Over and Over Again

I heard this song when I was in the car with Colin the other day... I've heard the song before but never knew that Nelly had collaborated with Tim McGraw on this one. I liked the melody and the feel of the song. But when I listened to the lyrics... it pulled a string in my heart.

It reminds me of Andy and when I first realized that he had something with this other woman - Emily in Sept 06, and then later another woman - Fukuko, sometime after his birthday in 07. But I kept quiet the whole time.

Mulled in my own depression and frustration. Cried till there were no more tears.

I didn't want to make a fuss. I never want to make a fuss. I don't know why. Partly because I don't want to sound like the deranged emotional woman I can be. Partly because in a way, I believe that if he doesn't realize what he did was wrong, he's not that all worth it. I give up very easily.

That's why when I'm in a relationship, I don't kick up a fuss. I sit. Think. Mull. Then I let it go.

I remember during his birthday in 07, he told me that there’s nothing we can’t overcome. We can do it. We’ll fight the odds. We’ve done it so many years, we can continue to do it.

We called it quits in Sept 07. Actually, he called it quits on me.

Then when we decided to call it quits, I knew he had something on with her but he kept denying it every time I asked him about it. Didn't mention her name though. Fine, I thought. Maybe he wanted to tell me but he just didn't know how to break it to me. Whatever. I don't care now. I know, because I don't know how to break it to him that I've moved on and I'm in a committed relationship now.

He knows, I'm pretty sure he knows, your gut instincts are always right. I’m just denying it.

But at that time... I kept picturing him with her, over and over again and it got so bad to a point that I could barely function.

I dreamt of him few nights ago. He had come to pick me up and we were talking in the car and he held my hand and held it to his chest and assured me that everything will be fine. I woke up almost instantly and I wanted to cry.

It breaks my heart, why didn't he want to really make it work in the first place, and now that I'm moving on, he's telling me things I wanted to hear months ago... and it makes me wonder why we spent so much time arguing about so many things where we could be working on our relationship and making it work.

I hate it that when I was fighting hard to keep us alive, he took me for granted. Now that it's over and I've moved on, he wants to fight. His fight, subtle as it is, is haunting me. I hate it when my past creeps up on me and taps me on the shoulder because it makes me wonder 'what if' and I had learnt from a very young age - "There is no such thing as what if,"

I think in one way, Andy's last visit was closure for me. The last chapter of that book.

I have moved on since, and I know I'm not lying to myself when I say this.

Because everyday I wake up and he's the first person that pops into my mind. He's the only one I want to be with. He's the one I want to share a bed with. He's the one I want to spoil.

He's the one I love <3

Nelly feat Tim McGraw - Over and Over Again
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it's all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo

I can't wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it's a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things

Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh

But I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I can't go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can't take it yeah I can't shake it
Nooo

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
And this choice I made keep playing in my head

Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh

I think she's leaving
Ooh man she's leaving
I don't know what else to do
(I can't go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo

(Now that I've realizes that I'm going down
From all this pain you've put me through
Everytime I close my eyes I lock it down
I can't go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can't keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can't take it I can't shake it
Nooo

Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it's all in my head