time will heal this...

Chris sent me this last night when we were talking. (Thanks for your patience, you rock!)

I'm on an emotional roller coaster, I told him. I really don't really know how to deal with this. One day I'm fine, one day I'm all depressed and the next day I have another sudden realization and I'm fine again. The cycle never stops and it's beginning to really annoy me.

Sometimes I wish I could just tell him about the shit that I'm going through right now but then I think that it's really got nothing to do with him now. It's something that I have to deal on my own. I have to fight my own fires now without depending on him for support.

I wanna be okay again. I know it takes time. If the saying that it takes half the time of being with the person to get over the person is true, I have 3 1/2 years more to go.

It's so annoying now that I can barely hold my food down because I rarely have an appetite but I have to eat else everyone else will start asking "Why what's wrong?" and the emotional ride will start all over again. So I end up eating more than I actually can and my body throws it back out after a bit. Then if not eating well isn't good, I don't sleep too well either.

I'm going through extremes to prove I'm fine without him - being Mary Sunshine 24/7. But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind....

Everyone tells me "Oh just find someone else. I wish I could and I wish it was that easy. It's like throwing myself out there and getting someone to replace my mom, my best friend or my left arm for that matter.

I don't know what song this is from but as I read through it, I realize that what it says is true.

That he means a helluva lot to me, but time will heal me, I will love again and no matter how hard it is to be without him, I'll be okay.

p/s : I know sometimes I talk about it like he's dead or something, he's not, but it's just that I have to live my life without him now - for real.

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

flashbacks

As if I'm not feeling the worst I have felt in years, flashbacks keep coming back to me and every time I allow myself to re-live a moment, emotions rush through me...

Last week, I woke Andy up at 10am for no apparent reason - except that I was bored. In actual fact I was already up at 7am but couldn't go back to sleep because I was so excited about everything. It's not that I wanted to go anywhere. I was fine just being in his presence. I could just stay all day staring at him.

We went for breakfast (actually it was more of brunch than breakfast but since it was the first meal of the day...) and then after that we went traipsing around KL. Took him to the Central Market and Petaling Street as well as Suria KLCC.

We chilled out till 4pm and then decided to go back to the hotel cuz he wanted to swim in the pool. I had no suit. I kept smacking myself on the head for NOT packing a suit. I always pack a suit everywhere I go just in case I go swimming and this time, I left it out. OF ALL TIMES *sigh* so we tried to do a spot of shopping around for a new suit.

I hate buying something because I have to. I'm a very picky shopper and at times I'm like a guy. I know what I want, I go straight for it and can spend less than 5 mins in a store. I always have a rough idea of what I want and where I can get it from so my usual shopping sprees will take about 10 mins in each store unless if they're having some clearance sale so then... what can I say, I AM female after all.

It's no surprise that I didn't get anything. I should've just worn my GAP top and my undies and joined him in the pool. Instead I dipped my feet in and walked around. He wasn't swimming too much himself. He was mostly standing in one spot doing imaginary exercise moves talking to me.

We finally went back to the room and it was 9.30pm. So we decided that we should go out for food because if we stayed in, we'd be too lazy to go out when we're actually hungry later on and he had spotted a Mexican restaurant about 2 blocks down the road and he wanted enchiladas.

Right about now last week, we were sitting at the bar having his second Weihenstephen and he was telling me all about his trip to Jamaica earlier this year for Jeremy's wedding and that we should always 'respect the Dawg' and what Dr Feelgood would do for him all in the name of cash.

I miss my Andy...

The Bergdorf Blondes vs p.s I Love You

Remember earlier when I wanted to reinject romance into my life and I bought Cecelia Ahern's p.s I Love You? (Wow somehow that reminds me of this book by Will Bullas that Andy got for me for Christmas one year).

Anyways, I didn't find that book that much of a tear jerker (Cecelia Ahern, not Will Bullas) as compared to others whom I know who have read the book. It was touching in the first two chapters but after that it got predictable for me so I just put it down. It's been sitting on my study table ever since.

Yesterday while I went to the mall to run a few errands, I saw the book - Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes.

Now, don't get me wrong but I love pretty looking books. You know how they say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover? I do that a lot. I have a weakness for hardcover books. I have a few copies of Anne Rice's books in hard cover and paperback - the hardcover is mostly for collection purposes but I have read ALL the Anne Rice books that I've bought.

Anyhoo, this book, is really girly and much easier reading for me. I've easily gone through five chapters today and I probably will finish the book before I sleep tonight AND have a great time. But it also depends cuz I am rather sleepy. Went out for drinks last night and there was a blackout in my area this morning for about 3 hours, as it it wasn't bad enough that I had a hangover, there was no fan or a/c at all... bleh....

Okey dokes, gotta go. Talk to you soon

Regret is a big fat bitch kicking you in the arse

There are many things I regret not doing when he was around.

1) I regret not jumping into the pool at the hotel with him even though I didn't bring a suit. I could have just worn one of my strappy tops and my low rise undies (which btw does look very bikini bottom like)
2) I regret not asking if I'll ever see him again
3) I regret not snuggling up to him when I woke up in the middle of the night and realizing that I had moved over to my side.
4) I regret not taking enough photographs of us
5) I regret not kissing him at the train station
6) I regret not asking him to stay earlier
7) I regret not asking him to take him with me
8) I regret not telling him that I love him
9) I regret not asking him about the past or the future

I think I never did all these things because I was afraid. I knew that if I told him that I loved him, I would expect him to say it in return and I didn't want him to say it because I said it.

I was afraid that if he said it because I said it, it wouldn't be real.

I was afraid that if I said it and he didn't say it in return I would be heartbroken.

I was afraid that if I took a million pictures of us together I would have a hell of a time trying to get over this.

I was afraid that if I asked him about the past of the future, I would be disappointed.

I was afraid of so many things. I was so afraid that I didn't do anything. I never jumped at the opportunity to do so many things with him around.

Now I have to live with regret, not knowing what would happen if I did tell him I loved him. I will never know how he really feels.

Breakdown

I am such a wreck. I've been crying so much since he left that my eyes are swollen. I miss Andy :(

On the way home from KLIA, the scene right before we parted kept playing in my mind. Then Mag called, and I called Len to tell her that I was on my way back and tears kept flowing because I was always reminded of the way he held me in his arms right before we parted.

Mornings are tough. I woke up yesterday and I cried. I cried because I didn't wake up next to him anymore.

I cried because I couldn't hear his constant breathing.

I cried because there was no smell of him next to me.

I cried because there was no more Andy.

Nights are tough too. Right before I slept, I looked around and I was in my own bed. I wasn't going to have to climb in under the sheets while he's still watching telly, turn off the little light on the side dresser, or move over to kiss him goodnight and drift off to sleep in his arms.

I was alone on my bed.

Even music makes me burst. I was driving out for lunch with Len yesterday and a song came on the radio and I burst out crying.....

This morning, I dreamt a little bit of him and I woke up to reality in my own room. No Andy next to me. Reality bites.... it really jumps up and bites you hard in the butt.

My heart feels.... like it's in pieces and scattered all over.

I think I'm having a break down but I'm trying not to let it get to me.....

Mariah Carey ft Bone Thugs and Harmony - Breakdown

(Layzie Bone)
Don't break down yet it's over, over
Don't break down yet it's over, over
Don't break down yet it's over, over
Don't break down yet it's over

(Krayzie Bone)
Steady breaking me on down
break, breakdown
Steady breaking me on down
break, breakdown
Steady breaking me on down

[Mariah Carey]
You called yesterday
To basically say
That you care for me but
That you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended to be
Feeling similarly
And led you to believe
I was ok to just walk away from the
One thing that's unyielding and sacred to me

[Chorus: sung by Mariah Carey; Krayzie Bone singing 1 in background]
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm
Slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I breakdown and cry

[Mariah Carey]
So what do you do when
Somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you
And it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride
And sing "I Will Survive"
(Krayzie Bone in background: Gotta get control and roll roll roll on)
Do you lash out and say
How dare you leave this way
Do you hold in vain
As they just slip away

[Chorus]

[Wish Bone]
Gonna break you down, down, down, only if you let it (Don't let it)
Everyday crazy situations rocking my mind trying to break me down
But I won't let it forget it
If you feel the same way that I do
Then let me hear y'all all sing too
Sing, it's al-right, it's alright, it's alright yeah
Hoping for the sun, but it looks like rain
B-O-N-E, but it's still the same
Came this far, but it's been a long road
Troubles gonna come but we gotta stay strong, hold on, on

[Krayzie Bone]
Aw, yeah, I often feel the pressures, y'all
But nevertheless Krayzie won't fall
It's over, it's ending here, here
I said it's over. It's ending here, here
So I'll be on my way
And maybe we can meet up in the future one day
But for now I'm bailing, bailing
Bailing! baby gotta get up, can't take no more
I'm headed for the door
Come and take a look into this humble eye
Tell me if we lived a lie
Would our souls unite

[Layzie Bone]
Every new day is a test for me
So I just pray to the Lord for him to bless me, please
There's struggles I'm going through lately
Breaks me down, set me free
Let me be, let me be
Who else do we have to rely on
Whose shoulder can a thug go cry on
Came to get my vibe on
While you look into my eyes
Won't underestimate this soldier story
Imma tell you right now Imma stand up
Wrong if I let my lead bust
Pac said keep your head up
Don't let this world get the best of you
All my struggles, I'm through
If it's over, over, over
Don't breakdown yet it's over

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

Cry, cry (Break break down)
Cry, cry (Steady breaking me on down)
Cry, cry (Break break down)
Cry, cry (Steady breaking me on down)

I Stay In Love

I've always been a fan of MC. I think she rocks and I'm pretty sure a lot of people say this but I really mean it when I say I relate to the lyrics.

This song in particular from her recent album really reaches out to me. I'm in denial about a relationship I'm in. Not that it's that much of a relationship anymore. We were together for 7 years, May this year would have marked the 8th year but we ended it last year, anyhoo we're still very much in contact and we're friends.

He was my best friend, my confidante and the love of my life. And you never throw away something like that easily.

Only my really close friends know about him because others think that this isn't real and that long distance relationships over continents with only technology to keep us together will never work. In fact only a handful of people even know about his existence and what he means to me because it's just too much to explain.

He recently came over for a visit and I had a wonderful three days with him. Things were rather awkward but at the same time everything felt so natural. Our relationship has gone to the level where we can just sit in the same room and we can be doing our own thing or just staring off into space and it feels natural. We don't need to speak to convey anything (which sometimes gets rather creepy)

I would love to try and keep this relationship going. Unfortunately the years and distance has taken a toll on the both of us and we know this is the best thing to do. We're both reluctant to move over and living 14hrs apart is not easy.

I don't know about him but I know I really am still hanging on, hoping that it will one day happen again for the both of us.

I've lived 8 years of my life with him in it.... I really can't imagine my life without my best friend, my confidante and the love of my life.... I can't imagine going through the rest of my life without my Andy.

But deep down, I know that it's never going to happen and it really sucks....

I've been crying since I left him at the airport gates.

He hugged me, kissed me on the forehead and tears just flowed. Then I pushed him away, looked down so that he wouldn't see my tears and said "Just go..." but my voice gave me away. I was quivering.

He didn't let go of me but tilted my chin up and I saw him smiling at me and then he asked "Are you crying?" Then he held me in his arms again and kissed me on the forehead. Then I looked up at him and he said "You were worth the wait," and then he kissed me on the lips and bear hugged me again.

Tears flowed like an open faucet. I couldn't take it. I pushed him away, wiped the tears away and looked at him and said "Just go... please...." and I walked away. I couldn't watch him go past the gates. I couldn't turn back to look at him because I know if I did, I would run after him and ask him not to leave me. I would cry. I would make a huge scene.

I had just said my final good bye to the love of my life. I know I'll probably never see him in real life again.

If holding on is hard, letting go is even harder. But I will always love him.... and nothing will ever change that.

the babygirl and Mr Weldon
August 11, 2008 @ KLIA, Malaysia


Mariah Carey - I Stay In Love
I Stay In Love
Baby, I stay in love with you

Dying inside cause I can't stand it
Make up break up can't take this madness
We don't even really know why all I know is baby I
Try and try so hard to keep our love alive
If you don't' know me at this point then I highly doubt you ever will
I really need you to give me that unconditional love I used to feel
It's a mistake if we just erase it
From our hearts and minds I know

We said let it go but I kept on hangin' on
Inside I know it's over you're really gone
It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try to front like 'Oh well' each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now, no matter what I do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you

It cuts so deep it hurts down to my soul
My friends tell me I ain't the same no more
We still need each other
When we stumble and fall how
we gon' act like what we had
Ain't nothing at all now
Hey, what I wanna do is ride shotgun next to you
With the top down like we used to
Hit the block proud in the SU
We both know our heart is breakin'
Can we learn from our mistakes
I can't last one moment alone, although I know

We said let go but I kept on hangin' on
Inside I know it's over you're really gone
It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now no matter what I do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you

We said let go but I kept on hangin' on
Inside I know it's over you're really gone
It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now no matter what I do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you

We said let go but I kept on hangin' on
Inside I know it's over you're really gone
It's killing me cause there ain't nothing that I can do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you
And I keep on telling myself that you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well" each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now no matter what I do
Baby baby, I stay in love with you

ranting about work...

I am so stressed with work nowadays that I really am not sure how I should deal with it. For the last 2 weeks, I have had 3 event projects on my hand which I'm running in collaboration with different Heads of Units in my office.

(quick flashback, I'm with the Resource Centre - meaning I'm very resourceful. HAHAHA. Anyhoo I do all the writing for the company - programme books, fact sheets, news releases, briefs, memorandums, circulars, flyers, banners, brochures, you get the gist)

And I think I'm up to a point where work is on my mind 24/7. There are countless days where I go to sleep thinking of work and I dream of work and then I wake up thinking of work. And the sad part is, I don't like my job that much. And frankly, I don't like the people I work with very much either (of course there are a few exceptions to that).

I have nicknames for people at work.
1) Humpee (cuz she brings her boyfriend everywhere and he's like some blood scum sucking rodent and tries to hump her every chance he gets.... yes even when I'm in the room)
2) Zoidberg (cuz she reminds me a tad of Professor Zoidberg from Futurama and also she's rather queer)
3) Screamer (well, that's rather self explanatory. She screams a lot in the office and she's rather emotional AND sensitive, so she takes quite a bit of things into offense.)
4) Mr Bean (cuz he's effing short sighted and won't bloody wear his glasses and squints like his life depends on it when he reads documents)
5) Intel Aunty (cuz she used to work with that company and with all the experience she's told me about, she's really dim. One time, she wanted to borrow my pen drive to extract a file into her pen drive and after 5 mins, she calls over "Claire, my notebook won't detect your pen drive... can you come and help?" as I walked over, I saw my pen drive.... sitting in front of the USB port... not in it, mind you. IN. FRONT. OF. IT yeah a decade at Intel my ass....)
6) Crazy Indecisive Dude (another self explanatory name. He can NEVER decide. Well he can, but he'll decide something else later. And then go back to point A.... and jump to point D and then to point C and then say okay it's final. But the next morning he'll say "Why'd you go to Point C in the first place??? Point A was fine!!!)

Work stresses me out, so whenever there's a chance to go party and chill out, I say yes in a heartbeat. Unless if I'm too tired.

Unfortunately what happened the other night was that I partied till about 5am and I got home. Didn't get enough sleep. Had to go into the office to help set up the new computer labs and it was uber dusty and stuffy. Didn't feel good but didn't really bother.

Then on Sunday I felt really icky but didn't really bother about it either.

Then Monday came... dum dum dummmm. I had a sore throat, body aches, running nose and a fever. Didn't really bother either and went straight to work because I had an event going on. Had to report for duty. By the last 2 hours of the day, the fever had really kicked in.

On my way home from work, I went to the doctor's clinic. Turns out I was having viral fever, burning up at 38C/100F with the whole works. Doc told me "Take two days off... and REST! If it doesn't get any better, come back and I'll give you another day off,"

Turns out, my office has NO idea what medical leave is. Everyone called an hour apart from 9am all the way to 4pm for 2 whole days. I couldn't rest at all.... I took my meds, and phone call came in one after another. By the 2nd day I couldn't take it. Called up my doc and asked for one more day. She gave it to me.

And today is Sunday. My final event is tomorrow and the morons in my office... are calling me non stop. It's not even MY event to begin with. I'm only helping with the printing and promotional materials. Dammit some people need to learn to DO THINGS ON THEIR OWN!

jumping jiminy!

No it's not about a cricket. In case you haven't noticed already, I have this thing about taking pictures of insects. I find that it gives me some sort of satisfaction especially after I've captured a great clear shot of it because let me tell you, it ain't easy trying to shoot insects.

Today I went to the back garden to look at my herbs. The weather is too warm, my rosemary was drying up. So I picked it up and was about to to put it somewhere shadier, then I noticed something wriggling and jumping up and down at the side. I looked over. It was a centipede. It kept wriggling and jumping up and down, at one point I got a little scared that it might jump at me and go "Haiyah!!!" with a smashing sidekick in my face.

After a little struggle (god knows what it was struggling about) it settled in a little crevice and stayed there. So I took a picture of it. I tried to take an aerial shot of it then all of a sudden it JUMPED right up... I freaked, I screamed and I ran into the house.

Anyways I did a tad of research on the centipede and this is what I'm guessing the one I found is

Scolopendromorpha

Scolopendromorpha
Scientific classification
Kingdom: Animalia Phylum: Arthropoda Subphylum: Myriapoda Class: Chilopoda Subclass: Epimorpha Order: Scolopendromorpha
Families
Cryptopidae Scolopendridae Scolopocryptopidae

The more primitive of the Epimorpha, the Scolopendromorpha comprise 21 or more segments with the same number of paired legs. Their antennae have 17 or more segments. Their eyes will have at least 4 facets on each side.

(got this from here)

If you look closely and count, the little fella does have 21 segments. I didn't bother counting the antennae and well I got a shot from it's rear end so we won't know if its eyes have at least 4 facets on each side. But hey it's cool isn't it?


I do get a bit of the creepy crawlies though when I stare at the picture for too long. It feels like it's gonna jump up at me anytime and go "Haiyah! Take that you silly person!"

Area 01 - Freeze Da Music @ Cameron Highlands

My big bro's co-organizing this cool music event up in Cameron Highlands... it is going to be a blast and soooo rock your world.  Take my word for it

Date : August 9, 2008 (Saturday)

Time : 9.00om (+0.800GST) till you drop

Venue : Sunlight House, Brinchang Cameron Highlands

Get more info from my facebook events here

i love rainy nights

It's been raining quite a bit these days at nights and it makes sleeping such a wonderful experience. Snuggling under my blankie and on my oh-so-IKEA fluffy pillows, feeling warm as toast and with the sounds of raindrops pitter pattering on the roof above me.... I almost never want to wake up. Except for this morning, but mainly because I dreamt that I was battling zombies and my mom tried to feed me pasta as I was running away............

Anyways... as I was saying.... rainy nights turn into misty mornings and with my office near the mountain range, I am greeted by a curtain of heavy mist the moment I get on the highway. One day, it was SO misty... I thought my office building had vanished........

This is almost 2 miles from the exit and my office building is usually visible come rain or shine


This is like half a mile away and just a TEENSY WEENY bit of the ground floor of my office building was visible....

*sigh* and I thought the rain had come and washed my office building away......

Well one can only hope and wish that some dreams will come true hahaha

choco chip cookies!

I love cookies. I love them even more if they're chocolate chip. I love them EVEN more than even more when it's got loadsa choco chips on them. So what does the babygirl do? She makes her own choco chip cookies.

Of course creativity carries the babygirl away now and then.... Yes I know it looks like little hamster/guineapig/rabbit droppings and I swear that those are Hershey's SemiSweets but it wasn't that all easy to knead and shape cookie dough with choco chips in them.... not too bad for my first attempt, eh?

My next cookie project will be another superhero logo thingamajigga... haven't really decided which one yet....

my osmanthus

I was named after this plant... well technically my grandfather gave me my name after counting the strokes in the characters because apparently a girl born should have a certain number of strokes in her name (I have no idea how many strokes there are). Anyhoo part of my name has this character in it... which by the way is also the name of this flower - osmanthus

One day I passed by a tea shop in the mall. I think it's an Asian thing to like drinking tea... it's like we're brought up with it or something. Anyways I saw these little yellow, pink, blue and green decorated jars and somehow I HAD to go up to the jars to take a closer look.
Lo and behold... the yellow jar had my name written on it (okay, okay, part of my name) so being the dinkus I am... I got totally excited and had to buy that jar of tea.

It's pretty nice tea by the way... smells sweet but doesn't taste sweet... it's kind of like jasmine tea but with a different type of fragrance/smell.

Then it hit me... let's wiki it! And I found out that it's a flower native to warmer countries like Asia and that it can be a little shrub up to a tree about 6ft or so in height. The flowers are produced in spring, summer and or autumn and the flowers are really teeny... about a third of an inch and has only four petals. Really cute looking flowers.

Then one time, I was with mum at the nursery looking at plants for the garden... there hiding in a little corner... voila - an osmanthus plant


Naturally I bought it. *duh*

Now every morning before I go to work... I stop by my little plant and take a sniff because it smells so darn good :)

And now it's trying to give a little bit of attitude... and growing leaves from out of its little flower.

Yeah, this was actually the whole point of writing this blog down.... HAHAHA gotcha!

Pentax Asahi ME

Found me dad's old SLR. I remember mum telling me that there's sommat wrong with it but she wasn't too sure (she's not too much a technical/camera person anyways) but I do know that she refuses to send it to a shop to get it repaired because the last time she did that, the guy told her that he'll have to keep it over night and well, she just couldn't part with it.

Also the paranoia of the guy ripping my dad's SLR apart and selling its parts away bit by bit kicked in. Pa-pa had paid over a thousand bucks for this little baby and not to mention 35mm and 50mm lens (no idea how much the lenses cost) for this as well as an electronic flash which cost 80bucks well over 25 years ago.


Anyhoo, I did a tad of research on it and turns out the camera IS older than me. The Pentax Asahi ME was circa 1976 - 1980 (that makes it approximately 6 years older than me at most) and was the first of it's kind to to have features like camera control of the shutter speed, stop exposure compensation, sophisticated aperture priority metering system and also a 1/100 sync speed. (Read more about it here.)

An amateur level camera for photography enthusiasts, this little baby boasts of being one of the most well received single-lens reflex cameras of it's time, that it influenced the design of 35 mm SLRs worldwide for years to come.

This spurred the creation of the ME F and the ME Super which then took over the ME bringing the level of SLRs to the next level.

Maker: Pentax

Dates: 1977-1979

Variants: chrome, black, SE

Camera Type: 35mm SLR

Focusing: manual

---

Lens mount: Pentax K

Shutter: focal plane Seiko MFC-E
metal curtains, vertical travel
from 8s to 1/1000

Exposure meter: TTL, open aperture,
center weighted

Exposure modes: aperture priority

ASA/ISO range: 12 to 1600

Finder screen: fixed

Shoe: fixed hot shoe

X sync speed: 1/100

TTL Flash: no

Motor drive: external winder ME I (1.5i/s) or ME II (2i/s)

Battery: 2 x 1.5V

Weight: 460g w/o lens

Number produced: unknown

The above information was taken from here

I can't wait to buy some film and do a little shooting this weekend!!!

sending and receiving

You know what I love... getting stuff in the mail. Seriously. I love it. Even if it's just a bill or a notification or whatever it is. I just love it.

But at times I'm the worst penpal ever. I have this penpal that I've been writing to since I was around 13... she's from Canada and we used to send each other so much stuff. Leaves, rocks, flags, photos of everything (even the stuff in our drains or on the front porch to our fishes in a tank) which was a lot of fun.

Then she went off to college... and so did I... and bit by bit... our letters started to slow down.... becoming less than once a month... then once every 2-3 months... to about 2-3 letters per year.

Another penpal I had was this guy... whom I met through The Star newspaper. They used to have this penpal thingie going on when I was in elementary school so I wrote in saying that I'd like to have penpals and voila.... it was like a mini matchmaking service. A huge load of people wrote in. This guy - Alvin, is the only guy that I've kept in touch with since then.

We've stopped writing for quite a bit after high school and moved towards e-mails. Then bit by bit we stopped writing. We keep in contact by phone quite a bit though.

It's funny, come to think of it. I only know these two people through their writing and thoughts but yet I feel so close to them... that I can tell them anything I want to and not worry about their judgement and yet trust them to be completely honest with me no matter what.

I miss writing. I just wrote a four-page letter to Mann today... it was fun... I hope to do it more often....

Actually the initial idea for this posting was an entry I wrote in for www.futureme.org but then somehow I got sidestracked and started writing about letters instead....

Sybil Kathigasu

I went to watch the play - sybil by The Actor's Studio. The story of this wonderful brave woman had always inspired me to stand for what I believe in. I had looked forward to it the entire few weeks and thought "Finally! Someone with some sense to come up with a good idea for a play!"

If you have read or heard about her, you would understand that for a person, let alone a woman at that time and age to go through what she went through, required a tremendous amount of strength, faith and perseverance. I find it rather unfair in a way, that doing what she had done and being the ONLY Malayan woman ever to be awarded the George Medal by King George VI, her name never came up in our history books.

Below is an article I found on the net when I typed in "Sybil Kathigasu" taken from here. This little sypnosis would help you understand who she is and what she did for the country.

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Sybil Kathigasu – new stories, same legend

James Wong Wing On | Jun 30, 06 4:15pm

Until early 1980s, the name and legend of Sybil Kathigasu was very well-known in Malaysia, especially in the Ipoh-centered Kinta Valley. The Christian Eurasian woman (pix) - who was very un-apologetically pro-colonial and spoke Cantonese - was particularly remembered by older generations of Chinese residents of Ipoh and its satellite township Papan as one simple, kind-hearted and extraordinarily brave soul who saved many lives and inspired those in despair during the 44-month Japanese occupation from December 1941 to August 1945. To those who are younger, her legend is preserved in her wartime memoirs No Dram of Mercy first published in 1954. According to the legend, the simple housewife of Dr AC Kathigasu, who operated a clinic at No.141 at Brewster Road in Ipoh, secretly helped to supply medicines and medical services to the anti-Japanese guerrilla forces in Papan where she and her family lived as war refugees. She also helped them to illegally keep shortwave radio sets and listen to broadcasts from Britain and the outside world. Because of those ‘subversive’ activities she and her husband were arrested, tortured and detained until the war ended.

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The cast was great. Suki was fantastic as Sybil and Doppu did a great job as Sergeant Yoshimura. The setting was drearily real and the short noir film at the beginning was very cool.

Unfortunately, I felt that the play did not manage to portray her kindheartedness or her brave soul or what she actually did to help the anti-Japanese. I felt that the play did not do any justification to all she has done for the country except that she was very resilient and stood true to what she believed in.

I felt that the story should have evolved more around what the Kathigasu's actually did for the country/aiding the anti-Japanese to show the audience what they did, how dangerous it was, how did they manage to outsmart the Japanese at that time, and all the hardships they had to go through, doing their little bit for the country.

I have read the book "No Dram of Mercy" and I have read numerous articles about this brave woman and even visited the clinic in Papan. I know the story of Sybil Kathigasu. But because of that, certain parts of the story, got me rather confused.

For starters, it seemed rather weird that Sergeant Yoshimura could speak English well enough for his assistant and Sybil to understand but got me, mum and several others opening and closing our mouths like fish out of water because we had no idea what on earth he said (very thick Japanese accent, yes but after all this is a play).

Then the part where her daughter Dawn was tortured, only god knows what happened (if you didn't read the sypnosis in the programme book or have any knowledge of the story at all). The Japanese had caught Dawn and decided to hang her from a tree above open fire and burn her to break Sybil down and make her talk. Sad thing is, all we knew of "Dawn" was a child's voice which screamed "No!!!!" followed by a lot of protesting and screaming followed by what was supposed to be frantic screams and some purring machinery sound (the whole thing was acted out behind a huge wall with a bright red light glowing in the background as the actual scene would not have been appropriate for public viewing I guess)

Thing is, that part was significant. It showed her as a woman and as a mother and as a loyal subject of the country would not even break down EVEN though her daughter's life was at stake. Unfortunately, it didn't turn out too well.

It sounded more like the Japanese were trying to chuck her daughter into a paper shredder and I can't even start to explain what on earth the red light was. The least they could have done was to make it a flickering light. I'm pretty sure the art director would know how to do it, it's not that hard you know.

Anyhoo, I really felt that it was a fantastic story about bravery, love and loyalty to a country. But it just didn't translate too well into a play.

I must say I am disappointed. I paid 40 bucks hoping to watch a heart moving and inspiring play. Instead, I spent over an hour watching a Japanese man kick, torture, hurl verbal abuse and attempt to kill a woman during the WWII.

I guess this is what they mean by - if you have read the book, don't watch the movie or the play in this case.

i'm such a doofus

Jon's service is due (btw fyi Jon is the name of my car and YES I name pretty much everything I own) and I thought that I could catch up with some alone time... sit in a cafe while I wait for him. Then I was thinking to myself this morning "Oh yeah I have some photos that I wanna upload... I should bring my card reader along as well, ooh and don't forget the thumbdrive and headphones!!!"

Yeah.... doofus me... forgot pretty much everything. So the babygirl is sitting here in front of her notebook, with her brekkie.... and looking pretty... hahaha

Oh which reminds me, MNG went on sale 2 days ago... and I splurged.... *sigh* there goes my money....... there goes my shuffle.... *sigh*

crappy english

You know why I became a teacher in the first place. Partly was for the flexible time and the good money. The other was because I couldn't comprehend why, people didn't speak or write English properly considering that EVERYONE in this country has gone through years of English class in school.

I received this email the other day and I couldn't stop laughing at it. It just seemed SO amusing to see that these people who started the email in the first place was SO adamant on warning people about this "Cheating Group" but couldn't be bothered to write it properly in the first place. I mean, if you're no good in English, bloody write it in another language then. Malay, Mandarin, Cantonese... whatever rocks your boat.

Which also brings me to another point. Why do these people have all these information on this "Cheating Group" anyways? Like their photographs, their names, age, origins... like what do these people (the senders of the email) actually do? And if they were 'cheated' by these people... I am speechless. In this time and day you should KNOW better than to just trust strangers. Yes call me skeptical. Say that I have lost faith in mankind and trust and all that jazz. Yes I have. In a way, but not completely.

It's just that you have learnt as a child, not to simply believe people, especially strangers because they may do harm to you. Everyone is guilty until proven innocent. It's true. I should know... I fib ALL the time :P In fact I'm pretty good at it.

Anyhoo, have a read... and should you be one of those less skeptical kind of people. Please... be aware of this "Cheating Group" and let all your loved ones know NOT to borrow anything from them!

BEWARE OF THEM!!! THEY ARE CHEATING GROUP!!!

THEY ARE A FOREX ( FOREIGN EXCHANGE ) INVESTMENT COMPANY AGENCY, THEY ARE CHEATING A LOTS OF PEOPLE FROM ALOR SETAR, KEDAH. NOW, THEY ARE RUN AWAY FROM KEDAH, EXPECTATION THEY ARE CHEATING PEOPLE MINIMUM RM300'000!!! PLEASE DO FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIEND, DON'T LET ANYONE TO BEEN CHEAT BY THEM AGAIN!!!!

HEAD : EDDIE NG ( 26 YEARS OLD ) PENANG
IRVINE WONG KOK LAM ( 26 YEARS OLD ) ALOR SETAR
TAN LEE SA ( 29 YEARS OLD ) ALOR SETAR

PLEASE FORWARD TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS IF YOU DONT HOPE ANYONE BEEN CHEAT AGAIN BY THEM!!! THANKS

Blond Moments

I sometimes swear that I am actually blond underneath. Seriously.

I can change a light bulb, in fact I change all the light bulbs in the house. And no, nothing goes short-circuited after I change the bulb(s)

I know how to work a stick shift. And no, the car doesn't stall or blow up or anything like that. In fact I prefer driving a stick shift more than an auto drive. Auto drive always makes me feel like... I'm incompetent or retarded or something. Besides the pick up on an auto drive sucks big time. Not that I'm in a hurry to go anywhere.

But yet again, no matter how modern women are today. Much as they want to deny it, they are still women deep down inside.

Someone used my notebook the other day to check his emails and somehow the wireless down at the cafeteria was protected. Somehow through his non-blondness, he got in.

When I got home, I turned on my notebook to finish up some work and sure enough, the wireless just refused to work. The LEDs were lit and blinking. A little convo bubble even popped up telling me that I'm connected and the reception is "Excellent" but nothing could go through.

Being the blond that I am, immediately I panicked and called him up and asked (well demanded would be a more appropriate term but then let's not go there) "What on earth did you do to my wireless?!?! I can't go online and I've got a deadline today!!!"

I found out 5 mins after we hung up that it was my modem acting up and he did not do anything to my notebook.

Then he texted me past midnight, and since I was half asleep I decided to call him instead of texting him. So I checked the time stamp on his text before I called him and it said 2.26am.

Being the blond that I am, I asked him "What time is it?" and he fumbled for a bit and said "It's 1.30am" and I mumbled something else, and he said "You know what, just go to sleep... okay?"

So we hung up... then I checked the time stamp on the phone convo and it was written 2.28am so I texted him
"Liar :P It's way past 1.30"
"Well my watch said it was close to 1.30 when you called me,"

Then it occurred to me to check my watch. Turns out the clock on my cell phone was an hour ahead of local time HAHAHA

"Sorry... blond moment again, my cell's clock is an hour ahead.... hahaha,"
"Haha keep blaming me, it's okay. I can accept it,"

Geez... two blond moments in the same day with the same person.... gahh!!!!!

11 Januari

I realized I like Indonesian music more than Malaysian music.

Not that I don't support the local music scene... I do...

But gone are the days of ---->
Jason Lo (can you imagine how stinky either one of us was with all that mosh pit shit going on earlier) and John's Mistress (this was actually taken on a bet... because my besties dared me to hahaha)
So are gushing about how cute the drummer is with my bestie or sneaking around corners to peek at them.

Ahhh good ol' days of running around with not much of a care in the world.... just plain being 18.

Anyways back to my rant for the day. I heard this song and every time I hear songs like these, I have to search up the lyrics. Then the lyrics ALWAYS blow me away.

It's amazing how simple the lyrics are and yet how much meaning it carries.

Gigi - 11 Januari (Peace, Love & Respect)
Sebelas Januari Bertemu (Met on January 11th)
Menjalani Kisah Cinta Ini (And started on this journey of love)
Naluri Berkata Engkaulah Milikku (Instinct told me that you are mine)
Bahagia Selalu Dimiliki (Happiness which will always be mine)
Bertahun Menjalani Bersamamu (Years together with you)
Kunyatakan bahwa Engkaulah jiwaku (I swear that you are my soul)

Akulah Penjagamu (I am your guardian)
Akulah Pelindungmu (I am your protector)
Akulah Pendampingmu (I am the one by your side)
Di setiap langkah-langkahmu (In every step of your way)

Pernahku Menyakiti Hatimu (Have I broken your heart)
Pernah kau melupakan janji ini (Have you forgotten our promise)
Semua Karena kita ini manusia (We are human after all)

Akulah Penjagamu (I am your guardian)
Akulah Pelindungmu (I am your protector)
Akulah Pendampingmu (I am the one by your side)
Di setiap langkah-langkahmu (In every step of your way)

Chorus:
Kau bawa diriku kedalam hidupmu (You bring me into your life)
Kau basuh diriku dengan rasa sayang (You bathe me with love)
Senyummu juga sedihmu adalah Hidupku (Your smiles and tears are my life)
Kau sentuh cintaku dengan lembut (You touch my love with gentleness)
Dengan sejuta warna (With a million colors)

jell-o

It's a really warm day :(

Decided to make jell-o. Haven't made jell-o in ages especially since my grandma passed away. She was the jell-o queen. In fact she was the queen of the kitchen...
I have all these jell-o moulds from god knows how many years ago... which I love incredibly. It's amazing how these little things brought such simple joy to my life. It still does
I've poured the jell-o into them... chucked them into the freezer. Yeah I like my jell-o frozen. Makes it shit load better.

Now all I have to do is wait........

CLIPS

I am a self professed IKEA freak. I buy a shit load of things from IKEA from my quilt cover sets, bedding, curtains, boxes, drawer liners, dish rack, mugs, whisk, cutlery, cooking utensils... you name it, I probably might have it.

So the other day I made a trip down to do a bit of home shopping and I saw these picture frames - CLIPS and I was thinking that it would be fun to have something clear like that instead of the regular wooden frames that I always buy.

The CLIPS that I bought came in a 4-pack which fits 4R images. There's a glass front and a cardboard backing together with 4 metal clips for each frame.

Now the big conundrum is that I have no effing idea how to attach the metal clips... at all. I feel like such a blond right now...
If anyone who has bought this before, or knows someone who did... PLEASE (I beg you) tell me how to fix the damn thing.

reinjecting romance

with all the shit that goes on in my life... I felt that I had to re-inject some romance back into my life. I went to the local bookstore and zoomed straight in the best-sellers rack. I picked up Cecilia Ahern's ps I Love You.

I have heard SO much about the book. Just the other day Len was telling me that she cried her eyes out watching the movie. Angela bought the book 4 years ago and cried reading it. And since usually the book is always better than the movie, I thought why not. So then I bought my first romance/love novel. (Prior to this was mostly fiction - Anne Rice, James Clavell, John Grisham, you get my drift)

I have only reached 2++ pages in the book and so far, it's alright. Not a tear jerker yet... but let's see how it goes. The first few chapters up to the point she receives the 2nd letter from her dead husband was pretty good... after that, now everything seems pretty predictable...

Maybe I've been a skeptic for way too long.......

petrol hike

I received three text messages telling me that fuel prices were going to go up and that I should go fill up now before it takes effect at midnight tonight.

*pffftt* was my response. I thought it was a hoax. Unfortunately my ignorance was confirmed on my way home as I passed by three major fuel stations along the main road. I saw a massive traffic jam and being Malaysian, the first thing that jumped into my mind was car accident.

Fortunately, it was just a bunch of ignoramuses who were all queuing up to fill up their gas tanks.

People, especially those who DID queue up to fill up their tanks. Let me ask you a question. Were you really using your heads? Unless if your tank was really running low, fine, you're excused. If not, what was the whole effing point of this?

Did you really think that by filling up your tank before the hike would ACTUALLY help you?

Did you really think that queuing up like that was NOT a waste of time?

Did you really think that it was worth it all?

Think about it. You fill up while the price is still at 1.92MYR and so what? It'll last you the rest of the week and then? YOU STILL HAVE TO PAY 2.70MYR per liter until the next hike! Live with it okay? Ignoramus bunch indeed!

Big deal, make a big fuss. Malaysians are really uneducated when it comes to things like this. Yeah, yeah everyone's a university graduate local or overseas, but so what? We are all being surpressed about national matters. We're not allowed to hold demonstrations. We're not that all allowed to voice out our opinions when we are against something. The government has had several articles printed in the newsies out saying that we should not take part in illegal demonstrations about the fuel hike. That makes me say in disgust "Oh really? Wow... we should all just sit back and smile and pat the government on the back and tell them how appreciative we are of them because they are looking out for us,"

Another example was during quite some time ago where one major English daily published on their front page "Crime Rates Go Up x%" and instead of being worried, I over heard a couple of people say "Wah, x% not bad hor? At least not xx%," Not bad? NOT BAD?!

Seriously. *sigh*

Yeah so now we will have to walk to work. Cycle. Jog. Take public transport! Yay! Public transport here is the BEST in the effing world.

Now I'm not saying that I agree about the price jump but my point here is that there is nothing much we can do about it.

Demonstrate? Sure why not. Then get warnings from the police while we hold picket cards and huge banners because we are disrupting harmony and peace not to mention promoting negative behavior which is very un-Malaysian.

Write to the major newspapers and voice our dissatisfaction? Sure why not. Like that's going to do much except to get a mental response from the reader going "Yeah man... this is so unfair,"

WTF... Life is always unfair. So live with it. I've attached an article about the petrol hike taken from the Malaysian MSN website below and inserted pictures that I took that evening.

Malaysian petrol price to jump 40 percent: PM

Malaysia said petrol prices will jump 40 percent from Thursday, as it moves to cut the spiralling cost of subsidies despite the prospect of public outrage.

Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi said the price hike could suppress economic growth and drive up inflation as high as 5.0 percent this year, from current levels of 3.0 percent in April.

"The cost of petrol and commodities has risen drastically and so subsidies have to be restructured," he told a press conference Wednesday.

"God willing I hope Malaysians will not demonstrate over this," he said, referring to fury over earlier hikes in a country where public transport is poor and most people are reliant on their cars.

Abdullah indicated that further increases were in the pipeline as Malaysia moves to completely abandon fuel price controls that would have cost 17.4 billion dollars this year -- about a third of the national budget.

"We are moving towards a market price regime but it has to be step by step, we cannot do it immediately," he said.

The new pump price for petrol will be 2.70 ringgit (0.84 dollars) and 2.58 ringgit for diesel. Petrol currently costs 1.92 ringgit, among the cheapest in Asia.

Abdullah is taking a major political risk in removing price controls even as he attempts to recover from disastrous March elections that dealt the ruling coalition its worst results in half a century.

Rising prices of food and fuel were a major factor in the ballot, which has triggered repeated calls for the premier to stand down.

"It is not an attempt to be popular, we have to think in the best interests of the people," Abdullah said.

Fresh protests over the price increases are very likely, said Mohd Hatta Ramli of the Islamic opposition party PAS who led anti-inflation demonstrations earlier this year.

"This is a massive hike and will create big problems for all and sundry. It will have a knock-on effect of increasing prices of all kinds of goods," he told AFP.

"We strongly feel that it is a severe misjudgement on the part of the government," he said. "In all probability, there will be a protest."

The subsidy cut was deeper than anticipated, said Yeah Kim Leng, chief economist with research firm Ratings Agency Malaysia.

"A price increase has been seen as inevitable and expected, but what happened is way beyond expectations," he told AFP.

"We were looking at 20 to 30 percent but 40 percent means the government must be trying to make up for not raising prices last year as well."

Under a revamped subsidy system, drivers of smaller vehicles will receive a cash payment of 625 ringgit to offset the rising cost, equating to subsidising some 800 litres of fuel.

Yeah said the rebates were not large enough to compensate for average use.

"It is clearly only a partial subsidy so we need to see how the lower-income group will be able to now absorb all this," he said.

Domestic Trade Minister Shahrir Samad said the pump price could rise as high as 3.00-4.00 ringgit when price controls are completely removed in August.

Abdullah indicated that economic growth, which the government had tipped at 5.0-6.0 percent this year, would be clipped.

"We will be able to manage at 5.0 percent this year," he said.

Inflation "might go up by 4-5 percent for the year", he added.

Some 13.7 billion ringgit would be saved by the new measure, including 1.7 billion ringgit in a windfall tax charged to independent power producers and palm oil growers who have benefited from rising oil prices.

As part of the subsidy reform, industry and power producers will be charged higher prices for gas from July. Electricity tariffs will rise 18 percent for householders, and 26 percent for commercial and industrial users.

Malaysia has already moved to ban sales to Thais and Singaporeans who make trips across the border to fill up their tanks with fuel that is substantially cheaper here.

Sempurna

I heard this song over the radio the other day and the lyrics of the song just reached out and sucked me in... I couldn't imagine loving someone so much as the lyrics say.

I always find some sort of fault with every person I am with.

But after listening to this song, I realize, everyone, when in a relationship will feel that the other person completes the missing piece in their lives - whether you want to admit it or not.

It makes me realize that at the peak of the relationship, this is what I feel all the time.

Love conquers all.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I yearn for the romance spun in love stories, movies, poetry and songs.

I felt this rush of emotions surging through when I think of the most recent relationship. Not that it was really one to even consider a real relationship. But whatever it is, whatever I went through with him for the past 4 days, I felt invincible. I felt that nothing could go bad. I felt that I was on top of the world. It felt perfect.

The chorus touches my heart the most. Generally if it's translated into English and sung, it would be UBER cheesy but here, it is one of most beautiful lines I have ever heard.

I hope one day, someone.... will sing this for me... and not because I like the song.... but because he really feels this way for me....

Andra and The Back Bone - Sempurna

Kau begitu sempurna (You are so perfect)
Dimataku kau begitu indah (In my eyes you are so beautiful)
Kau membuat diriku akan slalu memujamu (You make me want to praise you always)

Disetiap langkahku (In every step that I take)
Kukan slalu memikirkan dirimu (My self will always think of you)
Tak bisa kubayangkan hidupku tanpa cintamu (I can't get used to imagining life without your love)

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku (Don't you leave me please)
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua (I can't face all this)
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa (Only with you, I can)

Kau adalah darahku (You are my blood)
Kau adalah jantungku (You are my heart)
Kau adalah hidupku (You are my life)
Lengkapi diriku (Completes me)
Oh sayangku, kau begitu (Oh my love, you are so)
Sempurna... Sempurna... (Perfect... perfect...)

Kau genggam tanganku (You hold my hand tight)
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh (At moments when I am weak and fallen)
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku (You whisper words and rid all my regrets)

Janganlah kau tinggalkan diriku (Don't you leave me please)
Takkan mampu menghadapi semua (I can't face all this)
Hanya bersamamu ku akan bisa (Only with you, I can)

Kau adalah darahku (You are my blood)
Kau adalah jantungku (You are my heart)
Kau adalah hidupku (You are my life)
Lengkapi diriku (Completes me)
Oh sayangku, kau begitu (Oh my love, you are so)
Sempurna... Sempurna... (Perfect... perfect...)

Kau genggam tanganku (You hold my hand tight)
Saat diriku lemah dan terjatuh (At moments when I am weak and fallen)
Kau bisikkan kata dan hapus semua sesalku (You whisper words and rid all my regrets)

i hate relationships

I had just come back from one of the largest IT exhibitions/congress in the world. I've been working my ass off for the past few months preparing for this and we're JUST a state partner, I can't imagine what the organizers had to go through! kudos peeps!

Right before I left for the exhibition/congress, I had an argument with someone really close to me... it was partly my fault... but then again I had to get it off my chest. I knew I had to say something. I could not hold it in anymore. Keeping secrets to yourself only does damage to your soul.

Going off for work, one week away from home - good time to clear head. Or so I thought.

You know how things always happen or pop up when you least expect it? I hate it when that happens, because the optimist in me believes that "Oh my god... could this be it?!?!" and I get all excited for a teeny little thing.

I met a guy while at work. He was nice. Not super good looking but not too bad either. But then again everyone looks good in a suit. First day, things went well... everyone was getting to know each other... and he was charming, very gentlemanly.

Come first day of the exhibition, he was barely around but then again I barely noticed because we were all busy preparing for the Prime Minister's visit and all the delegates who kept asking the same questions again and again and again...

Second day of the exhibition, he started to hang out with me.
Then he asks
"Hey have you had brekkie yet?"
"Yeah, I ate before I came over this morning at the hotel... why? Have you not eaten?"
"Yeah I haven't.... I wonder who can I get to go eat with me," and he smiles at me
"If you want me to go with you to eat, just say so...."
"Hahaha you're good. Come let's go eat," and he pulls me by the arm and leads me towards the cafeteria.

After that we took a long walk back to the exhibition hall. He's a good conversationalist. He's politically active which kind of made me realize why he's such a friendly person but I dismissed it. Slightly before lunch, I was cleaning up and had to tie a ribbon to this gift that we were going to present to the King during his visit when he came up and asked me
"Hey, who are you having lunch with?"
"I don't know... it depends really..."
"Okay set. You're having lunch with me,"
"Umm okay..."
"But we have to go in like 5 mins...."
"Dude... it's like only 12.30 and at least let me finish this ribbon thing,"
"Yeah I kinda have to go back to feed my cats cuz one of them is preggers,"

So he drove back to this mini-mart near his place, bought some cat food, drove back to his place to feed his cats while I waited in the car and we had lunch and then he drove us back.

By then everyone was already questioning where the both of us had gone to and why did we take such a long lunch break. Geez.... can't a girl have a nice lunch date with a guy?

Throughout the rest of the exhibition hours, we were laughing and talking non stop and that got me thinking... could this work out? Not that I wanted him to be the one but I haven't had this kind of feeling in a super long time and I wasn't one to push that away.

All of a sudden, 20 minutes before the exhibition closes, he comes up to me and whispers
"Hey give me your resume,"
"My what?"
"Resume... your CV,"
"I don't have it here with me..."
"I know, email it to me... I found you a job in KL," and he looks at me with a smile lighting up his face.
"Really?"
"Yeah.... oh hey you know what, better yet... come..." and he held his hand out to take mine.
"Come? Where are we going?"
"Don't ask. Just come," and he grabs my hand and pulls me over to him and walked off.

Apparently he's not supposed to be doing this because the guys that he is about to introduce me to are his company's competitors. When we got over there, he was highly recommending me to this Director of Sales and Senior Manager and god knows what on earth he had told them earlier that they wanted me to send in my CV as soon as possible.

Then towards the end of the day, he invited me to go watch him play futsal after the exhibition. If you're not too tired, he added. So I told him that I have to go back to shower and change out of my business suit first and he told me he'd wait for me.

I saw his car waiting at the hotel lobby and I walked right up to it and opened the door. The damn thing was shut! Then he looked up and fumbled with his CD holder and quickly unlocked the door and smiled at me. "Wow, you know I didn't recognize you. I actually saw you walking across the lobby but I didn't know it was you... you look good..."

So we went to his futsal match. Saw his co-worker there as well and we had a quick chat and then we left to go back to his place. He made me sit in the hall because his room was in a real mess and he wanted to clean up first. Apparently he didn't want me to sit in the hall for too long just in case his roomies come home and ask a lot of questions yadda3x

So while he showered I busied myself with his computer and books. Then he came in and said
"So what do you want to eat?"
"Dude, you're the one from around here... you tell me... I'm pretty much up for anything,"
"Okay... are you hungry yet then?"
"Not really.... maybe just a tad, why?"
"Your feet still hurting?" while gesturing to my feet cuz the whole day I was complaining about sore feet and a blister
"Yeah they do..."
"Here... gimme your foot," and he grabs a bottle of baby oil and a chair and starts massaging my feet!

Right foot... left foot.... then moved up to my back because he could see that I had tensed shoulders (don't ask me how he knew) and the great part was that... it was JUST a massage... I kinda expected that he would try something but I wanted to wait and see.... and he didn't do anything. Even though we were alone in his room with the door closed.

So after that we went out for a late dinner, he introduced me to his roomies as we exited his apartment

We sat there chatting the night away during dinner and he sent me back to my hotel. The moment I reached for the door to get out from the car, he says "Hey!" as though I had forgotten something and when I turned around, he pointed to his cheek so I gave him a peck on the cheek and he smiled.

I changed into my jammies and crawled into bed. There I was lying down in the dark - thinking, replaying what happened today. Wondering if he's worth it. Wondering why he was so nice to me. Asking myself if he wanted to, would I date him. Then all of a sudden my cell phone rings *dammit I left it on 'Loud'*

Quickly I grab it and whisper "Hello?" I didn't even look at who was the caller...
"Hey... are you asleep?" it was him
"No.... just lying in bed... why?"
"Why aren't you sleeping yet?"
"Well if I were sleeping, why did you wake me up?"
"Nah, just wanted to tell you that I just got home..."
"Oh... okay,"
"Oh and my roomies did think you were Malay... you were right..." (I had told him earlier on that a lot of people have mistaken me for a Malay before and apparently they had grilled him about who I was)

So we chatted for a little while more and then he told me that I should go to sleep and he'll see me in the morning.

Third and final day of the exhibition. It was an uber busy day. I ran upstairs and downstairs (not to the lady's chamber though hahaha) and had barely time to spare at our booth - hence less time to spend hanging out with him. Fortunately and ironically he was busy too so he TOO barely had time to spend at the booth.

My co-worker approached me and told me bluntly that everyone in our exhibition booth thinks that me and him are dating and asked me if it's true or not. Of course I denied that something was going on between the both of us and said that we were just friends. So I texted him "Hey, everyone thinks that we're dating... hahaha" and he replied "Eh? Really? Hahaha did they know that you were out with me last night?"

Then later towards the evening he was rather busy and I overheard him telling some guy that he has a business meeting to go to after work. Then he walks over to me and tells me that he's got something going on tonight, his boss called and he has to go for a meeting and that we can only hang out later - after he's done with his meeting. So I told him I was fine with it and work is work. Besides, I had JUST gotten to know him, I didn't think that he would be at my every beck and call.

So after the exhibition ended... he walked me to my car, helped me with my bags and all and made sure that I had already sat in the driver's seat when he said "Hey..." again. This time, he kissed me on the lips lightly and gave me a hug and said "Bye sayang..."

Later that night when I was at dinner with my co-worker, he calls.
"Hey, watchu up to?"
"Eating dinner.... aren't you supposed to be at some meeting?"
"Yeah I am but I decided to call it off... wanna hang out?"
"Sure but you have to let me finish my food first..."
"Okay I'll wait for you at the hotel lobby then. Text me when you're done eating alright?"

So after that, we go back to his place... watched a movie... and made out a little... which was fine by me. He's not a bad kisser.

Later in the night he drives me back to the hotel and as I reached out to open the car door, he gestures for me and gives me a look. So I reach over and kissed him on the cheek... and he holds my face with his hands and kisses me slightly on the lips and says "Good night sayang,"

And that is it.... do you see the pattern? The same old pattern I go through every single little relationship in the past few years. And you know what's the worst part? I come home and decide to do a little e-stalking and guess what I find out. He's engaged to his girlfriend of at least 3 years.

Good one babygirl... give yourself another pat on the back because ONCE again, you have failed to see all the signs.

Okay you know what, let's rephrase.

You did not fail to see all the signs, you FAILED to acknowledge the signs leading to the big hole in the ground because of your ignorance. You have no one to blame but yourself....

(p/s : I know I'm being a tad harsh on meself but then again, that's the way it goes for being such an optimist and so trusting....)