Keeping it sane...

I finally understand the need for a routined life. Prior to this I used to wonder - why do we live like ants. Wake up, get dressed, go to work, come home, unwind, sleep and repeat it all over again the next day. Is it the familiarity of a routine that gives us some sense of security? Is it the that we fear society pressure? Is it the mundaness that makes the other things in life seem more interesting?

I never understood it. But gave in to it anyways. Better to go with the flow. It's not something I want to waste my energy and focus on battling the flow. Why not. Besides, it's not like it makes my life miserable.

This morning my mother called up with sad news. My dog - Benji had passed on in his sleep. He was not feeling too well earlier for the past week. Battling an infection, he had thrown up whatever he ate. As a result, he was reduced to a frail old dog. Dr Gilbert had told us that he may not make it (considering that he's already 14 human years) because of his age and that we should be prepared. Day by day mom slowly nursed him, encouraged him and coddled him, but he refused to eat.

She had called up the clinic and told Dr Gilbert what happened. He said he'll send someone over at about 9-ish.

I feel quite distraught and relieved at the same time. I'm glad that he doesn't have to suffer any more. I'm glad that he's finally at peace. I'm glad that he doesn't feel any more pain. But at the same time I miss my little brown dog so much. I've had him since I was 12.

I cried uncontrollably. Colin cradled and hushed me after I got off the phone with mom. Then my alarm rang. I just got out of bed and did my morning routine with tears creeping down my cheeks.

As I took off for work, I kissed Colin on the forehead and said as usual, "Hun, I'm going to work now..." he opened his eyes and stared at me. "Bun, are you okay?" I nodded and turned towards the door. He sat up in bed instantly, looking at me, "Bun... are you sure you're alright?" I turned my face towards him but my eyes were on the ground. "Yeah, I'm fine..." and I walked out.

I walked down to the carpark, got into my car and drove to work. As I was driving, that was when I realized, why we need routines. To keep us sane. Because we like a sense of control and being controlled. If I had no routine, I'd be a mess right now. My routine is keeping me sane. Keeping me from remembering. Keeping me from reliving memories. Keeping me in my skin. Keeping me from crying uncontrollably. Keeping me from driving all the way back home and burying my Benji Boy.

I'm fine for now. I have my routine to occupy my mind. I have work. I have other responsibilities because of society's pressure. Now that I have not much time to myself, I'm fine. I can keep things under control.

But later when I get home and I will have no routine... that's when I will break down. I'm anticipating it. In a way, I can't wait. I feel the pent up sadness waiting to come out. I feel the need to mourn for my Benji boy...

Mom just texted me. Dr Gilbert came personally to pick Benji boy up this morning at 9-ish. Bo was pissed and kept growling at him for 'taking' Benji away. Poor thing. I don't think she understands.

Benji - I love you boy :) You're the best dog anyone could ever have. Handsome, patient, giving and loving. Above all, you were the prince of my heart.

Rest Ben-ben... rest... good boy *pat*

Benjamin

1994 - 2009

That's me and Benji boy about 3 years back"Another picture???""Come mom... let me help you with gardening!"

my strong man :)

Puppy's been having a bit of car trouble lately... nothing seems to go right... and one morning we discover that the rear right tyre was completely flat...



So we had to change the tyre... well HE had to change the tyre. I just made myself helpful whenever possible.

And I learnt that you can't just screw the tyre back in... because there's a way to do it to stabilize it

Eeee my puppy's so smart :)

Chiam See No 2

"Any one who gets this Chiam See is just like the moon when it shines. You are now the same as half a dead tree when it receives some dew and fresh air, it recovers its strength turning to perfect condition as it was before and having fruits and leaves as usual, like old mirrr which should be regularly polished otherwise it will not shine. What you are going to do should be consulted before it is done. Your luck for other things with the exception of love is good."

Not entirely a bad one but not entirely a good one either. Oh well... at least it's not all bad. All I need is a push and encouragement to reaffirm what I can do... :)

Review : New Year's Resolutions

One of my previous posts about New Years Resolutions.... I should've known better than to actually come up with a list.

It's been four months since I've made my list. Here's a review of my resolutions in RED

a) not to over eat
I have been over eating these last few weeks of 2008 and I really need to stop stuffing myself!

Well, not that I completely stopped stuffing myself, there is the occasional stuffing myself silly with food... but it's not AS often........... *shuffles feet around*

b) exercise
Make full use of the condo's swimming pool facilities. May it be half an hour or just 10 laps a day... it's still exercise.

This is non-existent. This will sound like an excuse, I know but it is partly because

a) I was quite busy during the first two months

b) I fell down and hurt my left leg in March so I didn't want to be swimming with open wounds/scabs

Will try to make it happen sometime this month....

c) less choccies
Had a eeeky dream last night that I had a massive pimple break out... I'm actually terrified!

This has happened. I've stopped snacking on choccies and sweets and what not AND have been drinking as much warm water (to cleanse my body) as possible. So far so good.

d) curb the green-eyed monster
This is still.... in the process......... but not to worry, green-eyed monster is on a leash. Let's just hope that the leash is strong enough :) But I'm quite sure that it is now.....

Oh well... 1 1/2 out of 4 isn't the best... but it's still better than nothing!

Happiness

Got this in an email from mom today... kinda like the simpleness of truth in it :)

One day, the young lion asked his mom: "Mom, where is the happiness?"

Mom replied: "It's on your tail."

So the young lion keeps on chasing after his tail. But after a whole day of trying, he failed to get the happiness that was on his tail.

Then he told his mom about this, his mom smiled and said: "Son, you don't really need to chase after your happiness, as long as you keep going and moving forward, your happiness will always be with you."

You can't decide the length of life, but you can control how you want to live it.

You can't control the weather, but you can control your mood.

You can't change your look, but you can smile.

You can't control others, but you can control yourself.

You can't foresee tomorrow, but you can utilize today wisely.

You can't win everything, but you can try your very best to achieve that.

Six Months

Time does fly when you're having fun. Yes I know some of my previous posts were pretty negative but then with ups of course there are downs. I guess I just have to learn to deal and make the best out of it.

Today is six months we've been together. I'm counting my blessings. He is indeed a wonderful person and the most giving I've known.

This is us when we first got together... in September 2008

And this is us recently... in March 2009

I love you... you're worth every bit of it... <3

English?

The debate on whether Science and Mathematics should be taught in English has been at the tips of every one's tongues, yet again. After having implementing this system for about 10 years already, the debate is still going on.

Why?

Because they're afraid of losing out. They're afraid that they will lose their culture. Lose their language. Lose their roots. Lose who they really are.

Being Asian, I truly understand the concern. I too believe that you should be true to your roots. Most people would call me a 'banana' - yellow on the outside, white on the inside. That is partially true. But I beg to differ. I grew up speaking English as my first language because my parents didn't speak the same Asian language or dialect. Unlike most others, I speak Mandarin, English, Japanese, Malay and several local dialects fluently.

But what I don't understand is if you want to retain Bahasa Melayu as a proper language, bloody use it as a proper language.

Pick up any Malay newspaper these days and you will notice how many words they borrow from the English language. Countless.

Unfortunately, the Malay language will look sooner or later look like misspelt English.

Realism becomes Realisme. Definition becomes Definisi. Artist becomes Artis. Zoom becomes Zum. Guitarist becomes gitaris. Activity becomes aktiviti. Dance becomes Dansa. Gangsterism becomes Gangsterisme. Revolution becomes revolusi. You get my drift... and the embarrassing list goes on.

So if you're worried about losing out on a language because of these two subjects in school, you people are barking up the wrong tree. You should be more worried about building and preserving the language itself. You should be more worried for the originality of the words chosen for the language. You should be more worried about strengthening the language. You should be more proud of being a speaker of the language and not wanting to sound more foreign.

I'm proud to speak the Malay language. And I'm proud to say I speak it fluently too. Are you?

(Note : The Malay language is relatively a new language as compared to most languages in the world. A number of words were derived from olden languages like Sanskrit, Portuguese and Dutch - since Malaysia was once under their rule.)

Losing faith in faith?

My favorite line in life has always been "Have faith in faith, because faith has faith... in you," a line I always remember from the movie Senseless (1998). I always felt that it was true.

Who are we to give up on faith because faith always has faith in us, whether we see it or not. It's like claiming that we don't believe in God or a higher existence for this matter. Who are we to proclaim that God doesn't exist? Just because we can't see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Much as the atheists want to deny that they don't believe in God, I'm sure they know deep down inside that there is one... just that there's not much proof... and given no proof, the lawyer in them say that they don't believe.

Somehow or rather, I'm beginning to lose faith in men. Don't get me wrong. I love him. I care for him a lot more than I think that I do. But I just don't have faith in men any more. I'm very cautious and suspicious about every single thing they do. I'm even skeptical about the whole relationship thing. In one of my earlier posts, I found one of the notes posted about men quite true. Men are intensely loyal, but will stray because of sheer stupidity. Sad to say, I believe in that. I hate to say this, but guys can be the most loyal people in the world, but it only takes a little bit of temptation... and that's it. I'm not saying women aren't any better, but I feel that the damage that men do in this case are WAY worse than the damage women do...

Why? I've seen it happen one too many times to people around me and people that I love and people that I never thought would do such emotionally damaging actions. And it's happened to me. With someone whom I trusted, loved and cared. Someone whom I thought would never hurt me. People say, it's the people closest to you which will hurt you the most - I think that's true. It's because of the emotional ties that bind.

I'm not saying that he's hurting me or that he's a bad person but in a way, he has failed to fully give me that sense of security that I need.

I know that he loves and cares for me. But there's this gut feeling that I have which is telling me to be careful because he is indeed one of a kind. He will do things that normally other people will not do... as you might have read in an earlier post that he had shared a bed with another girl (an ex-girlfriend from his college years to be specific) while he was with me. To him, he had done nothing wrong because they're just friends. To me and quite a bit of the world, it was an outrage. Common sense tells you to NOT be in single company with someone of the opposite sex without your other half and especially NOT in a confined/private area and especially not to share a bed.

In our first month of the relationship, I had complete trust. But it was that incident that spurred the green eyed monster in me. Because of that action which I felt was disrespectful to me as a girlfriend, I had begun to suspect and doubt him when it comes to someone of the opposite sex and especially your ex girlfriends.

He has this good quality about him though. He doesn't keep it in himself for long. He forgives and forgets. That's why he's still in touch AND on good terms with all his ex girlfriends. How he does it? I don't know. He's a much bigger person than I am because I know I cannot do it, not without any emotional ties.

We've never really spoken of our past. Well, he's mentioned her once in a while, I've never mentioned Andy - at all. I don't expect him to, because what's in the past is in the past. Whatever happened back then has helped us shape us into the person that we are now and the person that we fell in love with. Plus I don't want to open a can of worms. But somehow, at the back of my head, I think it's important that we do. So that we understand the other person better. So that we will be able to trust the other person better.

Recently I've noticed this gut feeling which tells me he's back in touch with her. Because this is probably the time that he's forgiving her for the stuff that she's done to him and to let her back into her life... and I hate gut feelings. Because 10 out of 10 times you know your gut is right no matter how much you want to deny it, and the more you deny it, the harder it hits you where it hurts most.

And I hate it. I hate being jealous. I hate feeling hate. It's such a horrid feeling.

He wrote the song "Teardrops" last year in November near his birthday. When he first wrote it, he told me it's about two robots communicating and that one's a guy robot and the other's a girl robot. We were short of two months in our relationship then. I thought it was too soon for him to be writing a song about us. Then later when he was done, he named the song "Teardrops" which then hit something in my gut - I was right, it's not about us.

Two weeks ago, he told me that the original inspiration for Teardrops was a broken heart. That hit another string in my gut. Later, he told me he wanted vocals for the song and started to brainstorm for lyrics and asked me for help. That's when it became disheartening. Because he is a very emotional person. He does things based on emotions. That's how he expresses himself and Teardrops is a good example. Part of his lyrics are "I thought our love was true.... these tears I cry for you,"

I am emotional too... sometimes I think he fails to see that...

Maybe the song is a push for him to move on. Maybe he needs to get it off his chest. Maybe this is a way for him to get closure and let go.

Maybe he still misses her.

After all, he did buy a ring to propose to her even when he wasn't entirely ready to marry her but he didn't want to lose her. He thought of converting and even thought of a name for himself... and his kids names. Unfortunately for him, when he did try to propose to her, he found out that she was cheating on him - with her superior.

I know he wants to stop hating her. I know he wants to forgive her. He's tried prior to this but she wanted to hurt him. But I don't trust other women. Especially not when they're my boyfriend's ex girlfriend, and I'm sorry hun, I don't trust you around her because I don't trust her around you. She knows which buttons to push to get to you and I don't like it.

I hate to say this, I don't even trust myself around my ex boyfriends. Who am I to say that I won't cheat on you with an ex, let alone you cheat on me with an ex?

That is why I distance myself from them. That is why I distance myself from Andy completely. I do that out of respect for him as my boyfriend. I've had my heart broken by him before, and I know how much it hurts, and I don't want to inflict that pain on anyone I love and care about... and especially not my puppy. So in my case, it's better safe than sorry.

I'm sorry. But I just cannot trust myself completely to trust you when it comes to her mainly because I do not trust her at all. There probably isn't much you can do about it except to distance yourself from all of them and I know it's not fair for me to impose that on you but that is what I feel.

If you want to run back to her, give me a heads up. Because we both know how bad a broken heart can be especially one that sprouts from no trust.

It could be my paranoia. I have lost so many people in my life and I don't like for it to happen again. I know it's impossible to not have it happen because whether we like it or not, we still lose people in life. So right now what I'm doing is prevention. Because a broken heart is very hard to cure... and we both know it....

I know that we Pisceans and Scorpions flow the best together. But are we lying to ourselves? We both jumped into this relationship after having our hearts broken. Were we taking each other as a rebound so fill up the void in our lives? Or did fate and faith place us together for real?

My only love sprung from my only hate,

Too early seen unknown and known too late

Prodigious birth of love it is to me,

that I must love a loathed enemy.

- Romeo and Juliet, William Shakespeare

You're not a loathed enemy, hun. I did not start off hating you, but I have to admit that I was very skeptical. What Shakespeare said in Romeo and Juliet is true though. You only feel love and hate strongly because of the other. If not, you won't give a rats ass about the other person. There's a fine line between love and hate and they only exist because the other does. I only feel this much emotions because I care about you so much that it hurts.

We've lasted 5 months and 3 weeks. Time does fly and in this time I have learnt to love and care for you more than I thought I could or ever would. Time, love and patience has made you grow on me and me on you.

So please. Spare me the pain. If you love and care for me, don't make me cry any more... please help me clear this unnecessary negative feelings I am experiencing...

Some things to remember

I'm just randomly listing down some stuff about the puppy and the bunny... JUST in case I forget or something like that... you know, dates... facts... that sorta thing...

Dates
Aug 23, 2008 - He added me on FB
Sept 6, 2008 - The day we met
Sept 28, 2008 - He told me "I love you," and we decided that it would be our anniversary date
Nov 9, 2008 - The day that I said "I love you," back. I didn't say it earlier because I didn't want to say it just because he said it. I wanted to say it and mean in from the heart.
Jan 3, 2009 - We moved in together
Apr 16, 2009 - Our 200th day together

Facts

We have 5 plushie kids to date - Fluffy, Hunny Bunny, Melody, Dudley and Pikabu. (Pikabu is the only one which is ours. The rest were before we met each other but we've adopted them all into the family.)

We have two furkids - Bit and Byte. But Bit died, so we got another baby girl - Ariel

Our official names are Bunny and Puppy

I think our song is Sempurna - Andra and the Backbone or Pachebel - Canon in D or Foo Fighters - Walking After You

We're both Sesame Street fans.

We're both water dogs according to the chinese calendar

We're both born under the water sign in the zodiac - Pisces and Scorpio (and is supposedly a celestial bond in astrological terms - read my earlier blog)

We both love lamb!

Dogs are male and cats are female

rRead this article in the papers this morning and I found it rather amusing... and surprisingly accurate. Somehow on the other hand... I think I'm still a bunny. Bunnies have attitudes which are kinda like felines... and let's face it, we ALL know I'm a bunny person :)

Dogs are male, cats are female

By Nury Vittachi

Here's more proof that children are highly insightful creatures. I gave a speech at a primary school yesterday and asked if there were any questions.

"Are all dogs boys?" a small, sticky child asked.

"Yes," I replied. "All dogs are male. Including girl dogs."

The child looked smug. Clearly he had been arguing this point with someone. I went on to explain that all cats were girls, including male cats.

I could see that the teacher was looking puzzled. So explained what I meant with a story.

*
In the beginning, Adam and Eve felt lonely.

So God told his angels to make them a creature for them. "Make it medium-sized, with four legs and a tail," God said. "You can call it a Pet."

The angels made the first pair of pets. They were cute but they were also very playful. They ran around heaven, hid under the sofas and scratched the furniture. Then they saw what looked like a pair of paddling pools. One jumped into the blue one and the other jumped into the red one.

But they were not paddling pools. They were vats of Male Essence and Female Essence.

After the angels fished them out, they noticed the Pets had changed.

One had become shaggy-haired, simple-minded and deep-voiced.

And the other had become sleek and complicated and whiney.

"Oops," said the angel. "We'd better classify these as two separate creatures."

They called one Dog and the other Cat.

*
This made perfect sense to the children. But later on, in the staff room, I had to explain what I meant to the teacher.

*

Proof that all dogs are male:

1. Dogs, like men, are completely predictable.

2. They are supremely interested in your nether regions and pathetically unable to hide this fact.

3. They don't respond when you shout in their ear, but they can hear the sound of a packet containing something consumable being opened a kilometer away.

4. If you once let them hog your sofa, they will feel like they own it.

5. They eat anything. Their basic philosophy is put stuff in their mouths first, ask questions later.

6. They are intensely loyal but sometimes stray through sheer stupidity.

7. When they are not happy, they don’t say anything, but sulk and growl and knock things over.

8. They emit large amounts of gas from both ends.

9. They often consume ill-advised items until they are sick, give you a sad "never again" look, and then do the same thing again the next day.

*
Proof that all cats are female:

1. They are completely unpredictable.

2. They expect to be worshipped all the time.

3. They look cute but are surprisingly tough-minded creatures who make all the decisions.

4. You can call them, but you never know if they will actually turn up.

5. They leave bits of their hair all over the place.

6. They completely ignore you when you come home.

7. They take the stance that you exist solely to ensure their happiness.

*
The teacher listened patiently, and then a rather guilty look appeared on her face. She pulled two sandwiches out of her bag. "I chose your lunch for you in advance," she said. "After all, women make the decisions, and men eat anything, right? Meow."

What could I reply? "Woof."

Who am I most compatible with you say?

Saw a couple of friends taking this quiz... curiosity got the best out of me... so I decided to do it too...

My results :

Your Result

So a Scorpio seems to fit you. They are mysterious, and love to be in charge. However, they tend to be complicated and mask their emotions. You never know what they are thinking.

Hmm... I have to agree to a certain extent on this. I'm a Pisces and both me and Scorpios are water signs hence the fact that we can "flow" together easily.

I've read in many astrological reports on how a Pisces and a Scorpio is a celestial bond and will definitely work... one report even said that this will be a match made in heaven which will give you a warm fuzzy feeling.

This could be love at first sight. Many relationships and marriages take place when these two fall in love. Both will remain loyal, committed and be highly understanding of each other. This could be the one you have been waiting for, Pisces! Pisces and Scorpio are very mesmerizing water signs and capable of captivating each other.

So guess what ? Puppy's a Scorpio ;) *eeee*

I carry your heart with me :)

This is a gorgeous poem by E.E. Cummings :

I carry your heart with me

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
And whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
Here is the root of the root
And the bud of the bud
And the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
Which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart

My new scar....

So yesterday, I had this urge to go shoe shopping. And no, it wasn't one of those impulsive shoe shopping sprees. I had this feeling that I needed new shoes for some reason.

So when we got home... he started fiddling with Reason again... equalizing Teardrops (again).

The clock struck 1900hrs. I pondered whether or not to disrupt his train of inspiration for work. I looked over my shoulder to see what he was up to. Full on concentration. Hmm. Shoe shopping can wait.

The clock struck 2000hrs. I was getting a bit hungry. I still had the urge to go shoe shopping. He was still equalizing. I hear a thunderstorm brewing...

2030hrs. He realized that it was past 8 and we hadn't eaten. "Hun come let's go eat..." the moment he said that, the rainstorm swept our entire area with pelting rain and thunder. "Umm I don't think we can leave the house..." I told him. So let's wait till the rain stops.

The rain started to cease at about 2200hrs. We decided to go out anyways. On the way to the elevator I told him that I want to buy new shoes. Then I showed him the slippers I had on. The grip on the soles were pretty much gone. We laughed about how good it was to slide in them.

Dinner went on fine. Then I remembered that I needed to go to the ATM, so on our way back, we stopped by the ATM near our condo. Now this is a bank's building by itself in a business area so there were no parking spots nearby. He pulled over at the curb and said "Be careful. I'll keep a lookout for you ok? Go slow,"

I nodded and went off. I was feeling rather skittish. Skip skip skip all the way to the machine. Press press press got me money out. On the way back to the car, I decided not to skip because my slippers had no grip, it had just rained and there was a small slope towards the main road.

I walked.

I slipped.

I fell. I didn't even realize I fell until I looked at him. He had shot out of the car and was running towards me. I got up and thought I was fine. He held on to me and asked if I'm alright. I told him that I just fell on my ass.

He opened the car door for me and that's when we saw how bad it was. Blood started to ooze out from my knee and my foot then it started to smart.

We rushed home and when we reached, I turned on the light to see how I could wear my slippers. It was impossible.
Long story cut short. We cleaned the wounds and dressed it. I cried my eyes out because it hurt so bloody bad.
I felt incredibly grateful that he was around and he is incredibly wonderful. I wouldn't know what to do without him. He sat with me in the bathroom thru all the tears and blood comforting me and soothing me. I love you sweetie... :)

the cleaned foot (well as much as I could... it bloody stung like mad!)

the teeniest of my wounds but still, equally painful

Went to see the doctor this morning,had my wounds cleaned and dressed and got a tetanus shot. Doc told me that I should've come in last night after I fell down because my knee could use some stitches because the gash is quite deep. Now it will probably scar.

that's the gash on my knee. you can't see it because blood is still oozing out... and those little white-ish stuff at the bottom, is extra skin, which btw the doctor snipped off today...

She put me on antibiotics, antibiotic cream AND an MC :) Such a wonderful doctor.

So lessons learnt from this : -

a) If you have an urge to do something that you normally don't get - DO IT.
b) Never to go back to that ATM ever again
c) Skip and run all you want. It's walking that hurts you apparently...
d) Always... have a boyfriend like mine :) cuz he can help melt all the pain away :)

he's back!!!

Puppy hasn't been doing anything to his music ever since November last year...

Yesterday he started fiddling with Reason again... and is doing some of the equalization stuff for his Teardrops track...

Today we went to buy his keyboard - Axiom49. But we can't use it yet because he doesn't have the software/hardware (ProTools) to configure it to Chimaira (his pc) yet... so he's still Reason-ing at the moment...

Teardrops is indeed improving...

It's kinda like a love hate relationship... much as it is annoying that I keep hearing the melody and song over and over again... it's hard to explain how great it is to hear that it's being fine tuned at the same time....

Btw we went to Tropicana City today... I must say I'm quite impressed and pleased... not completely occupied by tenants yet (it's about 2 months old I think) but the major anchors and tenants are already there...

It's got Starbucks, Toys 'R' Us, Borders, Gelato, Carrefour, Subway and and OPI salon... I could literally live there now! If only they'd open a La Senza, MNG and an FOS outlet... I wouldn't need to travel out of this area at all!

How I View Myself

Did this today and it's pretty accurate how it predicts how I see myself....

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

upset

I rarely show it when I'm upset with him... as you would've read from my older blogs, it's because I don't want to end up like some deranged mental patient.

Today he tipped me off. This is what happened

1800hrs
I IMed him via GTalk and asked him to come pick me up from work since I was working late.

1815hrs
There was no reply. I waited.

1820hrs
Still no reply. So I called his cell. Didn't pick up. Maybe he's showering.

1830hrs
Called again, no answer. I checked GTalk, he was online and not on away.

1835hrs
Called yet again. My temperature rose when I heard his voicemail prompting me to leave a message.

1840hrs
Called one more time. Still no answer. Feeling bloody pissed.

1845hrs
Told myself, that if he doesn't pick up, I'm taking a cab home. True enough he didn't pick up. I IMed him again on GTalk, no reponse. Fuck it, I thought. I dialed the number to a cabbie. They didn't pick up either.

1850hrs
Called another cabbie. Nobody picked up. WTF is with ppl and not answering phones today???
Then he replied my IM. Are you ready? I didn't get any message from you earlier. Can I come now?

Fucking shit... not receiving my IM is excusable. My GTalk has been wonky the whole day so it was a normal thing for others not to receive my IMs.

But I fucking called FIVE BLOODY TIMES.

When we got home, I told him "Can you please next time, do not not pick up my calls? You had me worried sick that something had happened to you...."

My cell was on silent. I'm sorry. Was his response.

Fucking shit I'm still so fucking mad, I'm not talking to him and I don't care if I have to starve the entire night. I'm not talking to him...

biadap, tetap biadap

I came across this blog entry by Anas Zubedy and I can't help but agree with him. He has a point. Pissed as we all are about the decisions being made about the political scene and no matter how much we disagree with Tuanku's decision... were we ever brought up to be biadap like that? It is seriously not our culture to be that rude, crude and disrespectful.

Attached below is his full blog. Article sourced from here.


Brothers and Sisters,

I wrote this after reading the comments to my previous article “ Anwar’s second major blunder”.

One, Personally, I detest and am ‘jijik’ with frogging so I do not agree with any government that is formed by that act, regardless whether it is BN or PR. But both parties seem too happy to practice it, and I agree with Dr Koh that Anwar is the ‘King of Frogs’. But for BN leaders like Najib to make him their teacher, elevating him to be a role model, I think it is not very smart either. However, until we have a law that suggests otherwise, I will accept the legality of the Perak new state government. (Hail Karpal !!!)

Two, I do not have privileged information about what had transpired between the Perak Sultan, BN and PR leaders. I am willing to give the Sultan the benefit of the doubt here and assume that he made the best decision he thought possible. He knows the law better than me.All these quotes about he not being true to his own writings are really shallow arguments because all laws and decisions will need to bear the context within which they are made. Historically, he has made decisions that benefited PR too, so, I perceive that he is fair.

Three, I want the state assembly to be dissolved, though I think it is a waste of money, time and purpose because neither BN nor PR are ethical governments when it comes to frogging. So it does not matter to me if BN or PR leads, just deal with the economy, that’s the issue.Read my lips, IT’S THE ECONOMY STUPID! Stop all your nonsense, I can wait for PRU13! Will all you politicians please shut up,focus all your energies and just go get the economy right.Whether PR or BN rules Perak or Malaysia is useless if a large section of Malaysians have not enough food to eat, no job to go to and remain in poverty. IT’S THE ECONOMY STUPID! Rice is more important than rights when all hell breaks loose in our economy.

Four, what I argued in the article is not what I want or like or whatsoever, ; I am playing the role of a sociologist. It is a socio-cultural reading of the Malays. I could be right, I could be wrong. But, note that it is a thematic problem; it will create impact in the longer run.

When the dusts settle, Malaysians especially the Malays (young and old) will have to decide what the core of Malaysian culture and society is. Where this society we call Malaysia was sired from?

At the end of the day, I bet it would be the Malay entity and culture, with the other sub-cultures acting as supporting actors/actresses and extras.At the very top, who are the keepers of the Malay culture? The Raja-raja Melayu.

Has the Perak royal family acted so wrongly and so zalim to be accorded such rude behaviour both by his subjects and those outside Perak? My answer is a BIG ‘No’. Do you think all the other Raja-raja Melayu are not affected and hurt too with the situation? If they are zalim, go ahead. Are they really zalim here? How do you think their working relationship be with future Pakatan's MBs?

In the area of culture, legal arguments take second place.

Take the Sultan to court if you must, but dont pelt him,be rude to him, show him the finger, screaming and shouting. Is that our culture? Is that how we want our children to behave towards us when they disagree with our desicions?

You decide.

Biadap, tetap biadap.

28 Feb 2009 - Part II

So it's not anything huge today. I'm not planning to do anything out of the ordinary anyways. I mean, it's a birthday, it's a celebration by itself knowing that so many people love and care about me. Besides, I was never a huge fan of huge celebrations for myself :P

Anyhoo... I had a great brekkie with mom. Went for a bit of a pampering - a manicure and pedicure session (plus a great goss sesh with the girls there). Walked around the shops but unfortunately didn't buy anything.

I'm going for evening mass later and dinner with mom. With probably a drink or two with the gang - aaannnnd hopefully to see my puppy for a bit...

Oh and also, I just realized that according to the Chinese calendar, it's my Chinese birthday tomorrow! Cool eh?

28 Feb 2009

Today is a triple-y special day for me

One
It's my birthday

Two
It's five months for me and the pup

Three
My cousin Brian is getting married today!!!

My birthday wishlist

Now I am a very difficult person to get a gift for. Because there's nothing really in particular that I like... but anyhoo, I love gifts. So anything would do...

I'm bored at work and decided to write this down.

Colin asked me again last night "Baby.... what do you want for your birthday," and again I told him "I don't know,"

In the end I told him "Surprise me..."

I don't want to be mean but I say that because what I want, he cannot get me because it's too expensive or it's just not possible.

As long as he takes the effort to get me something... I don't really care.

I mean, you know me... I'm not the materialistic kind. I don't demand for stuff.

So anyways, this is my wishlist...

. Mazda Miata 2nd Generation Roadster
. A 4D3N South East Asian holiday
. Visit Bern
. Visit Mann
. Visit Megu
. iPod Touch 32GB
. Accessories and knick knacks for Poppy (my Panasonic LX3 camera)
. Less fat
. Kaneshiro Takeshi
. Richard Gere
. Marry Superman
. Clear my cc bill
. Lionhead hotot bunny (actually I'd really really love this but I don't have the time to take care of a pet in KL so I don't want it but I couldn't help it, had to write it down hahaha)
. Shopping gift vouchers (min 300MYR) from either one - MNG, Zara, La Senza, Forever 21, Vincci, FOS,
. New notebook (either a HP Pavilion, IBM Thinkpad or a MacBook)
. New cellphone (the canggih kind like maybe an Xperia1 or a HTC diamond or a blackberry or one of them cool nokias/SE cells)
. Fisher & Paykel/Electrolux Fridge
. Jamie Oliver books (hardcover)
. Dresses - for every day wear
. Boots - plain black or tan, leather (NO suede), pointy toes and at least 2.5" heels

Am I asking for too much? :P

live bullets

I read this in the papers on Monday about the whole political thing in Perak and how the UMNO youths are really p.o-ed with Karpal for mentioning that he wants to sue the Sultan of Perak yadda3x

Apparently Karpal Singh received a handwritten warning letter in his mail box which was posted from Ipoh on Feb 12, 2009 with two live bullets in it saying "Cilaka, babi, anjing. Jgn main2 dengan Raja Melayu kalu tak syg anak bini jgn cr pasal nanti lu satu family gua bakar!!! Lu punya rumah semua gua tau!! Lu cabar Melayu mati lu satu Family!"

The note is uber laugh out loud if you ask me.

Firstly - WTF kinda letter is that? Dude... he's a lawyer... and a damn good one so do you think sending a letter like that would work? Plus, if you want to intimidate a damned good lawyer... write a better note. This clearly shows the lack of education and maturity of thoughts...

Secondly - How the hell did two live bullets in an envelope manage to be sent? And where'd they get two live bullets in the first place?

Thirdly - People should just take things more lightly... geez what's with everyone being so bloody uptight?

Anyhoo... read this today that's why I'm blogging about it...

100

It's my hundredth post! Wow time flies...

I actually have nothing much to say... except that this is my 100th post!

Whoopee!!!!

why do i...?

I ask my self this question quite a bit sometimes. Why do I love him? I'll honestly tell you, "I don't know," and that sometimes scares me - when something happens and you can't explain why.

At most times it doesn't scare me if I don't think about it. I spiral into emotions and let things to as they flow.

Today, he gave me yet another gesture which reminded why do I love him...

... because he takes the trouble to do simple things just to put a smile on my face when I come home every day... <3

fyi - that's Fluffy and Dudley (his puppy) reading a Beano Annual issue on the bed.

my inner demons

I woke up 3am this morning cuz of the first dream... it was rather annoying because I woke up three times before my alarm rang and all because of bad dreams...

The first one was rather silly... just that I dreamt that some weird ass looking dude had broken into the house despite me trying to fend him off... and Colin couldn't do much either... it was scary cuz the weird ass dude looked like a cross between that thing from 300 and Gollum and had brute strength... and it was one of those dreams where no matter how hard I hit, there's no strength... you know like the whole trying to run but can't run in a dream? I woke up shortly after being startled out of my life in that dream... glanced at my watch... dammit it was only 0300hrs...

Then I went back to sleep... and it was like a continuation of that earlier dream... Colin and I were on our bed discussing about what happened and I was telling him how freaked and unsafe I feel now... and that I'm glad he's here with me... then he decided to do some disappearing trick... literally one minute I saw him, the other minute I didn't. Apparently he says he can use it for some defense kinda thing... like disappear and sneak up on the intruder and I don't know punch him or something... but seeing him disappear like that freaked me out even more and I ended up crying... then I woke up... it was 0500hrs...

Went back to sleep for the umpteenth time... then this time, he was back in college for classes... and he asked me to wait in the car for a bit cuz he has to go pick something up. Then one car wanted to move and I was in the way, so I got in the driver's seat and drove further up... then I realized there's an empty parking spot... so I parked... and got down. I saw Mary Ann there so we went yum cha for a bit since I'm waiting for Colin... waited waited waited... didn't show up...

Then after a bit I saw him... with another college friend... and they were walking to where he left the car. So I ran up to him to tell him that I've parked and that we're having drinks... so he and his friends came to join us... and there was this girl who tagged along. Fair, long haired, typical chinese girl with the whole cute-sy look... then she sat between him and his friend... she was pissing me off cuz she was flirting and playing the damsel in distress card on Colin. Then the waiter came to take our drinks order... and Colin ordered... and asked her what she wants... and she's like "Oh I don't know, I can't seem to decide," with the damn pouty lips and the helpless look... so Colin ordered for her... and then he BLOODY PLACED HIS ARM ON THE BACK OF HER CHAIR AND GAVE HER A PECK ON THE CHEEK!

Bloody heck I was so pissed and infuriated... and apparently everyone else at the table knew that something was going on and kept quiet... and he looked at me with the "What's up babe?" look... I poured my entire drink all over him and stormed off... and he didn't even bother to chase after me or call me back...

I woke up at 0700hrs with tears on my pillow....

My inner demon (insecurity) is really showing up now in my dreams... I need to do something about it

Valentine's Day

So how was yours?

I'm not entirely a Valentine's Day kind of person, mainly because it's too commercialized. Don't you think it's ludicrous to charge that much for a bouquet of roses or a present or a dinner? It sucks to be a guy. I even told my puppy that.

To tell you the truth, I didn't encourage him to do anything special for Valentine's Day because of the whole commercialism thing. Can you imagine receiving the same mass produced bouquet of red roses everyone else is getting? Can you imagine receiving a huge plush teddy with I LOVE YOUs blatantly splashed all over it? Can you imagine getting all dressed up for a romantic dinner only to realize that the restaurant is packed with other couples and despite your reservation you have to wait "because it's Valentine's Day," ?

Mine was beyond my expectations. Fair to say I was disappointed.

Our first Valentine's Day together and the day just passed - just like that.

At the end of the day, I'm still a girl. A small surprise to show that you remember and you care enough to do something for me on Valentine's Day would suffice.

black

To mourn the death of democracy in Perak, we're calling out to all Perakeans to mourn together by wearing all black on Tuesday, 10 Feb 2009.

I'll be dressed fully in black from top to toe...

p/s : for those who have no idea what's going on... go check out the local dailies about the Perak state government news

pikabu

My puppy is the cutest. Usually when he picks me up from work, he'll call me and say "Hi, I'm here," or "Hi, I'm downstairs,"

For the past few days, he's been letting Pikabu call me... so so cute! And everytime Pikabu goes "Hawwooo? Colin is downstairs..." and he sound so adorable...

revelation

"Men can be difficult at times, but I happen to like
boys"

Singer Kelly Clarkson who revealed she could never be a
lesbian

Something I can totally relate to. Men can be bloody difficult, confusing and weird at times and most of the time they're just plain mind boggling. But dammit, I can't even imagine kissing another girl let alone entering a relationship with another woman.

And that is why I, too, could never be a lesbian.

"Madonna"

Had my first company CNY dinner with some co-workers from the same floor. The usual chinese dinner. My manager called the restaurant up to reserve a table for us... and instead of using her own name, she decided to go all out - for the fun of it. This is how the convo went :

Lady : Hello?
Manager : Hello, is this New Paris Restaurant?
Lady : Yes...
Manager : I'd like to reserve a table for dinner tonight
Lady : Okay... what time and how many?
Manager : 7pm and for 10 pax
Lady : Okay.... your name...?
Manager : Madonna
Lady : Ma- what?
Manager : Madonna
Lady : (sounds a tad stunned) how to spell???
Manager : M-a-d-o-n-a
Lady : Umm okay... see you at 7

So when we got to the restaurant... this is what we saw on the reservation board...

hahaha priceless!

dorset cereals

Have been trying to eat health(ier) these days and since I can't eat much the moment I wake up especially if it's early in the morning... and it takes me forever to finish munching on my cereal... I decided to take them to work...

yummmm.... there's like SO many types of berries and cherries in it.... it's heavenly....

today

Today is four months that we've officially been together...

Today is four months that he first told me "I love you,"

Today is four months that I have accepted him into my life

Today is four months that we haven't had any arguments

Today is four months that I have lived my life with him

Today is four months that I have loved him and will continue to do so

Today is a good sign :)

Today I wish for many more similar milestones in our relationship for many many years to come.

i miss you....

It's been 72hrs since I've seen your face or felt your arms around me...

It's been 72hrs since I've smelt your lingering scent next to me...

It's been too bloody long!!!

This is my new fav song. Can't stop listening to it. I somehow always find it fascinating on how much simplicity in lyrics can mean so much and how music can make you feel emotions and thoughts and replay memories.



青山テルマ ft SoulJa - そばにいるね
※あなたのこと　私は今でも思い続けているよ
いくら時流れて行こうと　I'm by your side baby いつでも
So.　どんなに離れていようと
心の中ではいつでも一緒にいるけど　寂しいんだよ
So baby please　ただ hurry back home

△Baby boy　あたしはここにいるよ　どこもいかずに待ってるよ
You know dat I love you　だからこそ　心配しなくていいんだよ
どんなに遠くにいても変わらないよこの心
言いたい事わかるでしょ?
あなたのこと待ってるよ

[SoulJa]
んなことよりお前の方は元気か?　ちゃんと飯食ってるか?
ちくしょう、やっぱ言えねぇや
また今度送るよ　俺からのLetter

[青山テルマ]
過ぎ去った時は戻せないけれど　近くにいてくれた君が恋しいの
だけど　あなたとの距離が遠くなる程に　忙しくみせていた
あたし逃げてたの
だけど　目を閉じる時　眠ろうとする時　逃げきれないよ　あなたの事
思い出しては　一人泣いてたの

(※くり返し)
(△くり返し)

[SoulJa]
不器用な俺　遠くにいる君
伝えたい気持ちそのまま言えずに　君は行っちまった
今じゃ残された君はアルバムの中

[青山テルマ]
アルバムの中　納めた思い出の
日々より　何げない一時が　今じゃ恋しいの
And now　あなたからの電話待ち続けていた
携帯にぎりしめながら眠りについた
あたしは　どこも行かないよ　ここにいるけれど
見つめ合いたいあなたのその瞳
ねぇわかるでしょ?　あたし待ってるよ

(△くり返し)

[SoulJa]
俺はどこも行かないよ　ここにいるけれど　探し続けるあなたの顔
Your 笑顔　今でも触れそうだって思いながら手を伸ばせば　君は

(※くり返し×2)

i'm home

I'm finally back home in Ipoh for the CNY hols.

Traffic was a tad heavy but was flowing rather steadily throughout the journey. There was only a jam at the toll but we detoured and exited via the off roads instead.

Being home is a good feeling. My dogs were utterly glad and excited to see me. I was very happy to see mom again.

But dammit I miss you... that's what's wrong with me... I get too used to having you around that I miss you whenever we're apart :P

Oh well, it'll probably be a long five days without him... *sniff*

The Hottest State

How camest though hither
The orchard walls are high and hard to climb
With Love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls
For stony limits cannot hold love out
And what love can do that dares love attempt
Therefore thy kinsmen are no let to me

An excerpt from The Hottest State - page 91-92

Letting go

This is something that I have been putting off for quite a while - partly because I didn't want to do it and partly because I hate confrontations.

I've been seeing Colin for almost four months now, and during that entire time, I never made it clear to Andy that it is really over between the both of us. Yes I know, we broke up in 07 but still, we remained in contact and we wanted to work it out especially after meeting during his trip in Aug 08 but it never happened.

So I wrote him an email. I've decided not to tell him that I'm seeing Colin because it's really got nothing to do with him. This is between Claire Yukiko Ishikawa and Andrew Weldon and bringing a third party in will just be messy and bitter not to mention unfair.

I decided to do this because I remember how frustrating and heart wrenching it was to be in the dark back then when I was trying to figure out what was going wrong with our relationship. So just because he kept me in the dark doesn't mean that I should stoop to the same level and do it back for him. Not everything is tit for tat. The world doesn't work that way. And I owe it to him.

Anyways, this is what I wrote to him. Writing this letter was not easy. It is never easy to mention bad news to someone you care about. It is never easy to confront something that you have put aside for so long.

I know I've been putting this off for way too long, and I know that it was never fair of me to ignore you and leave you in the dark, it was selfish of me to do that and I'm sorry.

It's just that I cannot think straight when it involves you, you know that. I can never be the level-headed person I am when you are involved because I cared too much for you, that it has made me very emotional.

But you were always there in my life. You were my life. My best friend, my confidante, my mentor, my rock, my love... you were my everything. The worst part was that I had begun to be dependent on you for everything because you were the most important person in my life. My world revolved around you.

At one point, I believed that no matter what happens, we will be together and I was willing to do anything to make that happen. All I wanted was for you to be happy, even if it cost me my happiness. I'd rather be miserable for the rest of my life than to see you unhappy. I wanted to fight for that belief so much that I was willing to forsake everything else.

But I'm tired now. I'm tired of fighting and holding up. I need to learn to stand on my two feet.

I cannot be in a relationship with someone whom I know it will never happen. I still love you, and will always do, but I cannot hold on to this knowing that neither one of us is really that all willing to make it happen. It's not fair to you... and it's not fair to me.

When you told me that it was better for us to let go, I hated you for it because I knew you were right. I hated the fact that you didn't want to fight for it. I hated the fact that you didn't want to hold on. I hated myself because I kept blaming myself for everything that went wrong. We said let got but I kept on hanging on... maybe because I didn't want to accept the fact that it was over... maybe because I was in denial about the whole thing...

But I knew you were right on the decision. You always are. You always knew me better than I knew myself. And I hate you for that. I've attached that conversation we had on that day and everytime I read it, it seems to make more sense and at the same time it evokes very strong emotions in me, almost as if I'm reliving the conversation.

In a way, I think us letting go helped me to shed some light. If we didn't, I would still be holding on to something that may or may not happen and constantly being frustrated about it. We've spent the last few years constantly disagreeing on every other thing. And that is not how I want you to live your life and me, mine.

As I said earlier, I don't want you to be unhappy and for the past year, nothing has been happy for either one of us. I keep demanding for your attention and time when I clearly knew you didn't have time for me and that frustrated me and made me pissy at you which then in turn made you pissy. I know you don't want me to be upset but you just didn't have the time for yourself - with all the work problems and all... let alone have time to deal with a pissy me.

It's been 7 years and if it could never happen, I don't think it will ever happen. Corny and cliche as it may sound, but I think that your trip here was probably the final chapter to closing the book.

After you left, I was an emotional heap of crap and distress. I was breaking down. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think, I couldn't do anything but cry and blame myself for everything that went wrong and blame myself for all the things I regretted not doing.

Letting go of you was the hardest thing I had to do, and to have to physically let go of you and walk away from you at the airport... that took a lot out of me.

I love you. I always have and always will.

But I cannot do it again. I cannot lose you twice in a lifetime. I cannot say bye and walk away from you twice in a lifetime. It's just too much pain and frustration and heartache. I refuse to do it.

I actually keep a copy of all our conversations dating back to 2000 when we first started talking on ICQ and I read them over and over again whenever I missed you.

I still harbor the hopes that we'd end up together. That we would grow old, wrinkly and white-haired together and live in a large house by ourselves with dogs in the backyard and raspberry shrubs along the side. But deep down inside I know it will never happen.

I'm going to put myself first, I am my priority. I know it's the most selfish way, but it's the easiest way for me to move on. I'm starting anew this year and slowly putting it all behind me.

You were the best thing that happened to me and God knows what kind of a person I would be if you were never in my life. And I thank you for being there for me and shaping me into the person that I am now.

I'm sorry for this and it probably sounds harsh but I will continue to not talk to you until I'm ready to do so. I need to go cold turkey on this because the temptation and emotions, the seduction is there and that is the rut I'm trying to get out of. I need to have my own life now and not be in a virtual relationship.

I'm sorry this took so long but again, I was in denial, I have always been in denial when it comes to any decision making thing which concerns you. I kept thinking that maybe we can work this out. But now I've made my decision, which is to fully support the decision you made two years ago - to let go.

Bah, humbug!

For the first time in weeks... since slightly before Christmas, I had barely had a weekend to sleep in. Was rushing around because of Christmas, weddings, engagements, hen's nights, my new job and also Megu's visit.

For the first time in days... I don't have to actually wake up when my alarm rings and instead of hitting the snooze button and wishing that I can just go back to sleep, I'm bloody wide awake at 7am on a Saturday morning...

Bah....

Pieces of me

Ashlee Simpson - Pieces of Me

On a Monday, I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cuz you've come to rescue me

Fall... With you, I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath, I hope it lasts

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody, messy
I get restless, and it's senseless
How you never seem to care
When I'm angry, you listen
When youre happy, it's a mission
And you wont stop 'til I'm there

Fall... Sometimes I fall so fast
Well, I hit that bottom
Crash, you're all I have

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you known me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

How do you know everything I'm about to say?
Am I that obvious?
And if it's written on my face...
I hope it never goes away... yeah

On a Monday, I am waiting
And by Tuesday, I am fading into your arms...
So I can breathe

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhh
It seems like I can finally rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Ohhhhh
It's as if you've know me better than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh I love how you can tell
Ohhhhh I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me...

i'm so exhausted....

This has been a rather long week for me... I started my first week of work at my new company and it's been quite alright. Workload isn't too much but I know I shouldn't take it too easy. Corp Comm is never a breeze.

Then on Friday night, I rushed to KLIA to pick up Megu and then back to Ipoh.

I've been rushing around so much... I'm so tired....

And I miss my puppy :( I don't get to see him every day... okay fine it's only been today where I saw him for 3-4hrs during Simmy and Harpreet's wedding... but that's in public with people...

I miss waking up next to him... I miss falling asleep next to him... I miss the smell of him...

I miss my puppy...

100 days

Today is our 100th day together. Personally, I think there's too much emphasis on the magnitude of the word -hundred- don't you? It's like... a large number... but it's not that all large...

Anyhoo, I told the puppy that today is the 100th day we've been together. He smiled at me and kissed me on the forehead.

So we planned to go watch a movie... and dinner after that as a mini celebration. To set the record straight - I did not tell him to subtly hint that I want to celebrate. I told him because I was happy and in a way surprised that we made it to 100 days. It's a milestone for me!

It was simple but I had a great day. Happy100th day hun. Love you *hugs*

p/s : this is one of the most intimate/private moments shot of us and I love it. Thanks Cal!