For those who have been reading... you would've noticed that I've got this huge issue about insecurity - especially when it comes to the pup and a particular bitch.
This is a confession that I'm not entirely proud of and I will insist that I did it out of necessity.
When we first started our relationship, things were going perfect. I was still in Ipoh and he was studying in PJ. He'd come back EVERY chance he could - even if it was a weekday just to hang out. We would webcam almost 24/7 - except when I was at work or he was in class. Then one day that particular bitch came into our lives.
Since then, I had never been able to trust him fully.
Even today.
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1. Call him to see where he is
Nah, I don't do that. Partly because the pup is a bit of a loner sometimes and seeing that we're both from the same group of friends, we pretty much hangout with the same crowd (unless if I'm having a girly night out). Although there was a time where I had this thing installed on our cell phones so that I could see where he was. It really did come in handy.
2. Keeping tabs
Not the best thing to really be doing, I'll tell you. But I've managed to keep tabs on what he does - I'm not going to tell you what it is but Xiaxue mentioned it a few times. And with him not knowing that I was actually keeping tabs was helpful because I could help prevent shit from happening.
Believe me, this has happened twice okay. And I can't begin to tell you how heart-breaking and distressing it is to know that someone you thought wouldn't break your heart - and he does it. And it wasn't even accidental.
3. Fresh bait
Yeah I'm pretty sure he won't go for fresh bait. This is because, from past experience, he goes for ex-gfs/flings. Why? I guess because it's easier - there's no need for a courtship and the whole get to know each other. You can just hop into bed.
So yes, I'm not worried about new people that he meets. Just his history - that's all.
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In a way I'm not too worried because the pup and I are so connected - I can feel when shit is going to hit the ceiling - so I can always do something to stop it.
So no, even with all that we've been through, I still don't and won't trust him fully because it's true - trust has to be earned over time and unfortunately he knowingly broke it hoping I wouldn't find out.
It's strange isn't it... with all these stuff that's going on I somehow know that it's worth fighting for... :)
Yes I know I'm weird
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