was busy too so he TOO barely had time to spend at the booth.
My co-worker approached me and told me bluntly that everyone in our exhibition booth thinks that me and him are dating and asked me if it's true or not. Of course I denied that something was going on between the both of us and said that we were just friends. So I texted him "Hey, everyone thinks that we're dating... hahaha" and he replied "Eh? Really? Hahaha did they know that you were out with me last night?"
Then later towards the evening he was rather busy and I overheard him telling some guy that he has a business meeting to go to after work. Then he walks over to me and tells me that he's got something going on tonight, his boss called and he has to go for a meeting and that we can only hang out later - after he's done with his meeting. So I told him I was fine with it and work is work. Besides, I had JUST gotten to know him, I didn't think that he would be at my every beck and call.
So after the exhibition ended... he walked me to my car, helped me with my bags and all and made sure that I had already sat in the driver's seat when he said "Hey..." again. This time, he kissed me on the lips lightly and gave me a hug and said "Bye sayang..."
Later that night when I was at dinner with my co-worker, he calls.
"Hey, watchu up to?"
"Eating dinner.... aren't you supposed to be at some meeting?"
"Yeah I am but I decided to call it off... wanna hang out?"
"Sure but you have to let me finish my food first..."
"Okay I'll wait for you at the hotel lobby then. Text me when you're done eating alright?"
So after that, we go back to his place... watched a movie... and made out a little... which was fine by me. He's not a bad kisser.
Later in the night he drives me back to the hotel and as I reached out to open the car door, he gestures for me and gives me a look. So I reach over and kissed him on the cheek... and he holds my face with his hands and kisses me slightly on the lips and says "Good night sayang,"
And that is it.... do you see the pattern? The same old pattern I go through every single little relationship in the past few years. And you know what's the worst part? I come home and decide to do a little e-stalking and guess what I find out. He's engaged to his girlfriend of at least 3 years.
Good one babygirl... give yourself another pat on the back because ONCE again, you have failed to see all the signs.
Okay you know what, let's rephrase.
You did not fail to see all the signs, you FAILED to acknowledge the signs leading to the big hole in the ground because of your ignorance. You have no one to blame but yourself....
(p/s : I know I'm being a tad harsh on meself but then again, that's the way it goes for being such an optimist and so trusting....)
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