I'm looking for a way to vent out my frustrations and to learn forgiveness and somehow it seems to be channeling through my dreams.
I had two nightmares last night and couldn't figure out why or how to deal with it. My dreams... when they are vivid and jolt me out of bed feeling exactly the same way I was feeling in the dreams usually means something. No I'm not just saying it just to sound deep and what not. But I'm saying it because it has always been that way. So much so that I have learnt to decipher my dreams to understand my inner demons.
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Nightmare #1
He was supposed to tell her to fuck off and kick her out of our lives, as promised. But instead, there was a mile long explanation... 457 lines long of Gtalk IM explaining to her why. Why the fuck would he need to explain to her why. She knows. She knows I dislike her in our lives. She knows I don't want her in our lives. She knows I am this close to enforcing a warrant that she cannot come NEAR us at all and yet she's spiteful. She wants to make me feel some pain. She wants to win.
I asked him about it and he blew up. Like he had something to hide. He screamed and scolded me in the dream. He accused me of being distrustful and not holding on to what we said we would do. I screamed back pot calling the kettle black.
I woke up in a shock. Heart pounding. Scared. Not wanting to go back to sleep in case my dream continues. I finally fell asleep after a bit because of exhaustion.
Nightmare #2
Somehow we were in another house which was our home and someone was giving up a pup for adoption. He was bloody eager to adopt the pup. I was neither here nor there. I didn't want to because I knew we didn't have the time or the space for a dog in our apartment. He was adamant. So I gave in.
Somehow or rather along the line, the puppy adoption comes with a kid. Little 3-4 year old Malay boy - Aiman. He was even more eager to adopt the child together. I told him we cannot handle it because we're both not mature enough. We don't have the financial or the physical capability to take care of the two girls, a puppy and an adopted son. He insisted. So I gave in as usual. I always give in to him because I want him to be happy. So I started to bond with the child. Then I realized he was missing. Aiman asked where was he. So I decided to look for him.
I searched high and low around the house and reached outside our room door. It was closed. I knocked. I heard him say "Baby don't come in! Don't come in!" but I went in anyways. He was there making out with someone and when I screamed bloody murder again. He screamed back. Calling me distrustful again. We had a big fight and he wanted out.
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How can I even begin to let go and trust you back after how you have hurt me? How can I honor our promise to each other when you have not?
I'm very sure he hasn't told her to fuck off yet. There will be hell to pay soon.
I had two nightmares last night and couldn't figure out why or how to deal with it. My dreams... when they are vivid and jolt me out of bed feeling exactly the same way I was feeling in the dreams usually means something. No I'm not just saying it just to sound deep and what not. But I'm saying it because it has always been that way. So much so that I have learnt to decipher my dreams to understand my inner demons.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nightmare #1
He was supposed to tell her to fuck off and kick her out of our lives, as promised. But instead, there was a mile long explanation... 457 lines long of Gtalk IM explaining to her why. Why the fuck would he need to explain to her why. She knows. She knows I dislike her in our lives. She knows I don't want her in our lives. She knows I am this close to enforcing a warrant that she cannot come NEAR us at all and yet she's spiteful. She wants to make me feel some pain. She wants to win.
I asked him about it and he blew up. Like he had something to hide. He screamed and scolded me in the dream. He accused me of being distrustful and not holding on to what we said we would do. I screamed back pot calling the kettle black.
I woke up in a shock. Heart pounding. Scared. Not wanting to go back to sleep in case my dream continues. I finally fell asleep after a bit because of exhaustion.
Nightmare #2
Somehow we were in another house which was our home and someone was giving up a pup for adoption. He was bloody eager to adopt the pup. I was neither here nor there. I didn't want to because I knew we didn't have the time or the space for a dog in our apartment. He was adamant. So I gave in.
Somehow or rather along the line, the puppy adoption comes with a kid. Little 3-4 year old Malay boy - Aiman. He was even more eager to adopt the child together. I told him we cannot handle it because we're both not mature enough. We don't have the financial or the physical capability to take care of the two girls, a puppy and an adopted son. He insisted. So I gave in as usual. I always give in to him because I want him to be happy. So I started to bond with the child. Then I realized he was missing. Aiman asked where was he. So I decided to look for him.
I searched high and low around the house and reached outside our room door. It was closed. I knocked. I heard him say "Baby don't come in! Don't come in!" but I went in anyways. He was there making out with someone and when I screamed bloody murder again. He screamed back. Calling me distrustful again. We had a big fight and he wanted out.
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How can I even begin to let go and trust you back after how you have hurt me? How can I honor our promise to each other when you have not?
I'm very sure he hasn't told her to fuck off yet. There will be hell to pay soon.
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