Chiam See No 7

"You who get this No 7 will be healthy and prosperous. Your family will be peaceful but it seems that you have some trouble at present. You can be better by giving alms to the poor. Do not be too anxious for wealth. Just like you grow trees near your house, some day these trees will yield you their fruits. Your luck in doing business is not so bad. Your properties or things previously loss will come to you again. You are quite lucky in love affairs. Any sickness in your family will recover. Your luck for other things is good."

I sure hope so....

Law of Attraction

I've heard about the Law of Attraction quite a bit. The puppy's a huge fan of it too - so much so that he's got a Wall of Desire where he pins up things that he wants so that by looking at them and reminding himself how much he wants to have them, he will attract them.

But what is the Law of Attraction?

The Law of Attraction claims to have roots in Quantum Physics, although this is dismissed by the scientific community as pseudoscience. According to proponents of this law, thoughts have an energy which attracts whatever it is the person is thinking of. In order to control this energy to one's advantage, proponents state that people must practice four things:

1. Know exactly what you want.
2. Ask the universe for it.
3. Feel, behave and know as if the object of your desire is already yours (visualize).
4. Be open to receive it and let go of (the attachment to) the outcome.

Thinking of what one does not have, they say, manifests itself in not having, while if one abides by these principles, and avoids "negative" thoughts, the universe will manifest a person's desires.

It makes me wonder now, if it’s true. As it said, thoughts have an energy to attract whatever that person is thinking of – so that means what I’ve wanted for years, might have already come true seeing that I’m attracting them over.

But there have been a few things that I have been obsessed with over the past few years. This is one of the major obsessions that I’ve been obsessed with. Deeply influenced by a drama series – Kamisama, mou sukoshi dake, I was in love with the lead male character Ishikawa Keigo, a composer.

He had the passion for music and fuelled by dark gloomy past, writes best when emotions kick in hard. He was intense and insanely creative as well as randomly unpredictable but yet an utterly sensitive soul. He had a chiselled facial bone structure with the occasional scruffy messy look (especially when creativity jumps on him) and dark features (thick brows and a mane of hair with that blonde tinge on his bangs).

Kanou Masaki + Ishikawa Keigo

Of course having that character played by Kaneshiro Takeshi helped the influence even more.

It was a Pretty Woman-ish kind of show. Very fairytale. Young eager, number 1 fan meets celebrity composer and they both fall in love and beat all odds.

The more I watched the show, the more I wanted someone like Keigo. The more I believed that I would meet someone like him and fall madly in love. The more I longed for a romance and a relationship with Keigo.

So let’s see if any of these fit into the four things that I’m supposed to practise if I want to attract Keigo to me...

1. Know exactly what you want

To tell you the truth, I don’t think I know exactly what I want – well at least not on a conscious level but from what you’ve read so far I’m sure you know that I want someone like him.

2. Ask the universe for it

How do you even start? It’s like asking God for a favor and let’s face it, omnipresent as he is, he’s got like a million of people asking him for things, wanting an Ishikawa Keigo will definitely not be on the top of his list, let alone the universe. Who am I to ask the universe for something like that?

Besides, how do you address the universe as an entity/one?

3. Feel and behave as know as if the object of your desire is already yours (visualize)

Trust me. I have done that a gajillion times. I don’t need to go into details here.

4. Be open to receive and let go of (the attachment to) the outcome.

This part I don’t really get. Of course I’d be open to receive what I’ve been dreaming of. It’s the whole letting go the attachment to the outcome which I don’t get.

Anyhoo, I am beginning to think that maybe this Law of Attraction really works on a subconscious level. It doesn’t have to be on a tangible physical level like on a “Wall of Desire” kinda thing but just on a psychological level – just in your head and your heart.

Having being obsessed about wanting to be with Ishikawa Keigo for years, I think I might have found mine.

The more I think about it the more I have been bothered by the thought that the puppy IS my Ishikawa Keigo.

He’s a music composer and an aspiring producer. He is very much fuelled by his passion and seriously writes the best stuff when he’s depressed (which explains Rebirth and Teardrops). He’s got his mood swings and can get very sensitive like every other artist. He’s randomly unpredictable as hell. He’s got his messy scruffy look most of the time since he’s working most of the time. He’s got a nice thick mane (makes me jealous) and since we’ve been together, he’s gotten a tinge of blonde bleached onto his bangs.

It’s weird isn’t it... that they’re quite similar and yet I had nothing to do with it physically.

Did I really attract him to me by wanting someone like that so badly then?

p/s : I’m just saying they look similar. Please do not tell me “Oh my god they don’t even look alike at all!!! How can do you say this!” or something similar to that effect.

Which also reminds me... this looks like a chubby version of my puppy :P

Was it a dream?

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill.

"You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears.

"Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true," - Meredith Grey

Much as I don't like to - I'm having some doubts these days. I think back on my days with Andy and I wonder if cutting him off from my life completely was really such a mistake.

Thanks to the puppy with his stupid song note the sarcasm here.

Part of me wants him to finish up the song because this is his break. This song will be his break. But the inspiration behind the song - fucking annoys the life out of me.

Literally.

Now that he's getting to the lyrics, it's dawning on to me - reflections of my life. I know this song is autobiographical about a period of his life about him and his ex girlfriend and the way the lyrics are going makes me think back about my own past wrecked relationship.

We were happy. We were committed. What went wrong? All I have left now are shreds - not of hope but of despair, disappointment and knowing that there's no turning back.

A few weeks ago he got back in touch with me "I want to be with you again, will you let me? I want you to be the mother of my children,"

My heart wanted to run halfway across the world to be in his arms again and scream out 'Yes' from the top of my lungs. My head held me and my heart back - I really cannot do it all over again. Especially not with Andy. Especially not all that heartbreak.

Should I have stayed on?

Is he the one but I let go?

Are we a real life version of Ross & Rachel - that we have to go through a lot in life to only realize we're actually meant for each other?

Did I do the right thing?

Did I throw my dream away?

Has my fairytale really ended?

Was it a dream?

But either way, it was all exhausting. Loving him, hating him, living life with or without him. It's just plain exhausting and I don't know if I want to do it again.

30 Seconds to Mars - Was It A Dream?

Your defenses were on high
Your walls built deep inside
Yeah I'm a selfish bastard
But at least I'm not alone
My intentions never change
What I want still stays the same
And I know what I should do
it's time to set myself on fire
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Your reflection I've erased
Like a thousand burned out yesterdays
Believe me when I say goodbye forever
Is for good
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves
A photograph of you and I
(A photograph of you and I)
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?
Is this the only evidence that proves
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I
IN LOVE...

Fallin' for you

Colbie Caillat - Fallin' for you

I don't know but
I think I maybe
Fallin' for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting 'til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

As I'm standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It's just you and me

I'm trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hiding what I'm feeling
But I'm tired of
Holding this inside my head

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

Oh I just can't take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spinning out

I've been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don't know what to do
I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

I can't stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can't hide it
I think I'm fallin' for you [x2]

I'm fallin' for you

Ooohhh
Oh no no
Oooooohhh
Oh I'm fallin' for you

The difference between girls and grown women

Some things that I'm guilty of as a girl and as a grown woman...

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
GROWN WOMEN make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits in.

Girls want to control the man in their life.
GROWN WOMEN know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls hold grudges, stay mad for 40 years, and don't get mad but get even
GROWN WOMEN confront the situation and don't get mad but get ahead

Girls envy those who move ahead and hate the players
GROWN WOMEN share their knowledge and help others move ahead by not hating the players but teaching the rules to the game.

Girls try to put a man 'on lock' by using sex.
GROWN WOMEN know that it's the sex of the mental kind that makes a man want to 'Lock' you down.

Girls fake-moan, lay there and take the stabbing.
GROWN WOMEN say, "Just stop", get up, get dressed and walk it out.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
GROWN WOMEN revel in it--using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
GROWN WOMEN ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you cum.
GROWN WOMEN make you come home.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
GROWN WOMEN know that they are pretty and/or good enough for ANY man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e. don't want him hanging with his friends).
GROWN WOMEN realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special and goes to kick it with her own friends!

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
GROWN WOMEN offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
GROWN WOMEN show him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his manhood.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
GROWN WOMEN know that, that was just ONE man.

Girls fall in love, chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all the signs.
GROWN WOMEN know that sometimes the one you love doesn't always love you back and MOVE ON without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
GROWN WOMEN will read this and pass it on to other grown women

Wake up, sweetheart

There's a scene in The Devil Wears Prada that I can really relate to for work. It's right before Andy is transformed into the supervixen that no one knew was in her.

That movie reminds me of my first job very very much. Work was fine, but the environment was utterly horrid. And yes it was in a magazine as well. But after hearing what Nigel said to her, I realized that he was right. Whatever happens, our bosses are just doing their job.

Being the leaders that they are, it's not easy so you can forgive them for being always on the edge - they're ALWAYS answerable to the authorities. But for us, it's easier, we've got them as buffers to the authorities/big shots/bosses/et cetera.

Andy Sachs: She hates me, Nigel.

Nigel: And that's my problem because... Oh, wait. No, it's not my problem.

Andy Sachs: I don't know what else I can do because if I do something right, it's unacknowledged. She doesn't even say thank you. But if I do something wrong, she is vicious.

Nigel: So quit.

Andy Sachs: What?

Nigel: Quit.

Andy Sachs: Quit?

Nigel: I can get another girl to take your job in five minutes... one who really wants it.

Andy Sachs: No, I don't want to quit. That's not fair. But, I, you know, I'm just saying that I would just like a little credit... for the fact that I'm killing myself trying.

Nigel: Andy, be serious. You are not trying. You are whining. What is it that you want me to say to you, huh? Do you want me to say, "Poor you. Miranda's picking on you. Poor you. Poor Andy"? Hmm? Wake up, six. She's just doing her job.

Don't you know that you are working at the place that published some of the greatest artists of the century? Halston, Lagerfeld, de la Renta. And what they did, what they created was greater than art because you live your life in it. Well, not you, obviously, but some people.

You think this is just a magazine, hmm? This is not just a magazine. This is a shining beacon of hope for... oh, I don't know... let's say a young boy growing up in Rhode Island with six brothers pretending to go to soccer practice when he was really going to sewing class and reading Runway under the covers at night with a flashlight. You have no idea how many legends have walked these halls. And what's worse, you don't care. Because this place, where so many people would die to work you only deign to work.

And you want to know why she doesn't kiss you on the forehead and give you a gold star on your homework at the end of the day. Wake up, sweetheart.